


Steve's Anatomy

by mylifeisloki



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Nurse!Steve, surgeon!Natasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2018-11-15 15:26:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 91,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11233839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeisloki/pseuds/mylifeisloki
Summary: Successful cardiac surgeon Natasha finds herself at odds with a sweet nurse in the maternity ward who has managed to charm nurses and mothers alike. As time goes on, she tries to find a flaw and comes up empty-- but can Steve really be as wholesome and perfect as he seems? And more importantly, is it possible that Nurse Charming is actually the perfect match for someone as emotionally challenged as Natasha happens to be?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to take a second to thank an anonymous ask, @heyfrenchfreudiana, and @svenyves on tumblr for making this happen. You're all instigators and I take almost no responsibility for what might come of this. XD

All in all, Natasha thought she’d done very well for herself. Her childhood hadn’t been ideal; her mother died when she was very young and her father decided that they needed to relocate to the United States from their home in St. Petersburg. When he wasn’t working in construction, he was living on a steady diet of beer and takeout. When he wanted to take care of her, he would, but he was mostly the type of parent that left his eight year old daughter to make her own lunch, get herself to school, and stay out of trouble afterwards. Natasha had wonderful memories of trips to the zoo and shiny presents on her birthdays, but sometimes she questioned how real they were when memories of wrinkled clothing and sitting on a curb waiting to be picked up from a school trip on the other side of the city drifted through her subconscious.

By the time she was a teenager, her father had found a new woman (the seventh or eighth of quite a few) and Natasha was so independent that it felt more often like they were roommates rather than a parent and child. She got a part time job when she was sixteen and saved every cent, eventually spending that money on the college applications her guidance counselors pushed her way during her last year of high school. There was a lot of praying during that time. Natasha had a perfect record and a 4.0; all she could hope for was that the essays she’d written were enough to get a scholarship to a good school.

After four years getting her undergraduate degree with a full scholarship, the day Natasha received her acceptance letter from Columbia University was the happiest day of her life. She took to the delicate techniques attributed to cardiac surgery like a fish to water; it just made sense. It was so much easier to deal with someone’s physical body than to deal with people face to face. As she worked her way up, she was able to move out of her father’s house in Queens to a beautiful apartment in Harlem and by the time she completed her mandatory residency and accepted a full time position, she was finally living the kind of life she’d always wanted.

At NYU, she was _respected_. Natasha was widely known as one of the most talented surgeons on staff; she was the kind of doctor people sought out from all over the country, the kind who was consulted when other doctors couldn’t figure out what to do or what their options were. In addition to that, she’d developed something of a reputation as someone who wouldn’t tolerate nonsense. They called her the Black Widow behind her back because she looked perfectly innocent, like any spider would, but the minute she opened her mouth she had a nasty bite. Natasha pretended not to mind.

But one would think that all those stories and all those nasty things people said about her and her temper would mean that when she needed a nurse, she would be able to find one!

“Hello? Is _anyone_ here? Anyone?”

Wearing her white coat and a pair of unforgiving stilettos, she searched the nurse’s station for a sign of just about anyone. Nothing. There was the slim chance they were all in rooms with patients, but it was unlikely that they were all working quite that hard. Finally, a young nurse came around the corner and froze at the sight of her, something Natasha found endlessly amusing.

“You,” she said quickly. “Care to explain where everyone is right now?”

The young nurse swallowed hard and averted her gaze. “They’re on lunch,” she said quickly. “We left Maria and Gemma here to cover while we took lunch…”

“At the same time? Weren’t there four of you besides Maria and Gemma?”

She swallowed again. “Y-yes, ma’am,” she stammered.

Natasha sighed and stepped closer. “Then where are they---” She glanced at her badge. “Karen.”

“They’re in the maternity ward,” she blurted out, looking miserable. “Near the newborns.”

Natasha frowned and set her charts down in favor of marching out of her wing, down two floors, and into the maternity ward. She had thought it would be hard to find them or that they’d be locked away in some empty staff room to relax and gossip, but as luck would have it she found almost her entire nursing staff gathered together at the big glass window looking into the room where the newborn babies were kept while their mothers rested. She approached and stopped maybe five feet away, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Ladies.”

At once, all three women turned and paled at the sight of her.

“What could be _so_ interesting down here that you three think it’s alright to disappear in the middle of your shifts?” She asked impatiently, stepping forward again. “Hm? They’re just babies.”

Oh, but she was wrong. The minute she laid eyes on the man currently cradling a tiny newborn to his chest, she understood and while she saw the appeal of the man himself, she wasn’t going to excuse her nurses leaving their station. “Back to work,” she told them, smiling to herself in amusement as they scurried back to the cardiac floor. But when she looked back to the man and he smiled, idly waving with one hand while he kept the baby cradled in his other arm, that smile faded and she stood up straight again.

Not today. No. Natasha gave him a scathing look, pointed at him as if she was warning him to stay away from her nurses, and turned to walk away. When she returned to the cardiac floor, she found her nurses hard at work and decided to forget the whole thing. Whether or not the nurse in maternity was as attractive as he seemed, she just wanted to make sure her work was done properly and her patients were taken care of.

Unfortunately, there were forces at work beyond any possible foresight.

As soon as the next day, Natasha began to hear the nurses whispering about someone named Steve. It was like that one piece of gossip that she caught every so often; sometimes they would be whispering about ‘him’ instead of naming the man in question, but it was always the same person. Quite often, she’d hear them say things like, ‘Steve wouldn’t do this’ or ‘Steve wouldn’t be like that’ and it was frustrating if only because Natasha felt like they were distracted. At least once every day, one or two nurses would disappear for some time and come back smiling and blushing like they’d just been personally serviced by Steve himself.

The next day, she found out that Steve was new to the hospital and came with amazing recommendations from his previous job.

Then she found out that Steve had something of a rebellious streak and was already in hot water with administration because he bent the rules for his patients. As Pepper put it, he had ‘a big heart that can’t be limited by little things like legality or hospital policy’.

Her nurses were actually in love with the guy and Natasha wasn’t sure any of them had actually spoken to him. She did know, however, that he would walk around with a baby tied to a sling wrapped around his neck if they needed special attention or care. She _did_ know that he sang to the newborns sometimes in the afternoons while he changed them and tucked them back in.

Natasha knew that he had ‘dreamy’ blue eyes and a ‘sweet’ smile and an ‘amazing’ ass.

It was nearly two weeks after she’d first laid eyes on Steve that she worked a late shift and as the shift for the nurses changed, she realized that as the new ones came on, the old ones were nowhere to be found. And somehow Natasha just knew that they would be down in maternity. She found them in the lounge with mothers and babies scattered around the room as Steve played a guitar and sang to them. Honestly.

She didn’t even bother clearing her throat to get their attention; they were technically supposed to be going home anyway, so she just joined the crowd for a moment. That is, she stood near the back of the room while mothers and nurses alike all swooned over Steve to the utter confusion of the few fathers and doctors standing by. He was handsome; Natasha couldn’t say anything to the contrary about his appeal, but this whole business with stealing her nurses away had to stop.

With that in mind, she waited until he was finished and while the nurses giggled amongst themselves, she marched right up to Steve and looked up at him. “You must be Steve,” she said. “I’ve heard a lot about you since you started here.”

Steve smiled as he set down his guitar and Natasha pressed her lips together because he really did have a nice smile. “You must be Natasha,” he answered. “Sorry-- Dr. Romanoff, right? I’ve heard about you too.”

“All good things, I hope,” she answered tightly. God only knows what he’d heard. “As much as I appreciate your---” She glanced at the guitar for a moment. “Extracurricular activities, I have to ask that you start telling my nurses to leave when they wander down here in the middle of their shifts. It’s becoming a problem.”

Steve let out a soft laugh and it infuriated her. “I mean, I can’t tell them what to do,” he shrugged. “How should I know if they’re in the middle of a shift or not?”

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him a little bit. “Because it’s in the middle of the hour,” she reasoned. “I’m not looking for a debate here, I just want you to--”

She stopped right in the middle of her sentence as a young mother, clearly a brand new mother, walked up to them and excused herself before looking up to Steve. “He’s crying again,” she said, stating the obvious. Natasha nearly glared at the screaming little bundle in her arms. “He won’t stop, can you show me again? One more time.”

Steve smiled and carefully took the bundle into his (massive, Natasha noticed) arms, tucking the baby right against his chest and bouncing lightly. “Shh, that’s it… What’s wrong?” The baby gurgled and looked up at him, letting out a few more weakening cries before settling down in content silence as Steve smiled down at him. Great, so he was good at everything. She could hear the nurses sighing behind her.

“Becca, it’s like this. Babies are really only looking for a few things; safety, security, warmth, and love.” He carefully transferred the baby back into Becca’s arms and helped her get the positioning right. She still looked awkward in Natasha’s opinion, but what did she know? “You love him already--”

“More than anything,” she answered quickly.

Steve smiled and touched her shoulder. “More than anything. He knows that. All you have to do is trust that you’re going to take care of him in the way he needs. Talk to him. He’ll fall in love with your voice and your eyes, and he’ll settle. You just have to have faith in yourself.”

Becca, clearly overrun with hormones and dealing with a lot, blinked up at Steve with shining eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered, even leaning in and giving him a little, one armed hug before heading off to bond with her newborn.

Natasha had this sudden urge to ask Steve what was wrong with him because no one could be that attractive, moderately intelligent, good with children, _and_ not wearing a wedding ring. As he turned back to her, she was opening her mouth to remind him that if nurses wandered down from the cardiac floor, all he had to do was ask them to leave, but he spoke first.

“Single mother, can you believe that?” He sighed, shaking his head. “Boyfriend panicked when she told him about the baby and said he’d leave if she didn’t get rid of it. Sorry excuse for a man, but I think she’ll be alright. She seems like a really good person and she’s got a beautiful little boy there; George, came right out, no complications at all.”

Natasha didn’t remember asking and she was actually going to tell him that, but he kept going. “Anyway,” he said easily. “I’ll try to keep your nurses in mind, but I’m not promising anything. They’re big girls; they should know where they have to be.” He smiled widely again. “But it was nice to meet you, Natasha,” he added. “Sorry, sorry. Dr. Romanoff.”

Steve gave her a final smirk and walked off, leaving her to glare after him. That one smirk had been so cocky and so self-assured that she just wanted to smack it right off his face, but she turned on her heel and marched out instead, going right past the nurses still gawking at her talking to someone who had recently become something of a god to them. The nerve! Steve was only a nurse- and a _new_ nurse at that! How dare he talk to her that way?

After her first infuriating conversation with Steve, Natasha became even less tolerant of the massive influx of gossip that had permeated not only her floor, but most of the hospital in general. Pepper was an administrator and even she had heard about Steve; that is, she’d heard about Steve in that he kept toeing the line between professional behavior and things that would get the hospital sued. Over drinks one night, she told Natasha that he’d personally thrown a man in violation of a protective order placed on him by one of the mothers in labor out of the hospital.

“He threatened the guy’s safety and well-being, and then literally threw him out the front door. I can't have that in my hospital, Natasha! He should have called security.”

But he hadn't. On the one hand, Natasha almost admired him for getting things done so efficiently; on the other, she knew that if he kept making trouble for Pepper, he would have a very formidable enemy at work. Unfortunately, her biggest problem was that not only had Steve managed to charm every woman who worked in the place, but he’d also received so many compliments from the patients he’d worked with and requests from incoming patients that Pepper couldn’t let him go without inciting some kind of riot. The guy was staying whether she liked it or not.

The most irritating thing about Steve was that whenever Natasha happened past him, he smiled at her and waved. Sometimes she’d get a bright “Good morning!” as well, but she still didn’t quite know what to do with it. She’d just remain polite, wish him a good morning as well, and continue right on past him. She had _no_ desire to join the masses of women (and some men, she’d noticed) fawning over him like he was Prince Charming or something. Steve was only a man and men, on the whole, usually turned out to be disappointing more than anything else.

It wasn’t as though Natasha had been involved in many relationships over the course of her life, but she’d had enough to know that maybe she wasn’t cut out for the cookie cutter happy ending that so many people wanted. And Steve? Steve was _nothing_ if not cookie cutter, given his looks and the wholesome attitude he put out there. Not that it mattered, of course. It wasn’t like Natasha was considering him as a potential mate; the last thing she wanted to do was make the mistake of dating someone at work. She’d fooled around with one of the doctors on the eleventh floor exactly one time a year ago and he’d asked her out ad nauseam until she’d threatened to report him for harassment and she wasn’t overly eager to deal with that kind of situation again. People had a way of disappointing her at every turn, so she’d been telling herself for years that she was perfectly fine with not putting her faith in anyone. That way, she never got hurt.

With that said, she’d actually never had a conversation with Steve beyond that first time and she wasn’t eager to correct that. Regardless, she found herself stepping onto an elevator and there he was, stepping to the side to make room for her. He wore scrubs pretty much every day; today’s pair was a light blue that made his eyes stand out and no doubt matched the little blankets given to each newborn baby boy.

“Good morning, Dr. Romanoff,” he said warmly. “How are you doing today?”

Natasha pressed her lips together for a moment before turning to give him a polite smile. “I’m fine,” she answered. “And you?”

“Oh, I’m great! I mean, I went for this great run this morning. It’s really getting warm now, so the sun’s out real early and everything? Sometimes it’s just a good run that makes the day a great one, you know?”

So he was one of those people. Natasha glanced down at coffee in her hand and noticed with some horror that he didn’t have any. He was a natural morning person and if there was anything Natasha couldn’t stand, it was a morning person. “Oh, sure,” she answered, taking a long sip of her drink. “There’s nothing like sweating like a pig first thing in the morning.”

Steve huffed out a laugh and nodded along, clearly amused by what she’d said. “Well, yeah,” he said easily. “Yeah, that’s exactly it.”

Natasha barely resisted narrowing her eyes at him. “Well, at least you keep up with your fitness,” she commented, looking straight ahead towards the doors. “You’d leave a lot of people with tarnished dreams if you let yourself go.”

Steve reached up to rub at the back of his neck; she could see it in her periphery and she wanted to tell him to stop being so goddamn bashful because there was no way he didn’t know what he did to people. There was no way he didn’t understand that he was exceedingly, frustratingly handsome. “I’ll take that as a compliment,” he answered eventually, dashing forward as soon as the doors opened on the maternity floor. Turning around as soon as he got out, he gave her a wide smile and the cheesiest wink in the whole world. “Have a good day, Dr. Romanoff.”

With that, the doors closed and left Natasha staring at her reflection; she might not have been one of the people lusting after him all the time, but her lips were parted in shock (it was the wink that did it, she thought) and there was the slightest blush just to the apples of her cheeks.

Fuck that guy.

 

“It’s not like he’s perfect. I think I can say with the utmost confidence that _no one_ is perfect, especially not someone who takes such joy in running at God knows what hour of the morning.”

Natasha was seated at a bar beside Pepper as they shared their weekly drinks and it was time for her to vent. For nearly a month now, Steve had been a constant annoyance in Natasha’s work life. She’d heard nothing but stories about him; Steve personally stayed with a teenage mother who’d been abandoned by her parents and the child’s father to get her through delivery, Steve had spent his free time one night delivering a care package to a new mother who was dealing with raising her child alone as her husband was away in the army, Steve knitted a fucking octopus for a preemie baby who needed extra warmth. It was endless and it was beginning to get to Natasha.

“I mean, can he at least not bring his unrepentant need to right every wrong in the fucking world to the workplace in such an ostentatious way that he’s distracting half the hospital? I found one of my nurses sitting in on his little guitar session yesterday and I swear to God, she was already coming in her panties without him ever touching her.”

Pepper nearly choked on her drink as Natasha knocked the rest of hers back and quickly tapped the bar to ask for another. “It sounds like you’re the one who’s distracted by what he’s doing,” Pepper teased lightly. “Why are you so bothered by this guy?”

Natasha sighed. “He’s interrupting my whole life,” she lamented. “He’s just-- He’s so--” She made a frustrated sound and took a sip of the brand new martini set down in front of her. “He’s a pain in the ass,” she mumbled. “From a goddamn distance.”

“You sure it has nothing to do with the fact that he winked at you and got you flustered enough to come to my office and complain about him?”

Natasha glared at her friend and quickly gulped down the rest of her drink. “Shut up, he didn’t get me flustered,” she mumbled. “He’s an ass.”

Pepper straightened up and crossed her legs at the knee while she lightly traced her fingertip around the rim of her wineglass. “He’s got a nice ass,” she mused, earning another glare from Natasha. “What? Don’t judge me, it looks really firm… with just the right amount of bounce.”

And thus, Pepper was one of them. Natasha still loved her, but she could have gone without the reminders of what a nice body Steve happened to have. That didn’t make him perfect; God knows she’d been with attractive men before and most of them turned out to be fuckwits. All it meant was that Steve spent a lot of time in the gym, or running, or whatever. Except that unfortunately the deck was stacked against Natasha in that she passed by the maternity ward on her way to a meeting with the man in charge on that floor and saw him actively wearing a fucking baby carrier around his neck to secure a child to his chest for warmth. What the hell was with this guy?

Over the next couple of weeks, Natasha just kept trying to figure him out. The idea that maybe he was gay had floated around, but based on the way she’d caught him checking out a few of the nurses here and there, she was guessing that wasn’t it. Maybe he was one of the rare men who couldn’t wait to start a family and wanted a baby of his own? That seemed the most likely option, but he wasn’t even married. A guy who looked like that and seemed as decent as Steve did would have had a wife if he was ready to settle down, right? He pretty much had his pick of whoever he wanted, at least based on how many people were more than willing to drool over him in the hospital alone.

Maybe he was just one of those genuinely kind people who wanted to make sure babies started out getting all the love and affection they could possibly get. If that was the case, Natasha figured he’d be awfully dull in a social setting; that was just the way these things worked. With that said, she was woefully unprepared to run into him in the elevator once again some time later, this time on the way out. She’d stayed longer than she’d planned to that day; there was a patient who needed terribly important surgery the next morning and she wanted to review his chart, but she hadn’t expected his condition to be so utterly complicated.

Now that she was heading home, she’d changed from her white coat to the black jacket she preferred and she was just tying the belt around her waist when the doors opened and there he was. Why? Why was the elevator always empty when it came to the two of them?

“Dr. Romanoff,” he greeted warmly, stepping in beside her like he wasn’t wearing snug jeans and a leather jacket in lieu of his usual scrubs. What was happening? “Late day, huh?”

Natasha sighed. “Later than usual, but not as late as other days have been.” She knew she shouldn’t ask because she was likely not going to like his answer very much, but… apparently she was too curious to stop herself. “You’re here late too,” she observed. “Was someone in labor a long time or what?”

Steve leaned his back against the wall and turned his whole body towards her like he was hunkering down for an actual conversation. “Nah, it wasn’t that,” he sighed. “Just a tough day, you know? We lost a mother due to complications and the dad was just… inconsolable.”

Oh.

“I mean, he didn’t even want to hold his son. So we had to really talk him through everything and make sure he’d be okay overnight.” He shook his head a little and frowned. “Young couple, too. It was heartbreaking, you know? You think you’re just starting a family and then that happens…”

He trailed off and Natasha stared at him as he averted his gaze to the floor. Well, no wonder Steve was so upset; if she knew one thing about being a surgeon, it was much harder to do what she needed to do if she actually made a personal connection with the patient. It was surgery, not therapy: she went in and she came back out, period. Sometimes she did a follow up consult to make sure everything went well, but it never involved spending a long time getting to know the patient or becoming attached to them. And that was after the surgery! If she was talking to the patient before the surgery, she kept things entirely professional and consulted the attending physician if she had any questions.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she answered succinctly. “It seems so strange to hear about a woman dying in childbirth even with all our medical advances.” She huffed a little. “And yet men still think that being kicked in the balls is the worst thing a person can go through.”

Steve looked up at her in surprise, but he eventually nodded slowly in agreement. “Well,” he said, giving her a sheepish smile. “It’s not pleasant.”

Natasha gave him a look and Steve grinned right back at her. From there, she didn’t really have to say anything else at all, but it would seem that Steve didn’t like the silence- and didn’t know when to shut up to keep things polite.

“You don’t like me very much, do you?” He asked. He was still smiling, not at all put off by the idea that she didn’t. Natasha kind of wanted to tell him that he wished she liked him, but that would come off in a bad way and she wasn’t excited about the prospect of a sexual harassment complaint tarnishing her perfect record. “’Sokay if you don’t,” he added with a shrug. “I’m just wondering.”

Natasha readjusted the bag on her shoulder and pressed her lips together. It was a rude question to ask, wasn’t it? They weren’t friends. They weren’t even acquaintances, just colleagues. And if it was that apparent that she didn’t like him, then why on Earth would he bring it up? Was he some kind of masochist? Was that the imperfection she’d been hoping to find?

“I don’t know you,” Natasha reminded him as patiently as she could. “Who says I’ve formed any opinion at all?”

Steve raised his eyebrows at her. “Come on,” he said easily. “You look like you’re about to punch me and it’s not even about your nurses this time.”

Natasha just barely resisted rolling her eyes at him. “That was a valid complaint,” she pointed out as they reached the lobby at last and he gestured for her to go first. As he fell into step beside her, she wondered how long he was going to keep this up. She had a train to catch, but if he was going to follow her then she’d consider taking a cab… not that Steve seemed threatening at all, but one could never be too careful. “You’re still distracting them and I’m getting just a little tired of hearing about how ‘dreamy’ you are.”

Steve ducked his head and blushed immediately; Natasha wasn’t supposed to find it charming, but she did anyway and immediately resented him for it. “You know, my roommate thinks it’s hilarious,” he told her. “I mentioned that conversation we had a while ago and he just about lost it. Keeps asking me what I’m doing to bewitch the nurses and if any of them would settle for him.”

“That depends,” she remarked as he held the door for her and she stepped outside. “Does he also have dreamy eyes and a nice ass? Does he also sing to newborn babies?”

Steve smiled and averted his gaze while he ‘thought’ about it. “I mean, I think he’s hot,” he deadpanned.

Natasha stared at him.

“You’d have to give him a newborn and find out, but my guess is that he’d probably sing. He thinks he’s got a real nice voice and all.” He paused. “He’d probably really like you.”

Natasha narrowed her eyes and blinked twice. “What makes you say that?”

Steve smiled widely and leaned down so they were nearly eye to eye. “Don’t pretend you don’t know how attractive you are,” he said warmly. “It ruins the whole image.” With that, he winked (again, son of a bitch) and turned to jog off towards—wherever he was headed. “See you, Natasha!”

Pressing her lips together, Natasha watched him as he jogged over to the nearby train and headed down the stairs to get home. She quickly made a note of the fact that he was headed towards Brooklyn before turning on her heel and hailing a cab to get herself home as well. It wasn’t worth the money, but she felt like she needed a second to think.

Steve was sweet, but there was this undercurrent of attitude that she hadn’t anticipated, perhaps because he acted like some kind of childcare god while he was at work. She was putting him on a pedestal like the others and it needed to stop because clearly, he was only a man. And men, like most other things, were flawed. She was determined to find out exactly why she shouldn't be feeling so very _pleased_ about the fact that he clearly thought she was attractive.

On a Wednesday afternoon after an intense surgery that took upwards of six hours, Natasha was more than ready to take a well-deserved break.

Now, she didn’t do this very often, but it was pretty easy to make her way up to the roof of the hospital and take a little break while she looked over the city below. New York looked so simple from that high up; no crowds, no comments from the construction workers she passed by, no fighting for a place to stand on street corners while she waited to cross the street. She loved the city itself, but sometimes a break was definitely necessary.

When she reached the roof that day and went to take her usual seat on a stone ledge near the back of the building behind a large wall, she found that someone was already there: Steve.

“What are you doing here?”

The question really just popped out on its own. Natasha was tired and there was this guy sitting in the only place she ever really got any peace and quiet while she was at work, barring any emergencies. Steve looked surprised more than anything else, to be honest. It was like she’d caught him jerking off up there or something.

“Uh, I was just taking a break,” he answered slowly. He also closed the cover of the book on his lap, she noticed. “Is this like a designated spot for you?”

Natasha sighed and landed on the other side of the ledge. She was too tired to actually tell him to leave, but something told her she’d be having a very unwanted conversation right now. Then again, Steve seemed a little less bubbly than usual, so maybe this would go really well and she wouldn’t have to bang her head against anything.

“No, it’s not a designated spot,” she answered. “I’ve just never seen anyone else up here.”

Steve smiled. “Well, surprise,” he said easily. “I can move if you want.”

Natasha turned to look at him and shrugged a little. “You can stay if you’re good.” She glanced down at the book on his lap and cocked her head to the side out of curiosity. “What were you doing?”

“Oh. Uh, drawing. The skyline. I figured it was good practice considering I’m usually drawing people…”

So he was an artist too? “I didn’t know you could draw.” Natasha sighed. Of course she didn’t; why would she know that about him unless she’d been carefully listening in on the almost daily gossip sessions going on near the nurses’ station? “Are you any good?”

“I mean, I sure hope so,” he laughed. “If I haven’t gotten any better by now, it’s probably time to give it up.”  

Without her actually asking him to, Steve opened his book again and flipped through for a moment until he was handing it over to her with a half-finished sketch of the view from the room right there on the page. It turned out that not only was Steve good, he was spectacular. The drawing was done with such easy talent and precision that Natasha wondered why he hadn’t just gone into graphic design or something and saved himself all the stress that came with a job in the medical field. Natasha loved what she did, but it felt like Steve could have really excelled as an artist and he clearly loved drawing, so why not?

“This is really impressive,” she told him as she handed the book back to him. Because why wouldn’t it be? Steve was practically perfect, so it followed that he would just be incredibly talented at anything and everything he put his mind to. “Some would say it’s almost criminal how good you seem to be at oh, just about everything.”

Steve grinned widely. “I hate to break it to you, but there are definitely things I’m not good at.”

“Such as?”

“Uh, such as… dancing! I’m not a good dancer. Never really had the opportunity to practice.”

Natasha sighed and looked over at him like he’d just said the most obvious thing in the world. “Very few men know how to dance,” she told him. “That just makes you normal.”

“I’m sure there’s gotta be something else,” he laughed. “Can’t we focus on what I _can_ do? I can do a lot of things, I’ve even been told I’m good at some of those things.”

For some reason, Natasha got the vibe that he was _flirting_? Was he flirting with her? “Careful, Steve,” she murmured. “If you don’t stop, I might get the wrong idea.”

Steve’s cheeks darkened a little bit, but to his credit he stayed relatively calm. “Maybe I want you to get the wrong idea,” he countered. It wasn’t the smoothest line in the world, but Natasha smirked anyway. “That is, the wrong-- idea in the right way.”

Natasha could have sworn he’d gotten a little closer. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were flirting with me,” she said, picking her head up and raising one eyebrow at him. “How very daring. And how very inappropriate.”

“Me?” Steve gave her what could best be described as two big, blue puppy dog eyes. “Me, flirting with someone who has shown no outward interest and looks like she wants to hit me more often than not? No! What kind of idiot do you think I am?”

All of a sudden, Natasha realized that the prospect of a physical arrangement with Steve wouldn’t exactly be a burden. It was a risk she wasn’t sure she was willing to take, but based on what she knew of him so far and based on his physical appearance… maybe it would be worth that risk. For now, she’d play it off as harmless flirtation and see what happened from there.

“I think…” She leaned forward a little bit and reached up to tap Steve’s cheek with one polished finger. “That you’re the kind of idiot who finds flirting with someone who low-key wants to hit you oddly thrilling.” Calling him out like that turned out to give her the reaction she wanted; Steve blushed and ducked his head, but there was a clearly interested twinkle in his gaze that she couldn’t miss, not even if she wanted to. “I have to say, I’m a little impressed.”

Steve swallowed hard enough to really make his Adam’s apple bob and licked his lips. “Yeah?” He offered up a cocky grin and Natasha _almost_ wanted to kiss it off his face. Almost.

Instead, she pressed her lips together and moved in real close. God, she hoped she was reading him right because otherwise she was going to have one hell of an uncomfortable conversation with Pepper after he filed a sexual harassment complaint. “Yeah.”

Unfortunately, Natasha’s phone beeped before anything else could go on and the moment was basically ruined in favor of checking her messages. “I have to go,” she sighed, pocketing her phone again. “I’ve got a transplant patient who’s asking for me, but thanks for the… break.”

With that, she stood up and made her way back into the building to check on her patient. But later that day when Natasha passed by the nearly constant group of nurses loitering outside the nursery and Steve looked up specifically so he could wave to her, she felt an odd sense of accomplishment. That is, she smirked and casually waved back at him while the nurses at the window turned to stare at her on her way past. It felt like things were about to get _interesting_.


	2. Chapter 2

As time passed, it was almost too easy to forget the little moment she and Steve had almost shared on the roof. Natasha went about her life as usual after that, although she had to admit (at least to herself) that Steve didn’t annoy her from a distance quite as much as he used to. Maybe that was all because she understood the appeal, or maybe it was because she didn’t think it was all that important to curb their enthusiasm for the handsome nurse unless a patient’s well-being was put on the line. As of now, everything would be perfectly alright as long as she maintained a staff on the cardiac floor at all times.

They would have to ogle Steve in shifts.

Still, it felt like they were always bumping into each other. The elevator was a particularly common spot; more often than not, they at least arrived at the same early hour and enjoyed several minutes together on the way up. Sometimes they’d share the same elevator going down, but Natasha usually stayed longer than she absolutely had to and he was long gone by then unless something went wrong or he felt particularly compelled to stay.

It was very late on a Friday when Natasha got into the elevator knowing very well that Steve would likely be leaving now too. The reason she knew that was because she had heard from one of the nurses that a child born at their hospital had passed away just a few weeks after they were brought into the world and Steve had apparently taken it rather hard. That ensured that he would be staying late, so when she arrived on the maternity floor and only a nurse she didn’t recognize got on, Natasha had to frown. Where was he?

On an impulse she really should have ignored, she got off and set off down the hall to check the nursery for Steve. Her heels clicked along as she made her way down, briefcase and purse bumping against one another on her left side, coat left unbuttoned for the time being because maybe she’d hoped that Steve would comment on her new dress. He wasn’t in the nursery, though. Natasha wondered if maybe he’d gone home already, but something told her he hadn’t and she decided that she ought to investigate further. No Steve in the break room, no Steve anywhere in the delivery rooms or the waiting room…

Stopping at the elevator, she sighed. Of course.

She made her way up without any hesitation at all, even though she was worried for her state of mind considering she didn’t exactly go seeking out company very often; Steve was just a colleague no matter how many polite conversations they’d had or how close they’d come to kissing. On the roof, Natasha peered around a few corners and huffed to herself. “Steve?"

Nothing.

“Steve…?”

She eventually rounded another corner and found him sitting on the same ledge as before- her ledge. And he looked awful. Steve looked like he had the entire world resting on his shoulders and when he looked up to give her a fleeting, sad smile, Natasha was surprised to find herself sitting down beside him. There was silence for a few beats before she decided that someone had to say something.

“You know, some might view this as a cry for help,” she said evenly. “Sitting up on a roof by yourself at night after a twelve hour shift isn’t what a professional would call healthy behavior.”

Steve let out a little sound that sounded like a laugh mixed with some kind of scoff. “I’m not—I’m fine,” he said with a sigh. “It’s just been a really long day.”

“I heard what happened,” she offered. “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Another snort and Steve shook his head rather decidedly. “That baby should have been fine,” he said firmly. “If the goddamn parents hadn’t been so stupid—“

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Steve, sometime these things just happen. You know as well as I do that SIDS doesn’t discriminate—“

Steve shook his head again. “It wasn’t SIDS.” He huffed out a breath and lifted his hand to show her a photograph of a newborn baby girl with a little bow in her hair and a goofy, lopsided smile. “Look at her. Madeline: born September 14, six pounds, seven ounces, 21 inches long. And I’d bet my whole salary that she was shaken.”

“Why would you say that?” She asked, tilting her head to the side. “You think the parents were unfit?”

“I thought I knew it when she was born,” he admitted. “But you can’t do anything about it unless you’ve got something better than a gut feeling.” Steve pushed a hand through his hair and let out a long sigh. “But I had such a bad reaction to the father. He was so… aggressive, somehow. Like he didn’t really want to be there, you know? It was just some burden. How could he act like that at the birth of his child? How could anyone treat a baby like nothing more than an inconvenience? She’s blood and he just—“

Natasha didn’t know what made her do it, but she reached out and laid a hand on Steve’s back, idly rubbing over his shoulder blade like that would help the situation. She was close enough as it was; there was really no reason to scoot over to him, but she did anyway, and kept on rubbing like she knew what she was doing. “There was nothing you could have done,” she told him.

“I know,” he said quietly. “I know. But it’s still frustrating. If I’d fudged something, if I’d framed the guy or—or paid them a visit or something, maybe then she’d still be alive.”

“Steve, you’re not a social worker,” she told him. “You can’t be expected to—“

“That’s it,” he interrupted. “I’ve got to make friends with a social worker.”

Natasha actually smiled. This guy was unbelievable and it was charming and genuine and hopelessly confusing all at once because she just wasn’t used to all of this. She wasn’t used to being around people who were good for the sake of being good; these days even most of the doctors she’d worked with did their job for the prestige and the paycheck and while she certainly wasn’t saying that they didn’t care at all about their patients, it wasn’t like this. Steve seemed so personally connected to the people he helped, people he only really knew for a short while… It was sweet, really; stupid, but very sweet.

“I’ve never met anyone like you before,” she told him, finally dragging her hand away. “You’re so—“ She searched for a word for a couple of minutes, but ultimately just huffed and shrugged her shoulders. “You look at your patients like they’re part of your family or something,” she said at last. “It’s admirable, but it’s one of the dumbest things you could possibly do.”

Steve shrugged a little in return. “You’re probably right,” he admitted. “But I’m not gonna change.”

“Because you’re also stubborn in addition to being admirable, sweet, _dreamy_ , and in possession of a very nice ass,” she quipped. “I mean, the guitar and the inappropriate manhandling of a guy out of the hospital and the octopi aside, I think the vast number of ladies at your disposal can forgive the fact that you’re a little stubborn. Then again, that might just be because of the ass. Or the chest, or maybe the arms. There’s really something for everyone.”

“You think I’m sweet?”

Natasha turned to look at him. “Really? That’s what you took from that? Nothing about the women fawning over you? All you got from that was--”

Before she could finish her statement, Steve leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was unexpected and messy, in fact he very nearly missed her lips and caught her cheek instead, but Natasha found herself giving in without a fight. Steve’s lips were warm and soft, and it felt like he was smiling against her mouth even then. It felt like he understood that she was _not_ going to admit to wanting this, but also knew that she absolutely did. It was almost reassuring that she wouldn’t have to explain herself. And because she knew he got it, Natasha didn’t even hesitate before reaching up to the back of his neck and pulling him in a little harder. She didn’t protest when his hand landed on her thigh, and she allowed him to deepen the kiss without a second thought.

After all, how complicated could this even get? Steve didn’t seem like the type to start drama and since it felt so _good_ , Natasha didn’t think she even had it in her to step back right now. Before she even knew what was happening, she was hiking up the skirt of her dress and throwing a leg over his lap to straddle him, idly sucking his lower lip between her teeth and lightly biting down while his hands slid right over her hips to her ass. That was enough to pull a short laugh from her and she broke the kiss to give him a look. “So you’re an ass man,” she teased. “I should have known.”

Steve was a little flushed and he grinned widely at her words. “You’ve got such a nice one…”

“How hard was it for you to resist saying that before?”

“One of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” he answered immediately.

Natasha rolled her eyes at him and leaned down for another kiss as she slid her hands down his chest to take a real account of just how fit he happened to be- and he was _very_ fit. “All that running,” she mumbled against his lips as she slid her hands under the top of his scrubs and _shivered_. God, when was the last time a nice set of abs made her weak?

Steve grunted and finally took the initiative to slide his hands down over her thighs to find--

“Woah, wait a second.” He broke their kiss and looked down as his fingers brushed over the garter belt and stockings Natasha was wearing that day. “You do surgery in these? Seriously?”

Natasha arched an eyebrow at him. “Impressed?”

Steve nodded. “And a little scared, I’ve gotta say.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I take the heels off.”

He was still toying with the clip that secured the belt to her stocking when Natasha tipped his chin up and sealed their lips together again. Eventually, she managed to find out that not only did Steve have very sensitive nipples-- that is, he let out a really weird sound when she brushed over both at the same time-- but that based on the solid length pressing up against her after some time, he might actually be some kind of perfect. She rocked her hips down against him without pause, even going so far as to huff out a laugh against his neck when he swore under his breath.

By the time he ducked his head down to kiss over the tops of her breasts without even bothering to actually get her dress open, Natasha was comfortable enough to brush her fingers through his hair and egg him on. She bit down on her lower lip as he pulled her closer to him and pressed his hips up for a little more contact, his hands fitting perfectly on either side of her waist. Steve hit every single bullet point on Natasha’s list; it was unbelievable how he seemed to know everything she’d like most without ever asking first. But it was when he groaned against her collarbone that Natasha was finally brought back down to Earth and realized what they were doing.

They were making out on the roof. She was straddling a colleague’s lap _on the roof_ and making out with him while he was still technically on the clock. Pepper would not approve. But considering it was probably just a knee jerk reaction so he’d have some company on a hard night, this little interaction was exactly the sort of thing Natasha could handle.

Just as Steve was really starting to grind up against her and just as Natasha seriously considered having sex on the roof like some kind of horny teenager, the door opened and there were footsteps coming their way. Natasha pushed herself up and off Steve’s lap to shimmy her skirt back down before grabbing her bag and his hand to pull him around the corner and out of sight; she didn’t regret this just yet, but being caught would change that. As they pressed their backs against the wall, they listened for the pair of unidentified strangers to take their positions near the edge of the roof, likely for a smoke break, crept around the other side, and made a mad dash for the door.

Steve burst into laughter the second they were back inside and safely away from any prying eyes, but back in the hospital… Natasha was just sort of reminded that they shouldn’t be doing what they were doing. He was so _obnoxiously_ genuine; there wasn’t even a point in trying to further this. They wandered into the elevator together and Steve did that thing that guys do when they want more than they’ve already gotten.

“Any chance you’re free for dinner?”

For the first time during this whole thing, Natasha seriously hesitated. What good would that do her? Was it supposed to be a date? And if he considered it a date, then it might get awkward when she didn’t want to go on a second date.

“I’m actually already late for an appointment,” she said smoothly. “Rain check?”

Steve looked at her like he’d really been hoping for dinner that evening and Natasha immediately fought back the urge to let him know exactly where they stood; this wasn’t a relationship, it was just something that happened between them. She wasn’t going to question it, but she wasn’t going to encourage it either. Natasha had learned a long time ago that a real relationship, whatever that meant, was probably out of the question for her.

“Yeah, no worries,” he answered. “Have a good night, Nat.”

She still got a smirk and a light touch to her lower back before he jogged off the elevator to presumably get himself cleaned up and changed so he could head home. She stood by her decision, but Natasha avoided her reflection in the elevator doors as they closed. Had she made a mistake? It wasn’t like she was looking for a relationship, but Steve seemed like a good person and going out to dinner with him wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world even if he was obnoxiously genuine. It was just so much easier to stop this now, before things got complicated and weird.

But he’d called her ‘Nat’ like they were friends now. Would that matter?

No. No, the likelihood was that he’d move right on past all this by the time Monday rolled around.

 

Except that on Monday, Steve passed her in the hallway and asked her to have lunch with him. Natasha feigned not feeling very well and skipped out early since she didn’t have any surgeries scheduled for that afternoon.

On Tuesday, she actively avoided him when she saw him stepping onto the elevator by pretending she’d forgotten something in her office and simply had to go back for it. She stepped out, and she had to wait twenty whole minutes before heading out again.

On Wednesday, she commandeered the conversation he started in the morning by complaining about a very intricate surgery she had coming up and the annoying family that came with the patient she’d be working on. The conversation lasted all the way up to the maternity floor and Steve had no choice to get out without asking her anything else.

On Thursday, however, Natasha was entirely taken by surprise. She had seen Steve in the nursery a hundred times, met him in the elevator over and over again, and now saw him on the roof more than once, but she had never seen him on the cardiac floor… until now. Steve came striding down the hall like the nurses weren’t all staring at him from either side, from the rooms they were in tending to patients, from the nurses’ station… He walked down the hall like he belonged there, but still managed to smile and wave at anyone he passed by, wishing them a good day to the best of his ability.

And just imagine _everyone’s_ surprise when he stopped outside Natasha’s door and knocked.

No one was more surprised than Natasha, who had called out a quick ‘Come in’ and went back to perusing the medical journal currently pulled up on her computer. Steve looked so out of place in her office and when he shut the door behind him, she finally looked up and stared. What was happening? Why was he there? Was he going to make a big deal of what happened on Friday?

Why in the name of God was he wearing a pair of light pink scrubs like he didn’t look like a big, muscular poof of cotton candy or something? The mothers down in maternity and the nurses must have been going crazy all morning; Natasha was actually gratified that she hadn’t noticed.

“Are you lost?” She asked as she sat back in her chair. “You look lost. And very pastel.”

Steve laughed. “Nah, I’m not lost,” he assured her as he landed in one of the chairs in front of her desk. “I figured I’d meet you up here and ask you to lunch, since you always seem to be so busy.”

Natasha very nearly balked at him. Didn’t he know how to take a hint? “I don’t usually go out for lunch,” she said- that was honest, at least. She was prone to taking her breaks right at her desk and working through them for the most part. All the nurses knew where to find her, and it prevented her from being paged mid-meal and having to run out in a rush.

“That’s okay,” he said brightly. “I figured we could order in. My treat.”

This was either incredibly charming or borderline manipulative; Natasha couldn’t quite decide which one and the fact that Steve was smiling at her made it even more difficult. “Fine,” she agreed. “But I want sushi.”

Steve made a face. “Sushi? Why?”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “You don’t like sushi?”

“Man invented fire for a reason,” he mumbled, pulling out his phone anyway. “But alright.”

“They also have Chinese food, don’t worry,” she told him, clearly amused. “Order from Chopsticks and I recommend the dumplings. So picky.”

“I’m not picky at all! I eat pretty much anything, but raw fish? Raw fish is my limit.”

Giving him a look, Natasha turned a little and leaned over her desk. “Have you even tried it?”

Steve glanced up at her for a fleeting moment. “No,” he said quietly. “But that doesn’t mean I want to. It’s _raw_ , Natasha. Raw. We’re supposed to cook the fish before we eat it.”

Shaking her head at him, Natasha finally turned away from her computer and crossed her legs at the knee while she leaned back to look at him. What was he really doing here? Was it all because they hadn’t quite had sex when there was obviously the chance that they might?

“You know, steak tartare is raw,” she mused as she took his phone to punch in her order. Natasha ordered a couple of rolls and a side salad and slid the phone back over her desk so he could finish the order.

Steve scoffed. “I won’t be ordering that shit anytime soon either,” he assured her. “Meat is supposed to be cooked, goddamnit.”

Natasha let out a low whistle. “So Prince Charming has a potty mouth,” she observed. “I feel like I should alert the girls.” She paused. “That is, if they’re not already pressed up against my door trying to hear everything they can.”

Steve balked and actually turned to give the door a quick look. “They’re not really out there, right?”

“Nah, I wouldn’t think so. They’re too scared of me to risk it.”

He looked back to her and rubbed his hands over his thighs. “Scared of you? Why would they be scared of you? You’re so bright and bubbly.”

Natasha actually stared at him for a few moments before they both smiled and he laughed off the idea that she was scary. “Don’t pretend you haven’t heard the rumors,” she mused. “Cardiac surgeon without a heart and all that. I’m pretty sure at least half the hospital thinks I’m some kind of sociopath.”

Steve shrugged. “You’re a shitty sociopath,” he told her. “I’m pretty sure a sociopath wouldn’t have tried so hard to make sure I was okay the other night.”

Shit. “Don’t get cocky,” she answered. “No one likes a smartass.”

Steve gave her a wolfish grin. “You seem to like me a lot better,” he countered.

Natasha pressed her lips together and shook her head at him. “Maybe that’s just because you’re buying me lunch.”

“Or maybe it’s because—“

He was cut short by a knock on the door and got up to answer it without Natasha saying a word about it. Outside, the delivery man handed him the food and thanked him for the tip, and Natasha could see the nurses craning their necks to see what was happening inside her office for just a moment before the door was shut again. They were probably dying of curiosity, but she knew they wouldn’t dare ask her to her face. It was perfectly likely that there would be a host of rumors going around the hospital by the time Natasha went home that day and while she usually didn’t mind, this one could be problematic.

“Alright, here we go… Dumplings, chicken, and rice for me…” Steve set out a couple of containers on his side of the desk and reached into a separate bag for the container belonging to Natasha. “And raw fish for you.”

Natasha rolled her eyes at him. “You haven't tried it!”

Steve pulled his chair all the way up to the other side of her desk and plopped down so he could neatly unpack his food. “I don’t need to try it,” he said, fishing out a pair of chopsticks for each of them. “It’s raw fish; it can’t possibly be good.”

Opening her container, Natasha took a good look at all the neat little rolls lined up for her and patiently filled the provided space with soy sauce for dipping. “You should try one,” she suggested easily.

“Nope.” Steve shook his head and popped a whole dumpling into his mouth to begin with. He even kind of talked with his mouth full, but it was probably more charming than anything else. She couldn’t even see the food because he pushed it to the side and spoke out of the other side of his mouth; it was surprisingly graceful.

“Come on. What are you so afraid of? It’s good.”

“It can’t be good. Natasha, it looks gross.”

“Oh, it does not. Stop being such a baby.”

“I’m not a baby- I just want to eat food that’s cooked.”

“I dare you to try a piece.”

Steve looked up and glared at her over the desk. “You dare me.”

Natasha nodded. “Yep.” She popped one piece into her mouth and happily chewed, even making a sound so he would know for sure that she was enjoying it.

He looked so miserable in that moment, even as he chewed and swallowed down another dumpling. Natasha wondered if he was one of those people, the people who couldn’t back down from a dare no matter how little they actually wanted to see it through. “Fine,” he mumbled.

“Fine. What are my options again?”

“We’ve got eel cucumber, salmon, and a Philadelphia roll.” She pointed them out and watched as Steve leaned over the desk to inspect her plate. “The salmon is the plainest one, but the Philadelphia roll has cream cheese in it.”

“That one,” he decided. “The one with the cream cheese in it."

Natasha indicated the one he should take and Steve picked it up to plop it down on the cover of his own container. “It looks so offensive,” he said as he studied the sushi rather dubiously. “And raw.”

“Just try it,” she laughed. “One big mouthful, you can do it.”

Steve made a face, but ultimately closed his eyes and stuffed the piece of sushi into his mouth. It was comical to the point of being ridiculous; he was so clearly not enjoying it and the face he was pulling was enough to make Natasha laugh for real. She covered her mouth as she leaned back and just laughed at him- at him, not with him –but that was nothing compared to the snort that came out when he finally swallowed and immediately pointed his chopsticks at her.

“That was awful!” He accused, but the way he smiled right afterwards let her know that he thought it was funny too. Or maybe he thought it was funny that she was laughing so hard at him. Or maybe he hadn’t hated it as much as he said.

Natasha couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed like this; she felt like a little girl or something, or like she was in l--- Wait. Abruptly getting control of herself, she shook her head and took another bite of her sushi while Steve washed the one piece he’d had down with a gulp of water. It wasn’t a crime to be friends with someone of the opposite sex, she reminded herself. But being friends with someone she was attracted to, someone who was clearly attracted to her, someone she’d already kissed… That was another story altogether.

As they wrapped up their lunch, Natasha wondered if she’d made a mistake in allowing this to happen. It wasn’t as though Steve seemed like one of those guys who wouldn’t leave her alone if she clearly told him to, but then again he had asked her out a bunch of times even though she kept declining…

“This was nice,” he offered on the way out. “I hope you thought so too.”

Natasha found a lot to think about in that little statement. He seemed so hopeful; it almost felt like he was really trying to get her to like him, rather than convince her to date him. Those two things, though they might sound the same, were very different from one another. The only problem at this point was that Natasha wasn’t sure she wanted to date anyone, let alone someone who felt so very different from pretty much anyone she’d ever known. He was dangerous, point blank.

“Surprisingly amusing,” she said. “That’s how I’d classify it.”

Steve smiled and gave the door a quick look. “What are the chances they’re not going to stare at me as I leave?”

“Honestly? Slim to none. That is, every single nurse out there is going to follow your every move until you’re no longer in their line of sight. Probably some patients too, maybe a few doctors… If they weren’t doing it before, the pink is definitely going to do it.”

“Well,” he huffed, straightening his shoulders a little more and puffing out his chest. “Better make the most if it, huh?”

With that, he winked at her for the third time – God, she was going to have to tell him to stop that – and left the room, closing the door behind him. Natasha got up as fast as she could and peered out through her window to see the nurses scrambling to look like they were working while Steve marched past them and waved. Idiot. He was going to start some kind of riot.

Unfortunately, Natasha’s good mood didn’t last until the end of the day. As soon as she left her office after lunch, she realized that getting away with a private meal with the hospital’s most desired man was not going to be easy. The nurses hushed each other when she came near, which wasn’t an odd occurrence at all except for the fact that it was worse than before. Soon enough, she heard words like ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ being thrown around and she honestly didn’t know why; she’d never had another relationship they knew about and she didn’t have one now either! Was it just because of how she looked or was it because they were jealous?

Either way, Natasha disliked the fact that something as innocent as a lunch in her office could have such an impact on her work life. She was just lucky that she happened to be friends with Pepper, who called her in for ‘official hospital business’ just three days later.

“This is awkward.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Well, if you’re saying it’s awkward, how am I going to feel?”

Pepper sighed. “Are you sleeping with Steve?”

Shit. “Why? Did you have dibs or something?”

“Because you’re pretty much the talk of the hospital, Nat. Everyone’s saying you had sex in your office or something. I’ve even heard that you’ve been making use of some closets here and there and while I know there’s no rule about coworkers having relationships, you know it’s not wise to—“

“I’m not sleeping with him,” she interrupted. “You don’t really believe those people, do you?”

“Not entirely.” Pepper had the good graces to look a little sheepish. “But he’s very handsome. I wouldn’t blame you for it, okay? I just need to know so I can combat whatever rumors are out there. And I hope that if it were true, you would have told me all the dirty details.”

Natasha smirked. “Careful, you’re slipping into ‘friend’ mode instead of ‘scary administrator’ mode.”

Pepper rolled her eyes and moved to sit on the edge of her desk so she could have a more intimate discussion with Natasha. “Something happened,” she said confidently. “Otherwise you’d be laughing by now.”

“We might have made out on the roof,” she admitted. “And then we had lunch in my office. No sex.”

“You made out! I thought you hated him.”

“I don’t hate him; I just think he’s incredibly… He’s an ass.”

“As you’re the one who’s kissed him, your argument has kind of lost some of its strength.”

Okay, she did have a point. “In my defense, he kissed me,” she said. “He’s a good kisser. And if you want to know all the gossip I wouldn’t ever tell the nurses, I think he’s got a big dick.”

Pepper’s jaw dropped. “I thought you said you didn’t have sex!”

It was Natasha’s turn to smirk and give her a coy look. “We didn’t,” she said easily. “But there was some rubbing on top of the kissing. And the touching.”

“On the roof? You did this on the roof. Of my hospital.”

Natasha laughed at the look on her face. “I mean, it’s not like I planned it.”

“I’m so jealous,” she groaned. “It’s been too long since I got laid.”

“Well, if you’d let Stark take you on a date…”

“No. That’s out of the question no matter how badly I need to get some.”

Natasha shook her head. “He’s not that bad,” she mused. “Handsome, conveniently rich... He’s even got a sense of humor, even if he gets to be a little too much sometimes.”

“Not in a million years,” Pepper answered. “He’s a donor to the hospital, nothing more than that.”

“Sure, sure.” Natasha stood up and smoothed out her skirt. “And Steve is just a nurse.”

 

It took almost a week for the rumors to settle down to a dull roar. Natasha still ran into Steve all the time, but he didn’t return to her office for another lunch; she did wonder whether or not that had anything to do with the fact that Pepper was obligated to call him in and remind him that inappropriate behavior at the workplace was not acceptable. She figured Pepper had managed to hint that Natasha was taking the brunt of the blowback for their supposedly torrid lunch affair.

The problem was that just as things began to settle down, Natasha went to check on one of her patients and found the woman missing. Frowning, she stepped back out of the room and marched up to the nurses’ station.

“Where’s Ms. Friedman? The woman in 804 who just had the triple bypass.”

Gemma avoided her gaze, but Wanda held it and gave her an answer. “Oh, isn’t she in there?” She asked. “That’s where I last saw her. Maybe she was taken for a scan? Or to the bathroom!”

Natasha narrowed her eyes. Wanda wasn’t stupid; she was _playing_ stupid in the hopes that Natasha would go look for her on her own instead of asking more questions. “I’m going to ask one more time,” she said as evenly as she could. “Where is my patient?”

“She’s with Steve,” Gemma blurted out.

Both Wanda and Natasha turned to stare at her. “Excuse me?”

Gemma sighed and twisted her hands together anxiously. “Steve came up and he said that Mrs. Friedman’s daughter had just given birth to twins, so he thought it would be nice to bring her down for a visit since her surgery went so well. We didn’t think it would be a problem…”

“Meaning you just couldn’t say no to him,” Natasha surmised. “Was it the eyes, or the smile?”

Both nurses ducked their heads and sighed. “Both?”

She was going to kill him. Natasha set down the chart in her hands and turned to march herself down to the maternity ward and find her patient. Honestly, the nerve of him! How dare he just come up to her floor, commandeer a patient, and walk away with her! She could have had a cardiac event while she was holding a baby and the hospital would be responsible for it-- _Natasha_ would be responsible for it. Yes, the surgery had gone really well and the probability was slim, but still. This was totally irresponsible on his part _and_ the parts of her nurses.

A cursory search of the maternity ward left her standing just outside one of the private rooms staring at _her patient_ with a baby in her arms and an IV neatly attached to a pole at the back of her wheelchair. Steve sat nearby while mother and daughter cooed over the two newborns and Natasha could see the way he really got some kind of joy out of their happiness; if she hadn’t been so very upset with him, she might have thought it was charming. Might have.

As it was, he caught sight of her and jumped up to meet her at the door. “Okay, I know this looks bad,” he started, eyeing the way her hands landed on her hips and no doubt noticing that her lips had pressed together. “But they’re her first grandchildren and her daughter was so upset that she couldn’t be there… And I've been with her the whole time to make sure she's okay.”

He was wearing purple scrubs and Natasha wanted to hit him. “She had a triple bypass two days ago,” she hissed. “Two days ago, Steve! She could be unstable.”

“But she’s not,” he argued. “She’s fine. I made sure. I checked the chart and everything.”

Natasha stepped closer to him and pointed up at his face since she knew she didn’t exactly have size on her side. “You’re not a doctor,” she told him. “You’re a nurse, and that’s _my_ patient--”

“So what, I’m not a doctor. I still know if a patient can handle coming down a few floors to visit a baby!” Steve seemed offended, but Natasha just found that even more obnoxious. He _wasn’t_ a doctor, alright? He was a nurse and a nurse in the maternity ward at that! For all she knew, he had no experience with cardiac patients.

Natasha pressed her lips together even more severely. “You could have brought the mother and the kids up to her,” she reasoned. “Did you ever think of that?”

“She just gave birth!” He reasoned. “To _twins_. And the babies are susceptible to all kinds of things when they’re this young, you know that.” Steve really was charming when he tried; he was giving her this look like he wanted her to understand his thought process and that it wasn’t such a bad thing to let them have this. She got the idea, okay? She got it.

But that didn’t mean he was supposed to do what he’d done, especially without the attending physician explicit permission to do so!

“Steve, you can’t just--”

“Can’t just what? Can’t just do what’s best for _both_ of our patients? Look at them. C’mon, they deserve a moment to celebrate.”

Right, because she was this awful, heartless person and he was a big, kind, benevolent presence working against her, right? She was the bad guy and he was the hero even though he undermined her authority and took her patient for an unsupervised, unsanctioned visitation, even though he was fighting her on it now, and even though he was a _nurse_.

“You listen to me--”

Natasha was just getting ready to tear Steve a brand new one when someone stopped beside them and huffed out a breath.

“You two wanna get a room?”

Sam was always so blunt about everything. Natasha turned to give him a look and stepped back as she did her best to just not be quite as aggressive as she had been a moment ago. “Are we holding you up or something?”

“I mean, you’re distracting half the floor with your unresolved sexual tension and whatever the hell else is going on here,” he quipped. “I’m just the first one who’s brave enough to point it out.” She watched as Sam gave Steve a once over and nodded slowly. “You the same nurse who’s been hounding my secretary for a business lunch?”

Steve quickly shifted gears when he realized that this guy was the same social worker he’d heard was a damn good guy to work with and put his hand out for a shake. “Yeah, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you. You’re harder to get in contact with than a politician.”

“You’re not a client,” he reasoned. “Forgive my secretary for blowing you off.”

“She was real polite about it.” Steve shrugged a little bit.

“In any case, if you two could just give it a rest, I’m sure everyone would appreciate it.”

Natasha crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh, we’re done,” she announced. “I’ll be sending my nurses down in fifteen minutes to retrieve my patient. Don’t _ever_ do that again.”

With that, she turned on her heel and marched off while Steve and Sam both watched as avidly as one might imagine. Natasha returned to her floor and immediately slammed the door to her office because she needed a moment to just calm down. It wasn’t often that she got so visibly angry, but Steve had a way of doing that to her, didn’t he? He was _obnoxious_ even when he was doing something nice. Or maybe he wasn’t and she was just sensitive. _Whatever_.

Half an hour later, her patient was back on her floor and Steve was rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet beside her. “So, is she okay? Everything’s okay, right?”

Natasha pressed her lips together and looked up at him. “Yes,” she answered, turning her eyes right back to the chart she was reviewing now that she’d had her nurses take vitals and whatnot to check up on Mrs. Friedman in a nice, thorough way. “Luckily, everything seems to be fine.”

“So no harm done,” he said smugly. “I told you everything would be fine.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and turned to walk away before she said something she might regret later on, but Steve jogged after her and eventually stood in her way.

“Come on, don’t be mad,” he tried. “It was really innocent, I promise. And they were so happy.”

“Just because people like you doesn’t mean you get whatever you want.” Natasha stepped right up to him and tilted her head back so she could look into his eyes. “Being sweet isn’t a pass to do whatever without having to ask for permission.”

“Better to ask forgiveness than permission,” he reasoned quickly. “Please? I'll make it up to you.”

Natasha pointed at him and eventually settled that one finger on his chest. He was such an idiot, but she’d already forgiven him and that was the part that really made Natasha crazy because he _had_ done something stupid, but not ultimately harmful. “I’m not reporting you,” she said quietly. “But you should probably stop thinking that a few kisses means you can get away with whatever you want. I don’t think they were even your best.”

Steve smirked a little bit. “No? Then I guess we’ll have to try again.”

With that, Natasha playfully rolled her eyes at him and turned to leave, giving him something to watch as she made her way down the hall. She was smiling to herself the whole time.


	3. Chapter 3

Two impromptu lunches and several elevator conversations later, Natasha was comfortable enough to call Steve something of a close acquaintance, if not a friend. They were work friends; that was a thing no matter how useless such relationships generally turned out to be. The rumors hadn’t entirely stopped, but Natasha had caught a couple of the nurses talking about her and the shriveling glare she’d given them was more than enough to at least hinder the gossip. A little bit.

The only problem in this little scenario was that despite the fact that Natasha would rather just remain _friends_ with someone who voluntarily wore pastel multiple times a week, she found herself enjoying his company more every time they were together. Steve was sweet, as she’d told him right to his face, and he did seem to understand that asking her out wasn’t going to get him anywhere. Whether that was because he was a patient sort of guy or because he wasn’t really interested in her that way anymore was something she just couldn’t figure out. But maybe that was just part of Steve’s appeal; Natasha barely understood what such a good person saw in her.

It was kind of strange to have someone other than Pepper to talk to on a daily basis at work. Her only other real friend managed to keep her social needs at a comfortable level on a general basis, but this was different. It was like Steve found it easy to get along with her, and that was in and of itself something of an accomplishment. Or maybe she was just impressed because he hadn't yet either flirted with her to a nauseating degree, made a lewd comment she couldn't stand, or grown disinterested and moved on. He was either incredibly obstinate or actually as good as he seemed. Or both.

With that said, Natasha knew very well that the banter she loved so much was a precursor to flirting. Sam seemed to think they were obvious about their attraction to one another and commented on it every chance he got, so she figured it was likely that other people saw it as well; even Pepper had said something about how good they would look together as a couple, but she also had ulterior motives considering she'd been urging Natasha to try dating again. The best possible scenario would be a completely uncomplicated, totally benign arrangement wherein she got to enjoy that body of his _and_ the banter without either of them catching feelings.

The track record as far as arrangements like that went on the whole kind of made it clear that the probability of being successful was very, very low, but she didn’t think about that.

 

“You can’t be serious. Batman is so much cooler than Superman, this is ridiculous.”

Steve sighed. “Superman is _Superman_ ,” he reasoned as he stuffed another bite of pizza into his mouth and continued on with his mouth half full. “No one is cooler than Superman, period.”

“You’re crazy,” Natasha answered. “Batman’s got the utility belt, and the car, and he’s not just Batman, he’s The Dark Knight. He’s amazing. And he built all that himself, you know? No alien blood, no weird superpowers; it’s just Bruce Wayne in a batsuit.”

“Yeah, it’s just Bruce Wayne in a batsuit!” He countered, still horrified that she didn’t agree. “Superman is an alien with super strength! And then on top of that, his morals are pretty important, right? He’s the good guy, no matter what. None of that brooding shit.”

“Um, if you watch the most recent incarnation, that’s not exactly true.”

Steve made a face. “Okay, so he broods. But Batman is just-- He’s just--”

“I will admit that the current Superman is hotter than the current Batman.”

He took another bite of his pizza and calmed a little bit. Natasha assumed that was because Steve usually settled whenever she revealed an opinion of hers that could be labeled ‘personal’. It was like he was just eager to know everything about her and while Natasha thought that was dangerous, she wanted to know about him too… so it was a mutual fascination, at least.

“Is that just because Batman’s a little older?”

Natasha scoffed. “No, of course not. He’s still handsome, but Superman?” She let out a low whistle and shook her head. “I mean, the man is physically perfect.”

“So you do like that whole clean cut thing,” he commented, giving her a cocky smile.

Rolling her eyes, Natasha shifted in her chair and picked yet another piece of pepperoni off her pizza. “You know who else is surprisingly attractive? Alfred. But then again, Jeremy Irons is always going to be somewhat attractive. It’s the voice, I think.”

“But he’s so old!”

Natasha gave him a look. “Sometimes older men are the way to go.”

There was silence for a few minutes while he thought that over and they both finished up their second slices of pizza. Natasha idly wondered if Steve would be the kind of guy who pulled the chair out for her on dates and just gave her a little kiss at the end of it. She wondered if he even had any secrets in his past. She wondered if he’d care about hers.

“Okay, I’ll admit he has a nice voice, but come _on_ ,” he said suddenly. “Superman is still the best.”

Natasha shook her head at him. “You’ll never understand,” she sighed dramatically. “We’d better just leave it at that before you get even more worked up.”

Steve gave her a look, but ultimately trashed his plate and napkin as he got up to leave. They’d taken to having lunch in her office once or twice a week, at least. When Natasha wasn’t in surgery right through Steve’s usual lunch break, it just wasn’t possible. And since it had been awkward that one time they’d gone out for lunch only to be stuck across the room from a couple of the RNs from the hospital, they preferred to stay in. Questions were already flying back and forth as to the nature of their relationship; Natasha didn’t need anyone else making predictions or trying to figure it out.

“But what _is_ the nature of your relationship?” Pepper asked over drinks one night. “You’re with him a lot. You eat together, you laugh together… No more makeout sessions on the roof?”

Natasha sipped her martini and sighed. “Nope, no more kissing,” she said. “I’m not even sure I’d want to if he tried.” 

Pepper gave her an unimpressed look and Natasha had to smile. “Yes you would!” She laughed. “You definitely would, who do you think you’re kidding?”

“I know, right?”

The truth was that Natasha was caught in this limbo of hoping something happened between her and Steve and knowing that it was probably a bad idea to let that ‘thing’ happen. It could give her a terrible reputation at the hospital once connections and observations were inevitably made, and although she knew her job was secure simply because she was one of the top surgeons in the hospital, she also knew that Steve’s job wasn’t. He was a celebrated nurse, yes, but if one of them was going to be let go because the administration didn’t like their behavior, it was going to be Steve. Sometimes she wondered if _he_ knew that.

Despite all of that, Natasha did want to spend more time with him. She could admit to herself that she enjoyed their lunches together and she liked teasing him. The whole thing (relationship, friendship, arrangement) left her feeling light and happy, and more relaxed on the whole. The only time that changed was when she got to thinking about what his true intentions were. If he just wanted to sleep with her it probably would have been less troubling, but Steve kept doing these little things for her that couldn’t be labeled anything but sweet.

Sometimes he’d leave little notes on her desk when he got in before her. A few times they continued an argument they’d had the day before, sometimes they just said a general thing like ‘Have a good day!’ or ‘Good luck with the surgery!’ or something like that, and one memorable time he left her a little cartoon of the two of them having lunch together. They never, ever failed to make her smile.

Steve had picked up pastries one day because he knew that Natasha had been through a bad morning and wanted to cheer her up. He didn’t make her talk about it, but he set a box of cannolis down on her desk like an offering and talked about a couple of his babies down in maternity-- that’s right, he called them his babies and it was adorable to a nauseating degree --while Natasha ate her half of the box in silence.

And then there were the little things; Steve would hold the elevator for her or even get out and wait for her to leave her office to join him on the way down. He’d wink at her from down the hall if he was passing by and she was busy. Once, and it was only once, she’d given herself a nasty paper cut while they were waiting for lunch to arrive and he had whipped out a Hello Kitty bandaid from the pocket of his scrubs, put it over the wound to her utter amusement, and even given her a little kiss there to make it better. Natasha had burst out laughing and teased him for ages about the bandaids, but the gesture was sweet all the same.

Steve’s attempts to be ‘sweet’ were the very reason Natasha took such joy in wearing a brand new dress to work one day. See, she had this theory that he wasn’t quite the gentleman he claimed to be and since there was no real way to test that theory without his participation, she just had to be patient. The dress she’d bought just a few days before was exactly the kind of thing she needed going into yet another day of will-he/won’t-he tension she’d built up in her own head.

It was black, like most of her clothing, and had just a little more skirt than her usual dresses did. Natasha generally preferred pencil skirts or dresses with fitted bottoms, but this dress nipped in tight at her waist and the skirt had just enough bounce to make her consciously aware of it brushing against her thighs as she moved. She’d neglected any tights or hose completely, but she’d paired the dress with beautiful black pumps she’d found on sale. All in all, Natasha felt just a little more confident than usual; sometimes a really great outfit was enough to do that.

Unfortunately, Steve hadn’t seen her all day and it was disappointing if only because if you didn’t see anyone important on a day you happened to look fantastic, did you ever really look fantastic at all? It was like that tree falling in the forest conundrum.

Natasha got onto the elevator that evening with her coat draped over her arm. She rationalized that there was no reason to be disappointed; honestly, it would have been a bad thing if Steve had come onto her in a really serious way because it would mess up their professional life and that was that. Besides… Natasha didn’t date. She didn’t date and if she knew anything about Steve, it was that he was something of a romantic. There was no way that an ‘arrangement’ between them wouldn’t go badly in the end.

All the same, Natasha’s heartbeat picked up as soon as the elevator doors opened to reveal Steve standing there with the strap of his messenger bag tight across his chest and his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Steve,” she said in surprise. “Sorry, I just haven’t seen you all day.”

“We had a woman give birth to _triplets_ ,” he explained as he stepped onto the elevator and leaned against the wall. She could feel his eyes on her. “She was in labor almost a full 24 hours and managed a natural birth anyway. What a trooper.”

Natasha turned and leaned against the opposite wall so she could give him a smile. “Triplets,” she breathed. “She must be exhausted.” She paused. “ _You_ must be exhausted.”

“Nah, it’s alright,” he answered. “It was beautiful.”

They went quiet for a few moments wherein Steve’s gaze wandered down from Natasha’s eyes to her bare legs and back up again. He gave her this crooked smile she really rather liked and idly let his hands grip the bar on either side of him. “New dress?”

Natasha felt like her heart was going to erupt right out of her chest. She didn’t even know if that was because she was a little nervous for no particular reason or because she _wanted_ him to notice her. She could berate herself later for being so interested in a man’s brief and fleeting praise of something so very shallow, but right now it was definitely what she wanted.

“Yeah,” she answered. “You like it?”

Steve swallowed hard enough for her to spot the way his Adam’s apple bobbed. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah, I really do. It's different.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Different?”

“I mean, different in a good way,” he said quickly. “In a really good way.” His eyes wandered down over her figure again and Natasha inwardly congratulated himself.

“Careful, Steve,” she murmured teasingly. “Keep looking at me like that and you might just ruin the golden boy image you’ve got going here.”

Steve tilted his head to the side. “Is that a challenge?”

Natasha smirked and shrugged a little bit, casually letting her tongue dart out to wet her lips. “That all depends on how you take it,” she countered. “Maybe you just don’t have it in you.”

Steve pushed himself up and away from the wall, moving closer until he was maybe six inches away from her. “Maybe the problem is that you don’t have _it_ in _you_.”

She lasted for about three seconds before snorting out a laugh because he thought he was smooth and she couldn’t take him seriously, not for one second. What she hadn’t expected, however, was Steve’s immediate presence in her personal space.

Natasha tipped her head back to catch his eye and raised one perfectly manicured eyebrow in a silent question met with just one thing; Steve reached out for her waist, pulled her right into him, and leaned down to catch her lips in a kiss so sure and confident that Natasha could hardly think, let alone do anything but surrender to it. Her brow furrowed as he urged her lips apart and Natasha found herself gripping the front of his shirt in an effort to bring him impossibly closer. This was what she’d been waiting for; Steve had more to him than he’d originally let on.

As her coat dropped to the floor and Steve’s free hand found the other side of her waist, Natasha let out a small groan of approval and wrapped her arms around his neck. It was like he’d been waiting for her to wear a skirt like that just so he could slide his hands down her thighs and pick her right up off the floor, wrapping her legs around his waist like they were meant to be there—but he didn’t do that; not now, not yet. Steve’s lips were just like she remembered them; they were hot and plump and endlessly searching for more, which was something that Natasha admired in any pair of lips.

Coupled with his big hands landing on her ass and only succeeding in making her imagine how they’d feel on her bare skin, Natasha had pretty much given in to this a moment after it started. If they could just do this, she’d say yes. It wasn’t messy; sex could be just fun between two people with nothing else needed or expected or even wanted. And then again, sex could also be the most complicated thing in the world. All she had to do was figure out which inevitability worked for the two of them before she got in too deep. As it seemed right now, she and Steve were going to get along just fine.

When he ducked down to scrape his teeth right over the sensitive spot in the dip of her left collarbone, she realized something else: Steve was a fast learner, and he remembered from last time what she liked the most. Once her hands went through his hair, Natasha figured that they’d be continuing this because it felt way too good to stop now—but no such luck. It felt like the elevator binging to let them know they’d reached one of the lower floors and actually had to stop there brought them right back down to Earth. They sprang away from one another and Natasha grabbed her coat just as a few other people got onto the elevator and effectively ended their little moment. All the heat, all the steam that had built up between them escaped the second the doors opened.

Steve’s cheeks were flushed. Natasha could see the soft pink spreading over his cheekbones and down the side of his neck, where it no doubt spread over his chest as well. All of a sudden, she wanted to chase it down with her lips and find out just how deeply she could make him blush. She wanted to know what sounds he’d made with her lips wrapped around him and what his face would look like when he came. All these questions and yet when the elevator opened again and let them out into the lobby, all she did was put her coat on and walk beside him towards the exit. Maybe they’d had a moment, but that apparently didn’t mean they were going home together.

“You hungry?” He asked as he held the door for her. “There’s a diner just up the street…”

Natasha gave him a look. “Just because you debauched me in the elevator doesn’t mean you have to buy me dinner afterwards,” she quipped.

Steve chuckled. “I mean, I’d buy you dinner anyway,” he shrugged, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

She knew that. Natasha knew without a doubt that Steve would buy her dinner even if she said right out that they wouldn’t be having sex afterwards, even if she hadn’t let him kiss her, even if she’d told him she just wasn’t interested in being anything but friends and colleagues… Something told her that he would persist because spending time together seemed to be something he enjoyed. The sex, though she was certain it would be amazing, didn’t seem to be his main goal here. Still, it felt like going out with him-- that is, even on an impromptu date-- would be a bad idea. It felt like she would be getting in far too deep.

“Another time,” she said easily. Buttoning up her coat, she gave him a smile for his trouble. “Have a good night, Steve.”

This time, she was the one to turn and walk away. She wandered off towards her own train station and made yet another vow that she would not continue to encourage this kind of behavior. When she got to work the next day and stepped into the lobby, it wasn’t even a surprise to find Steve walking towards the elevator in front of her. She caught up and fell into step beside him, already breaking the vow she’d clearly forgotten by the time she got up that morning.

“Good morning,” she said easily. “I hope there aren’t any triplets for you today.”

Steve grinned. “I wouldn’t mind another set. They’re so _sweet_ , Natasha, you should come see them. I mean, it was two girls and a boy, and they were all born with little tufts of black hair and the cutest little eyes…”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Careful, Steve. You’re beginning to sound overwhelmingly desperate to have a child. Are you actually a lot older than you look?”

“No,” he laughed. “I’m not. And I’m not desperate, I promise. I just like kids.”

It occurred to Natasha that even though he wasn’t, she wouldn’t have any idea if he was actually lying about how old he was. She didn’t even know when Steve’s birthday was and they’d been talking for ages now. Did that make her a bad friend?

The elevator ride up was perfectly normal and uneventful, but Natasha found herself thinking about the fact that she didn’t _know_ Steve all through the morning. The patients she had to visit and consult with were something of a distraction, but it wasn’t enough. By the time lunch came around, she nearly wished they _had_ slept together because then at least she would know exactly where everyone stood. Right now, it was like they were stuck in some kind of limbo and she wasn’t sure what was going to happen next; that kind of uncertainty just wasn’t welcome.

But then the unthinkable happened. Natasha actually decided to wander down to the maternity ward quite late that evening and visit the triplets that hadn’t yet been released with their mother. She wasn’t much of a fan of children, but Steve said they were adorable and since she couldn’t look at one more operative report without gouging her own eyes out, she went ahead and found something else to do. When she approached the nursery, however, she heard a familiar voice and slowed down to stay quiet. Balancing on the balls of her feet, she moved to stand in the doorway and listen as Steve, who was seated in a rocking chair with one baby in each arm, sang a soft lullaby to lull them to sleep.

Wait. Natasha paused and listened carefully to the lyrics because that didn’t _sound_ like any lullaby she’d heard before. What was he singing to them?

“She’s got eyes of the bluest skies as if they thought of rain… I’d hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain…. Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place where as a child I’d hide… and pray for the thunder, and the rain to quietly pass me by… Woah, oh, woah, sweet child o’mine…”

Steve was seriously singing Guns N’ Roses to a couple of children. He was singing a rock ballad… to infants; obviously he was missing a couple of guitar solos and he’d softened his voice to the point where it was just a nice melody, but _still_. How ridiculous could one person get? How could he be such a weird person? And who did he think he was, having a decent voice on top of everything else?

Natasha didn’t even realize she was smiling until Steve moved and carefully set each baby down in their respective spots. Finally, she stepped into the room and offered him an even wider smile despite every instinct telling her to get the hell out of there. “You’re singing vintage rock songs to infants now?”

Steve looked up in surprise and immediately blushed from the tips of his ears down to his neck. “How long have you been standing there, you stalker? You need a bell. There’s no reasonable explanation why you’re able to be so quiet in those heels.”

“Years of practice,” she deadpanned. “Years and years of practice and time on my toes.” He gave her a questioning look and Natasha shrugged. “I took ballet classes here and there. I was pretty good when I could get the money to pay for them. And I minored in dance while I did my undergrad work.”

“You mean I made out with a ballerina?”

“You made out with a surgeon who happens to be trained in ballet,” she told him.

“I’ll take it.” He paused for a second and stepped close enough to really make Natasha wonder if he was going to try for round three while they were standing in a nursery- arguably one of the least erotic spots available to them in this hospital alone. “You know, that offer for dinner is still on the table.”

Natasha sighed and lowered her gaze to his chest. He was wearing a pair of navy blue scrubs that day and she could see how the material was pulling tight over his pecs because God forbid he buy his shirts in the proper size. As he offered her dinner for the thousandth time, he crossed his arms over his chest and the material pulled over his biceps as well. Honestly, it was indecent. She could hardly be expected to resist forever.

“Dinner sounds good,” she said. “As long as it’s takeout and we eat it in your apartment.”

So far, being bold had taken her leaps and bounds beyond anything that would be expected from someone raised in a broken home by a useless lump of a parent; Natasha didn’t think breaking that streak would do her any favors now. Based on the way Steve looked at her, she was willing to bet that it was absolutely the right way to go. It was a Friday anyway; she didn’t have to be home tonight.

“Is Chinese okay with you?”

Fifteen minutes later, they were leaving the hospital and Steve was eventually leading her onto the 5 train to get home… to Brooklyn. Natasha could count the number of times she’d been to Brooklyn, but that wasn’t important right now. Instead, she focused on Steve as they squeezed onto a surprisingly crowded train and held onto a pole at the end of one of the rows of seats. Natasha kept her back to the doors on that side and swayed with the movements of the train, smiling indulgently as Steve moved a little closer, eventually tipping her head up to invite the kiss that followed just moments later.

For almost an hour, they toyed with the boundaries of propriety in sharing little touches and fleeting kisses that had no place on a train and without a doubt made at least a few people around them very uncomfortable. Natasha didn’t particularly care, although she did laugh and stop him when his hand drifted from her waist to just above the curve of her ass. Cheeky.

 

When they got off, they wandered upstairs to the street and made their way into a Chinese restaurant that Steve proclaimed was near his place. Once they’d placed their orders (sesame chicken and dumplings for Steve, General Tso’s for Natasha) they sat down at one of the shitty little tables and Natasha found herself thinking about what this might turn into.

What if it worked between them? The thought was nearly paralyzing, but then again the thought of being alone the rest of her life wasn’t entirely appealing either. Right now, all she could do was enjoy what couldn’t quite be labeled a one night stand and yet couldn’t be labeled anything else.

“So, Brooklyn,” she mused. “Not a Manhattan sort of guy?”

Steve gave her a look and shrugged. “Nah, not really. It’s always been Brooklyn for me; born and raised.”

“I should’ve known, with that accent. When you get all upset about something, you sound like something out of a movie.”

He looked practically offended for a moment. “’Scuze you, I don’t have an accent.”

“Um, yes you do,” she said easily. “And it’s okay that you don’t realize that you do, but you do.”

Steve pressed his lips together and huffed a little bit. “I can’t tell whether you’re insulting me or not. Is the accent a good thing?”

“That depends,” she mused. “Are you going to be calling me ‘baby girl’ in bed tonight, or…?”

Steve smirked a little and leaned forward, lowering his voice to a low rumble. “Do you _want_ me to call you ‘baby girl’ in bed?”

They stared at each other and again, burst out laughing maybe ten seconds later because the whole thing was ridiculous. Honestly. “You’re an ass,” she told him. “But at least you’re a nice ass.”

Their food was ready so soon that one might think the people in the back had been cooking as they ordered. Side by side, they walked two more blocks until Steve turned them onto a quiet, tree-lined street and up the steps to a neat little two family house. She honestly hadn’t expected a house; an apartment felt more appropriate, but she supposed there was no reason for that.

“Bucky?”

Natasha frowned. “What’s a Bucky?”

“My roommate,” Steve laughed. “I know I’ve mentioned him before…”

Shit, he had. He had mentioned a roommate. “What kind of a name is that?” She mumbled as they stepped inside and Steve closed the door behind them.

“It’s short for Buchanan.” The man who answered was entering the living room from the kitchen with a beer in his hand and long brown hair pulled back into a haphazard bun at the nape of his neck. “But you can call me James if you want.” He offered her a smooth grin and Natasha raised her eyebrows at him in return; based on the scruff and the fact that the shirt he was wearing looked like it had seen much better days, she presumed this ‘Bucky’ person spent a lot of time in the house. “You’ve got to be Natasha.”

Natasha turned her gaze to Steve and grinned wickedly. “You’ve told your roommate about me?” She teased. “You’re such a loser, Rogers. It’s sad.”

“Nah, he tells me everything,” Bucky added as Steve rubbed a hand over his face and slipped away to unpack their food in the kitchen. “Can't really blame him for telling me about the hot surgeon at his new job.”

“Is that how he described me? The hot surgeon?”

“Pretty much. I mean, he went on for ages about your legs--”

“I think that’s enough!” Steve swept into the room and knocked Bucky upside the head before quickly leading Natasha into the kitchen with a gentle grip on her shoulders from behind. “Sorry about all that. He’s nuts, he’s got no idea what he’s talking about. Compulsive liar, that one.”

“I can hear you, y’know,” Bucky called from the other room.

“Shut up, _James_.”

“Ooh, so dangerous. I’m shaking in here.”

Steve sighed as he sat down across the table from Natasha once he’d set down glasses of water for the both of them. He looked slightly embarrassed, but it wasn’t anything a little alone time couldn’t fix; it wasn’t as though he was going to bed alone that night.

“So, I’m guessing best friends since you were kids,” she mused as she plucked a piece of her chicken out of the container. “Practically brothers.”

“I’ll agree to that as long as you don’t think it’s weird that we’ve made out a few times,” he answered smoothly, peeking up at her like he was waiting for a reaction, like maybe he’d told someone that and they’d reacted badly in the past.

Natasha just smiled and shook her head. “I can’t blame either of you,” she quipped. “I wouldn’t kick either of you out of bed.”

“There’s still time to switch over to me,” Bucky called from the other room. “I’m a lot more lively than I look.”

Steve balled up a piece of paper nearby and chucked it into the other room to make Bucky shut up. It was sweet to see him like this, interacting with someone who was practically family and all. “Don’t worry, I think I’ll stick with you,” she told Steve between bites. “At least for now.”

It was her turn to wink at him, something he found incredibly amusing. Conversation over their meal consisted of a few complaints about work and a few funny stories here and there, but eventually Steve decided to get a little bold and-- “You know, you never told me about your family,” he said after a moment. “I know you weren’t born here…”

Natasha had gotten very used to avoiding that question over the years. Talking about her childhood wasn’t exactly the kind of thing she ever wanted to do, especially because people tended to look at her a little differently afterwards, like they pitied her and she didn’t want them to. She’d done wonderfully for herself, but it was always that they saw where she’d come from, not what she’d done to get out. It changed everything.

“You’re right, I was born in Russia,” she told him, setting her fork down and giving him a casual glance. “Did you want to show me your room?”

Steve raised his eyebrows in surprise, but he set his fork down as well and got up to escort her into the other room while Bucky watched from the couch. Once the door was closed, Natasha could have sworn that Steve was going to open his mouth again, so she acted prematurely and pressed him against the wall, leaning far up on her toes to seal their lips together again. She could tell there was some part of him that wanted to ask more questions or find out why she didn’t want to talk about her family, but as Natasha smoothed her hands down his chest and as Steve’s hands found their place on her ass, that desire was just about snuffed out completely.

It was good to have him like this. Natasha finally got his shirt off and tossed it aside in favor of exploring each little dip of glorious muscle on his chest. Steve had puffy pecs with pink nipples and the prettiest set of abs she’d ever had the pleasure of seeing. As she let her hands wander, she also discovered that the aforementioned nipples were rather sensitive and took great pleasure in brushing over them so she could swallow down a few of the little moans he let out.

While she deftly undid his belt buckle, Steve began unbuttoning the shirt she was wearing. He had big, clumsy fingers, but he managed to get it all undone and tug the bottom out of her skirt so he could get it off. In a heartbeat, Natasha had his face planted in her cleavage and she laughed out loud, tossing her head back as she raked her fingers through his hair. But her laughter soon turned to a small, content moan as he mouthed over the tops of her breasts, tugging at the straps of her bra before swiftly undoing the clip at the back. Apparently he was a little more graceful than she’d expected, as she was divested of her bra in about two seconds flat and hoisted onto the bed just a moment later.

As she hit the mattress with a soft ‘oof’, he crawled over her and took one nipple right between his lips like he was getting revenge. One look from him and she knew that was _exactly_ what he was doing. It only continued when he took her waist between his hands and searched for the zipper on her skirt, eventually tugging it down to reveal black panties to match her bra.

“No stockings today?” He asked as he tossed her rather expensive skirt over his shoulder.

Natasha smirked. “Disappointed?”

“A little,” he shrugged. “But there’s always next time.”

Before Natasha could tease him further and inwardly panic about the implications of doing this a second time, Steve was sliding his hands over her legs and spreading them so he could kiss the soft skin on her inner thighs. As he slid to his knees beside the bed and bodily tugged her to the edge, she realized that he was really interested in putting his head between her legs and she was _impressed_ , if a little thrown off, that he was so eager to go there when she’d had more long term lovers who’d completely avoided it. But she wasn’t going to complain; she’d be crazy to complain.

As it was, it felt like all their flirting, all their prolonged eye contact, all that unresolved sexual tension Sam had pointed out on more than one occasion by now had finally reached its climax, pardon the pun. Natasha couldn’t _wait_ to find out how good this would be.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait very long. Steve pulled her panties off before even bothering to see to his jeans first and Natasha huffed as he lifted her legs to rest over his shoulders, took hold of her hips on both sides, and buried his face between them. She moaned immediately and laid back, her brow furrowing a little bit as he got started. There was a brief moment when she wondered whether or not Bucky could hear her, but the way Steve pressed his tongue against her successfully eradicated that thought almost immediately.

Natasha’s lips parted in breathless moans as he worked her over, pressing his tongue deep inside her and curling up to tease a little more. He was just eager enough to warrant one hand in his hair to grip tightly and hold him in place while she tried to rock her hips against his mouth, her toes pointed hard in some effort to seek out her release as soon as possible.

“Yeah, just there. Right there, Steve, yes, _yes_ \--”

When Natasha came, it was with a few low moans and a wave of pleasure that washed over her and culminated in tightening her thighs around Steve’s head. He let out a muffled laugh once he’d pulled off her and coaxed her thighs apart a moment later, but left them hanging over his shoulders for the time being. Natasha pushed herself up on her elbows and looked down at him to find Steve smiling up at her with her juices still clinging to his lips and chin, but it was the smile that got her. God, he looked so fucking proud of himself.

“You’re still an ass,” she told him.

Steve laughed again, this time reaching up to wipe his mouth and give her a knowing grin. “I might be an ass, but I’m pretty sure I just got you off in a big way.”

“You’re pretty sure?” She countered even though she knew he was being sarcastic. “Not completely sure?”

“Shut up, you know what I mean.”

Natasha spread her legs to release him and gave him a look. “Come up here and say that to my face,” she challenged, arching one eyebrow as Steve chuckled and crawled up onto the bed as she moved back. He still had his jeans on and as soon as he settled beside her, she let her hand wander down from his chest to his belt and smoothly pulled it free so she could toss it aside at last.

“Shut up?” He tried, giving her a wide smile.

Rolling her eyes, Natasha pushed him back and easily leaned over him to plant another kiss on his lips. “Bad,” she told him. “Very bad.” But she didn’t stop there. After all, Natasha had this beautiful man all to herself and despite any implications that she was desperately trying to force into the back of her mind, she was going to have her fun here.

She kissed down over his chest, but she also went about finding the little things that made him get really worked up. She already knew he liked the lingerie she wore sometimes and her legs, but what else. It wasn’t until she raked her nails over his sides and his hips jerked right up that Natasha realized Steve might like things a little rough. Ah, so Prince Charming did have a flaw.

Or did he.

Perfectly manicured, Natasha’s nails were more than enough to scrape over his skin here and there. She loved that his hands had curled into the sheets and once she tugged his jeans off, it was all too easy to see that he was already hard and even leaking inside his boxers. Poor thing; she wasn’t going to make this a one, two, three kind of thing for them. The night was still relatively young and as this might never happen again no matter what he said, they needed to make the most of it. They weren’t _dating_ , she reminded herself. This was a one time deal.

“Prince Charming is kind of a perv,” Natasha teased as she straddled his thighs and dragged her nails down the length of his torso, leaving long, red lines in her wake. “I’m not sure whether I should be impressed or a little pissed I’m not getting the fairytale experience.”

Steve picked his head up. “Did you actually _want_ the fairytale experience?”

Natasha tweaked both nipples and watched in satisfaction as Steve groaned and tried to rock his hips up to get a little friction. “That’s not the point, Steve,” she tutted. “Not the point at all.”

She teased him for a few more moments, but eventually the time came that Natasha slowly peeled down the band of his boxers and left them sitting there around his thighs. She’d been right; if she did tell Pepper about this, then she’d absolutely reiterate that she was right about his size. All things considered, the sight below her right now was kind of perfect; Steve had the muscles of a Greek god and the dick to go with them. The fact that he was sweet and caring and intelligent and genuinely enjoyed taking care of babies was just a bonus and since Natasha had no interest in attempting to date him, she didn’t care about all that. Or so she told herself over and over and over again.

Apparently she’d been looking too long because Steve huffed a little and shifted beneath her. “Disappointed?” He asked, mocking her earlier question.

Natasha glanced up at him. “Not even a little bit.” She nearly took a picture, it was so pretty.

That seemed to placate Steve, who tucked his hands behind his head like he was laying back and getting ready to enjoy. Natasha gave him a look as she scraped her nails over his hipbones and delighted in how he reacted to that, but it was nothing compared to the way he bit his lip when she took hold of his cock. She wanted to see that again and she would get her wish because it looked like Steve was trying to hold back his moaning even when she began stroking him; her movements were smooth and he was really good at resisting, but when she cupped her hand over the head and twisted lightly, he let out a strangled groan and basically came apart beneath her. It was a beautiful sight.

“Condoms?”

“Top drawer.” Pause. “Hurry.”

Natasha tipped her head at him. “In a rush, Steve?”

“You got no idea.”

She laughed lightly and got up to pull a condom out of his drawer. “You know, I think there’s a layer of dust on this,” she teased as she tore it open. “Has it been that long?”

Steve laughed and rubbed a hand over his face. “You’re a fuckin’ liar, there’s no dust on there.”

“Ah, there’s the accent,” she mused as she crawled over him and nimbly rolled the condom on. “I knew it would come out eventually. Keep it coming, детка.”

There was a comeback on Steve’s lips when Natasha moved up and gracefully slid down onto his cock with ease; she didn’t even give herself much time to adjust because she wanted to feel it then _and_ the next morning, hopefully. It would be a lasting reminder of all of this and that couldn’t be anything but a good thing. Planting her hands on his chest, Natasha began to move her hips in slow, smooth rolls, biting her lip and letting her head fall forward.

Steve’s hands found her hips and his fingers dug into her flesh with just the right amount of force to pull a moan from Natasha’s lips as she continued to move. Soon enough, he was pressing his hips up against her and she was bouncing on his lap, completely heedless of how wanton she looked as she threw her head back and moved in earnest. It was good. No, it was better than good; the way Steve moved was entirely complementary to the way Natasha moved. It was like they could read each other’s thoughts or something and had Natasha not been in the throes of passion right now, she might have freaked out a little bit.

She was _just_ distracted enough for Steve to take the upper hand and flip them over, putting Natasha on her back so he could take over setting the rhythm. All Natasha had to do was hold on, her fingers digging into Steve’s scalp and her legs tightening around his waist as they moved together towards a singular goal. When that goal was finally reached, Natasha was happy to find that Steve’s face when he came was a thing of beauty; his lips parted and his brow furrowed and his eyelashes brushed the tops of his cheeks. The fact that he found the energy to grind his hips down into hers until she came a second time just cemented the cold, hard facts:

Steve was _good_ at this. And together, they were _great_.

So when Steve rolled off her and pulled the condom off to toss it into the trash, Natasha reached over and patted his chest. “Well done, nurse,” she praised, still slightly out of breath. “Bravo.”

Steve let out a short laugh and turned to look at her. “Do I get a round of applause?”

Natasha rolled her eyes and turned over to lay half on top of him. “No, but I’ll give you a kiss for your trouble.” She leaned up to press their lips together for a brief moment. “Poor Bucky. We’re probably keeping him up.”

“Nah, he doesn’t sleep much,” Steve sighed. “But he’s going to tear us apart at breakfast.”

He shifted to get comfortable and Natasha allowed him to pull her closer for the time being. If this was the kind of night he preferred, then she was okay with that… but the mention of breakfast weighed on her mind as Steve fell asleep and his breathing evened out beneath her. Breakfast. He wanted her to stay for breakfast? Was she supposed to wear his shirt and watch him flip pancakes or something? Just the idea of it sounded so domestic…

When was the last time she’d spent the night at anyone’s place?

All of a sudden, the prospect of what Steve might expect from this turned from something she could handle to this looming dread hanging over her. Deep down, Natasha knew that he would try to push this further; he would try to form a real relationship because he liked her. She wasn’t stupid and she wasn’t so humble that she couldn’t see it, especially because Steve really did wear his heart on his sleeve. And what then? What was the point?

Even if they did date for a while, eventually Steve would get tired of dealing with her and leave. Eventually, he would realize that she never talked about her past, that she had secrets she didn’t want _anyone_ to know no matter how close they were. Eventually, he would understand that ‘commitment issues’ didn’t even begin to describe the issues she dealt with. She’d been with guys who said they didn’t mind taking things slow and they’d always turned out to want more and more and more… Someone always wound up getting hurt and as those other men had pointed out, it always seemed that they were hurt more than she was. Natasha wasn’t sure they were right, but it was always the other person who cried or yelled or pleaded for another chance. Natasha just wasn’t that person; if it didn’t feel right, she let them go. And it had never really felt like the right thing, even in the most serious relationship she’d been in.

All in all, as amazing as this had been, it was probably a huge mistake.

Natasha didn’t bother trying to sleep. She waited nearly an hour to make sure Steve was completely passed out and carefully slid away from him so she could get out of there. She dressed in the dark, pulling her skirt and blouse back on and grabbing her heels so she could sneak out of there with her panties in her purse and without making a sound. Bucky was still in the living room, to her utter disappointment, and he looked up as she crept out of the hallway.

But he didn’t say anything. Natasha thought about apologizing or something, but she ultimately just met his gaze for a moment before walking as quietly as she could towards the front door.

“He likes you.”

She stopped halfway there and turned back. “What?”

Bucky had his gaze on the television again; he was watching some late night shitshow turned down to a dull murmur, but she could tell that he wished he was sleeping instead. The bags under his eyes were impressive, if not a little worrying.

“He likes you,” he repeated. “Just remember that.”

Natasha sighed. “I know he likes me.”

Bucky looked up at her again. “Then why are you leaving?”

“It’s better this way,” she reasoned. “I shouldn’t have come in the first place.”

“But you did.” Bucky shrugged a little bit. “Twice, if I heard right.”

Natasha pressed her lips together. “I don’t think it’s any of your business what I do,” she reasoned as she pulled out her phone and arranged for a car to pick her up; there was no way she was negotiating the train all the way back into the city at this hour.

Bucky nodded slowly and turned his eyes back to the television. “Nice to meet you, Natasha.”

She returned the sentiment, but ultimately rushed out to head downstairs and meet her car. The ride back into the city was silent and Natasha spent most of it staring out of the window as she considered whether or not she’d made a mistake. What if this was the time it worked? What was _wrong_ with her, that she couldn’t see something good and just go with it? What was she so afraid of? These questions and more weighed heavily on her mind all the way back to her place and even as she slid into her own bed.

There was a chance that maybe she just wasn’t meant to be in a long term relationship. Steve’s response to all of this would tell her whether or not she’d made the right decision, but there was a big chance that she’d managed to mess up one of the few friendships she had all in the space of a few hours. All of a sudden, the weekend couldn’t possibly last long enough.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you for all the comments and support! <33

Monday morning came in the blink of an eye. Natasha was scheduled for two surgeries that day and it was imperative that she avoided Steve at all costs. It wouldn’t be difficult; considering what she had planned, she’d likely barely have time for lunch at all, let alone a sit down with someone she’d run out on just a few nights ago. She’d also neglected to tell Pepper what had happened because one, she didn’t want to admit to it and two, it hadn’t happened on hospital grounds so she was in the clear, professionally. But Bucky’s words still bothered her, for some reason.

‘He likes you.’ What the hell was that about? Obviously he liked her if he was willing to bring her back to his place and sleep with her, right? Natasha was even willing to say that she liked him too! She just didn’t want to date him.

Steve wasn’t in the elevator that morning, thankfully. Natasha went about her business like it was any other day; she reviewed her notes and plans for the surgery, scrubbed up, and got to it like she always did. Everything went well and the patient was taken to recovery while Natasha intended to head back to her office and rest for a short while. Unfortunately for her, the next surgery was pushed up as a matter of urgency and she was back in the OR in under an hour. This time, the patient crashed halfway through and they had to bring her back before proceeding, but she ultimately pulled through and Natasha closed her up knowing she would likely make a full recovery. It was a successful day all around, but Natasha was really looking forward to just collapsing in her office for a while. All the classical music in the world couldn’t ease the ache in her lower back right now.

Barefoot and exhausted, she landed on the small couch in her office in the hopes that she might be able to rest for a few moments; it wasn’t entirely uncommon for people who worked in the hospital to take impromptu naps in the lounge or in their office and Natasha was no different in that respect. Curling up there, she closed her eyes just to get maybe twenty minutes of peace before she had to get up and review the scheduled surgeries for the next day. When she woke up almost an hour later, she sat up and rubbed at her eyes in an effort to get herself together. It was already almost five, she hadn’t eaten, and she still had work to do; for the first time in a long time, Natasha wanted very badly to just go home, but she knew she had to finish here first.

Dragging herself back to her desk, she noticed something… strange; sitting there in the middle of the desk was a large, pink note that said to check the fridge. Natasha raised her eyebrows and made her way over to the mini-fridge she’d tucked into a corner and hardly ever used, and found a container of sushi right there on the top shelf along with another note attached to the top. She frowned as she carried it back to her desk and sat down to open the folded piece of paper.

 

_ Natasha, _

_ Thought you might be hungry. Heard you were amazing in surgery today. _

_ Enjoy, even if no reasonable person should enjoy eating raw fish. _

_ Steve _

 

Natasha stared at the note for a long time. She knew he did it out of kindness, but it made her feel even more like shit and she had to force herself to set it aside until later. Right now, she needed to eat and review the plan for tomorrow, which was exactly what she did. Steve had managed to remember the sushi she’d ordered last time down to the last detail and she would have praised him for it-- if she had his number, if she wasn’t completely embarrassed by the implications of what they’d done together and what she’d done on her own, if she wasn’t so tired. All the same, she appreciated this and would have to think about it further when she wasn’t so busy.

That night, she got home without seeing Steve at all and she wasn’t sure if she ought to feel proud and successful or ashamed of herself for being relieved.

Tuesday brought a whole new world of challenges, but it also brought their inevitable reunion in the elevator. It was too early for apologies and explanations, and Natasha’s medium coffee wasn’t even close to enough for her to deal with all of this right now. And yet. Steve was there, jogging into the elevator at the last minute and looking impossibly, unbelievably handsome considering the early hour. Then again, why would she ever have expected anything else?

“Morning,” he greeted as he leaned against the back wall beside her.

Natasha took a sip of her coffee and licked her lips. “Good morning,” she answered.

Silence.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “For the sushi yesterday. It was delicious.”

She could see him smile in her peripheral vision, but neither turned to look at one another. “You’re welcome,” he answered. “Glad I remembered the right ones.”

So, this was awkward and horrible. Natasha supposed that she didn’t deserve much more than this considering she’d left in the middle of the night like she was ashamed of what they’d done. She wondered if Bucky had said anything about seeing her go or if they were the type of friends who just didn’t talk about things like this at all.

“Steve--”

The elevator doors opened onto the maternity floor and Steve finally turned to look at her, meeting Natasha’s eyes with a small, understanding smile. “I’ll see you later, Nat,” he said.

And he was gone.

Shit.

 

Three days later and three whole days without a word from Steve other than a polite greeting in the morning or an inclination of his head during the day, Natasha decided that she had to extend an olive branch. They might not have known each other for very long, but she missed him. She missed having lunch with him and finding little notes on her desk that  _ didn’t _ make her feel like shit. She missed flirting with him in the elevator. Sex aside, she missed having him around.

And so, when lunchtime came around she ordered two cheeseburgers from the nearby diner along with two orders of fries and two milkshakes. It was a little decadent for lunch when she had yet another surgery that afternoon, but Steve would have brought her sushi… so she would bring him something  _ he _ liked: meat.

With two bags in hand, she made her way out of her office and towards the elevator just in time to hear the nurses talking about her. It kind of sounded like they’d noticed that Steve hadn’t been coming up and so, the assumption was that Natasha had disposed of him. They seemed to be split between those who thought Natasha broke Steve’s heart and sent him packing and those who believed Steve had cut her loose because she was fundamentally evil. Natasha made sure to look over at them while she passed by, but she kept her head high and her back straight the whole way past them.

When she arrived in the maternity ward, she asked one of the people there to direct her to Steve and followed directions until she found the locker room where everyone kept their things during their shifts. She knocked twice, but ultimately just went in and found him digging through his locker. He looked good today; he was wearing white scrubs and she briefly thought about just how much like a white knight he was, rescuing poor single mothers and whatnot.

“Steve?”

He looked up in surprise and Natasha offered him a wide smile. “I thought we could have lunch,” she said, holding up one of the bags. “I got you a milkshake and a cheeseburger.”

Stepping closer, her gaze was diverted to the open locker door and she stopped for a moment to just stare. Decorating the entire inside of the door were at least a hundred pictures of babies; newborn babies, toddlers, babies and their mothers and fathers… “You keep their pictures?”

“Yeah,” he answered, finally locating the book he’d been looking for and shutting the locker like he wasn’t really looking to explain further. “Can’t blame me, right? They’re all cute.”

Natasha smiled and tipped her head to the side. “I mean, I’ve seen some pretty ugly babies.”

Steve gave her a tight lipped smile and it felt like he was just humoring her. All of a sudden, Natasha realized that maybe she’d made a bigger mistake than she thought. Maybe Steve didn’t want to give her a second chance at friendship considering she’d just bailed on him like a cheap one night stand.

“So,” she added a little too brightly. “How about that cheeseburger?”

There were a tense few moments wherein Steve watched her and seemed to consider whether or not this was a good idea. Eventually, though, he nodded and gave her a smile. “Sure,” he agreed. “Thanks for not getting sushi again.”

They decided to eat in the lounge on that floor and sat down at one of the tables across from one another as Natasha unpacked their food. Now, usually they had pizza or Chinese or sushi, so when she took the first huge bite of her burger and sat back to chew, she also found Steve staring at her with this crooked little smile on his face.

“Can I help you?” She quipped.

“Me? Nah, I was just--” He shrugged a little and picked up his own burger as he prepared to take a bite. “Nothing. You’re cute when you really dig into something.”

Natasha stopped dead and stared at him as he bit into his burger. She was  _ cute _ eating a cheeseburger? Who said stuff like that? This guy was just… He was too good to be true and it made her nervous because no one could possibly be as perfect as he seemed to be. It had to be some kind of facade. And yet. And fucking  _ yet _ .

“I’m not cute,” she mumbled as she grabbed a few fries and ate them in the most unladylike way possible. “Find a better word.”

Steve smirked. “You’re  _ cute _ ,” he told her again, his mouth half full. “Practically adorable.”

Natasha glared at him across the table and pointed at him with a single fry. “I am not.”

“If you say so,” he laughed. “But I’m still thinking it.”

 

After that, things kind of settled back into the old rhythm. Steve would bring Natasha lunch on an increasingly frequent basis and Natasha would sometimes surprise Steve before he got around to it with a meal of her own choosing. They ate in her office most of the time, but sometimes they ventured down to the cafeteria together, and when it got a little nicer they actually tried to leave the hospital again and ate from a food truck parked nearby. Much to Steve’s amusement, Natasha managed to scarf down two hot dogs with sauerkraut and mustard, and he called her adorable again. Natasha would take the fact that she’d blushed to her  _ grave _ .

“Why are you even trying to deny it?” 

Natasha sighed as she downed another shot and turned to give Pepper yet another glare. “I’m denying it because it’s not true,” she reasoned. “I’m not dating him.”

“Nat, you’ve had lunch with him like twelve times in the past three weeks.” Pepper wasn’t impressed by Natasha’s assurances, clearly, but she had always been hopeful when it came to her friend’s love life. “If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is.”

“How many times have you spoken to Stark this week alone? I want to count the texts. C’mon, hand me your phone.” She held her hand out and arched an eyebrow as Pepper tucked her phone a little closer to her.

“That’s neither here nor there,” she answered. “Tony’s just… making sure his money is being used appropriately, that’s all.”

Natasha gave her a knowing look. “Mmhm. He’s definitely not flirting with you and asking you to dinner every chance he gets.”

“But I’m not  _ going _ , so it doesn’t count.” She shrugged and finished her drink only to ask for another. “My question… is why is Steve not asking you to dinner all the time? Did he give up? Or do you already have an understanding? Did you ruin Prince Charming?”

“Hey,” she mumbled. “I didn’t  _ ruin _ him. He’s not asking me out because we’re just  _ friends _ .”

Pepper rolled her eyes. “I know you better than this, Nat. You’re hiding something.”

“Okay… so we might have fooled around. Once.”

Pepper actually hit her arm and Natasha frowned at her. “And you didn’t tell me?! When was this? How was it? How was  _ he _ ?”

“He was fine,” Natasha laughed. “Absolutely fine.”

“Better than fine, or you’d be talking more.”

“Alright, look. If I give you one really juicy detail, will you let it go?”

“I’m not promising anything, but give it a shot.”

Natasha leaned a little closer. “He’s got the most perfect dick I’ve ever seen.” She gestured with her hand to demonstrate the size and thickness. “Long, pink, amazing.”

Pepper laughed a little and shook her head. “I knew it,” she said in awe. “I knew it.”

 

Now, Natasha couldn’t lie to herself all the time. She knew that while they were friends, they flirted to the point where it was very nearly  _ sad _ that they hadn’t wound up in bed together again. It was strange for her, because it felt like she worked with him in a way that she just didn’t work with other people. He didn’t push her, he didn’t expect anything from her beyond what she was already giving him, and he was so genuine and sweet that he continued to amaze her on a daily basis. She actively observed him ushering more than one mother out the front doors of the hospital even though his role ended in the maternity ward, and she could have sworn she heard him singing another rock ballad to an infant one night when she’d gone to meet him so they could head out together.

Still, she kept her distance. Steve was too good to be true. He was too  _ good _ and she didn’t trust it because things this good never happened to her. It would be like Prince Charming falling in love with… well, maybe not the evil queen, but a background character? The village witch or something. Natasha had also told herself to stop comparing him to a Disney prince because it was only going to do her harm in the end. She wasn’t in love with him; there was no reason to put him up on a pedestal like that.

She even managed to learn some things about him. Steve was born on the fourth of July to a single mother who worked her ass off taking care of him because he’d been sick and weak for most of his life. It wasn’t until he hit an epic growth spurt in high school that he reached his current size and was able to maintain it with various sports and other activities. His favorite color was blue. He loved rock music, but he couldn’t exactly understand the appeal of classical music. He’d never been to the ballet or the opera. He’d joined the army right out of high school on Bucky’s heels and only one of them had come home with all their limbs, but they both suffered in their own ways. He hadn’t wanted to talk about that; Natasha remembered quickly changing the subject and making a bad joke to lighten the mood.

And yet, it was still something of a surprise when Sam wandered into her office one afternoon and planted himself down in the chair in front of her desk. Natasha looked up from her computer and blinked. “Can I help you?”

“I think you can, actually,” Sam answered. “Look, you and me have to talk about Steve. The guy’s gonna get himself in trouble if one of us doesn’t do something and I think you’re the best one to get in there.”

Natasha frowned. “What’s he doing that’s going to get him in trouble? He hasn’t said anything.”

Sam sighed heavily and rubbed his hands over his thighs. “He had a disagreement with one of the new mothers,” he blurted out. “They’re still running tests, but the prognosis is that the kid might have Downs. And apparently the father didn’t have a very good reaction to the news.”

“But what’s wrong with having a bad reaction? It’s not the best news in the world…”

“No one’s disagreeing with you,” he said quickly. “But there are things you just don’t say.”

Natasha began to understand what was happening and nodded along. “Maybe they need to hear what it is they’re doing wrong,” she reasoned. “What’s wrong with him telling them that?”

“Sometimes  _ tact _ goes a long way.” Sam shook his head a little bit. “And Steve has zero tact. I’m pretty sure he’s one rant away from another formal complaint and he hasn’t even been here six months.”

Which would mean that it would be a more serious situation and Pepper would have to be involved whether she wanted to be or not. “I see your point, but I’m not sure what you want me to do about it. What makes you think he’s going to listen to me?”

Sam’s brow furrowed and he gave her a sort of half smile- until her questioning look didn’t let up and he frowned. “Are you kidding me?”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Alright, before you start--”

“What makes me think he’ll listen to you? How about the fact that he never shuts up about you? Huh? Or what about the fact that he’s always blowing me off to have lunch with you? Or what about the fact that he smiles like some kind of schoolgirl with a crush every time you’re mentioned?”

Sensing that this could go on for a while, Natasha held up her hand to stop him. “I’ll talk to him,” she said. “Okay? I’ll talk to him, but I’m not making any promises.”

“That’s great. Great.” Sam stood up and gestured towards the door. “Could you do it now?”

Natasha rolled her eyes, but two seconds later she was following Sam down the hall, into the elevator, and right back out again on the maternity floor. She figured she could just pull Steve aside and talk to him, but she’d clearly underestimated his level of passion in the matter.

“How can you  _ say _ that? Do you have any idea how important it is that you make peace with this right now? She’s still your baby,  _ your _ baby, no matter what she might have--”

“Don’t you fucking tell me how to talk about my kid, you understand me? You’re just a fucking nurse. Probably a fag too. What kind of man wants to be a fucking nurse?”

“No, I don’t understand you. You can’t just go around using words like that. Who the hell do you think you are? It’s not  _ right _ .” 

“Oh, it’s not right. I’ve had it with you left wing, liberal, politically correct assholes. She’s a  _ retard _ , and that’s what I’m gonna call her!” 

“Buddy, you keep using that word and I’m gonna have to do something about it.” 

Sam rushed in ahead of her and quickly got between the two men, holding one arm out in front of Steve like that would stop him if he really wanted to charge ahead. “Enough,” he said firmly. “Steve, go get some air. Now.” 

Steve turned and stormed out of the room, rushing right past Natasha and down the hall towards the stairs. Natasha followed as quickly as she could, trotting up the stairs behind him and eventually stepping out onto the roof just seconds after him. 

“Steve, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” Steve was pacing already, marching back and forth while he gestured with both hands because hey, why not? Apparently he got better answers that way.

“You can’t just go around yelling at the patients and their families,” she reasoned as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Another complaint and you’ll get written up. It’ll go in your file.” 

Steve scoffed. “I don’t give a shit. That guy doesn’t deserve to take that kid home with him.” He turned to look at her. “And you know it!”

“That may be, but you can leave that to Sam to take care of. Yelling at him isn’t going to change anything.” Steve was probably right, that guy was obviously an asshole if he was using words like ‘fag’ and ‘retard’, but a physical altercation would only turn him into the victim.

Steve grunted and continued to pace up and down, back and forth, just trying to calm himself. “And the mother just sits there, not saying a fucking word. Can you imagine? Just listening to her husband go off about their daughter like she’s just worthless.”

Something about all this made Natasha wonder if there was a backstory of some kind. Maybe Steve had been in a situation like this before? Maybe he’d seen one too many parents react badly to the news that their child was disabled or otherwise abnormal; Natasha didn’t understand why anyone would react that badly, but she wasn’t a parent. She supposed it had something to do with hanging all your hopes and dreams on the prospect of giving birth to a perfect child. And it wasn’t excusable.

“If you’re gonna have a baby, you’ve gotta know that anything could happen,” he ranted angrily. “The kid could be disabled, sick, delayed… They could be dealing with heart problems, breathing problems, neurological issues, cleft palate—The kid could be blind or deaf or mute or they could be fucking missing  _ limbs _ and guess what? Still your kid. Still worthy of your love. Still a fucking human being!”

Well, he wasn’t wrong. Natasha stepped forward and got right in Steve’s way even though he looked like he might just plow through something that stood in his path. “You’re right,” she told him, calm as ever. “You’re one hundred percent right. You don’t get to plan the kind of kid you have and that man down there is a disgusting human being for saying the things he said.”

Steve huffed and nodded as he listened to her.

“But you can’t just beat the ignorance out of him,” she continued. “Sam’s going to work on it and maybe you can get that woman, who’s probably been listening to his berating directed at her for however long they’ve been together, to leave him.” Natasha reached out to pat his chest and gave him a look. “She could be a victim too,” she reminded him. “Cruelty like that doesn’t just blossom overnight.”

Sighing heavily, Steve pushed a hand through his hair. “You’re right,” he mumbled. “I know you’re right, I just got so pissed off…”

“Rightfully so,” she mused. “He’s an asshole. And I’d love to see you punch him, but we can’t just go around beating other people no matter how much they deserve it.”

Now that Steve had settled down a little bit, he managed to put a hand on her arm and offer a small smile. “Thanks for talking me down,” he said. “Even if I’m a little disappointed I didn’t get to punch him.”

Loser. Natasha just shook her head and shrugged. “Don’t mention it. The last thing I want to do is listen to Pepper tell me that she has no choice but to write up everyone’s favorite nurse.”

They walked back in together and headed back to the nursery to find out what was going on. The father was in the waiting room and Natasha gave him a look that had him shrinking back into his seat as they passed by, only to find Sam consoling the new mother.  Steve immediately stepped into the room and took a deep breath.

“Ma’am, I wanted to apologize for my behavior,” he said. “I was way out of line, I just—wanted to help.”

The woman, who looked to be more weary than angry, reached out to touch Sam’s arm. “I want to speak to him alone,” she said. “Just for a minute.”

Sam nodded along. “Of course. I’m going to speak to your husband about those classes we talked about, alright? I’ll be right back.”

With that, he led the way out of the room and Natasha followed without hesitation, leaving Steve to speak to the mother on his own. As she stood near the window and watched Steve sit down on the edge of the mother’s bed, Sam came up to stand beside her.

“She said she’ll leave him,” he told her. “Said that if he couldn’t treat their daughter right, she didn’t want him around.”

Natasha turned to look at him and nodded once. “That’s a good thing, right?”

“It’s disappointing that she’ll have to do this alone if he doesn’t fall in line. I offered to explain the situation to him, and offer him classes given to parents who are trying to cope with the challenges that come with raising a child with Downs, just so he’ll feel more prepared. If he’s interested and genuine about it, she’ll give him another chance.”

Nodding along, Natasha turned her gaze back just in time to see the mother laying her hand over Steve’s as they talked. “She sounds like a strong woman,” she said easily.

“She does,” he agreed. “In the meantime, I’ve given her my direct line and everything, just in case she needs help. And now? I’ve got an asshole to educate. ‘Scuze me.”

Natasha watched up until Steve leaned forward to accept a hug from the mother he’d been speaking to, at which point she looked away and moved from the window to sit on a bench nearby. Soon enough, he joined her and let out a long breath as he leaned his head back.

“Maybe it’s just me, but it feels like today has just gone on forever,” he sighed. “I need a drink.”

“Wow, you must have had a bad day.” Natasha nudged his arm as she leaned back beside him. “We could go get one after work. There’s a bar around the corner that makes a great martini.”

Steve looked surprised and Natasha knew she had no right to be mad at him for it. “Sounds good to me,” he answered. There was a pause and then-- “Wait, you’re a martini girl?”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Is there a problem with that?”

“No, no, I just figured… wine.”

“Why?”

Steve shrugged a little. “I guess… I don’t know. It seems real classy, or something.”

“You mean, it seems classy and sophisticated like me?” She smirked and nudged his arm again. “You’re a dork, you know that? It’s just a drink.”

“I know, but I bet you can guess my drink just based on what you know about me.” He turned fully to face her and gestured with one hand. “Go on, guess. I know you’ve got it.”

Natasha turned to face him and considered him for a long moment. The first drink that came to mind was beer, but he was more complicated than that. Maybe beer was his go to at home, the thing he could most likely afford in bulk, but it wasn’t what he ordered at a bar. But he definitely wasn’t a wine sort of guy, and she didn’t think he’d be the type to order a cocktail either. She watched as he gave her some kind of lopsided smile and she just knew.

“Whiskey,” she decided. “Straight.”

Steve laughed and nodded. “See? Got it. Am I just that easy to understand?”

She shrugged. “Maybe,” she answered. “Or maybe I’m just really good at reading people.”

“I guess we’ll never really know,” he teased. “Listen, I wanted to thank you again--”

Natasha held up a hand. “Don’t. It’s really Sam you should thank. He’s the one who came and got me.” And managed to prove himself right because Steve  _ had _ listened to her. It was getting out of hand, wasn’t it? Because Steve seemed to really like her and Natasha just felt like she was going to let him down one way or another. What did one even do in the long term? Were people really capable of just being satisfied with waking up to the same person for ten, twenty, thirty years at a time?

Steve narrowed his eyes a little. “He did, huh?” Shaking his head a little, he stood up and Natasha followed suit. “I’m sorry he had to bother you. Sometimes I’m just a little hot headed. I’ve always had a temper.” 

“Even when you were a shrimp?”  

“I was not a  _ shrimp _ \-- Okay, yes, even when I was a shrimp.”

Natasha smirked and tried to imagine a tiny version of Steve facing off against someone twice his size. Somehow, she found that it wasn’t hard to imagine at all. “I’ll see you later,” she told him. “I’m thinking around six?”

“Sounds perfect,” he answered. “See you then.”

 

At six on the dot, Steve came waltzing into Natasha’s office without knocking and landed in his usual spot. “I can’t tell you how I’m looking forward to that drink,” he said. “What a day.”

Natasha glanced up from her computer and gave him a look. “No, it’s alright, come in,” she muttered sarcastically. “I’m almost done, just one second, one more note.”

True to her word, they were up and heading out just a couple of minutes later. And as promised, the bar around the corner had two stools to accommodate them as well as a perfect martini placed down in front of Natasha within no time at all.

“You must have no trouble getting the bartender’s attention,” Steve teased over the rim of his whiskey. “Ever.”

“Oh, come on. I have to wait a whole three minutes sometimes. Maybe even  _ five _ minutes.”

Steve chuckled as he took another sip of his drink. “Whoever’s making you wait that long is pretty stupid, in my opinion.”

It was the most indirect compliment Natasha could think of, but the sentiment was still there. Steve obviously thought she deserved immediate service, at the very least, but it felt like he also couldn’t understand why anyone would voluntarily wait to talk to her instead of going right over and making the most of such an opportunity. It made Natasha feel… valued, or something.

She downed the rest of her martini and asked for another before her thoughts could get the best of her. “So, Bucky,” she mused. “That’s the guy we said  _ might _ be good with kids?”

Steve frowned for a second and thought back. “Yeah! Yeah, I mean, he’s got siblings. He used to be pretty good with them, so I figured maybe he’d be good with them now too?”

Natasha nodded slowly. “He seems nice.” And like a pain in the ass, but that was neither here nor there. “He’s handsome too. I mean, put the two of you next to each other and it practically defies logic that you’re occupying the same space.”

“I’m not sure if you want me to set you up with Bucky or arrange a threesome,” he deadpanned. “Nah, I’m kidding.” He paused. “I hope I’m kidding. Bucky hasn’t been real interested in romance or anything since he got back… Kind of hoping that changes, to be honest. He was always a real hit with women.”

“Not you?”

“Uh, no. I mean…” Steve sighed a little. “I was never popular with anyone, really,” he laughed. “But nah, I never knew how to talk to women. I feel like that’s why I get along with you so much, because you’re not…”

Natasha raised her eyebrows and tried to follow his reasoning. “A woman?”

“What? No, of course you’re a woman, I just…” He sighed and shook his head like he was digging himself into a very deep hole. “I just mean that it feels real comfortable with you. Like we’re just hanging out. There’s no pressure.”

Natasha wondered if that was because he knew that she didn’t want him to be romantic with her. Maybe she wasn’t the only perceptive person around. “Nice save,” she said. “I think I can live with that; I do like hanging out with you.”

Steve seemed pleased and ordered himself a second drink. As they made their way through that one and a third each, Natasha began to wonder if she was going home with him again. She wanted to; the sex had been fantastic and there was still so much they hadn’t done, not to mention the fact that her ‘dating’ life was bone dry at the moment, so having someone to kiss and touch was a positive she couldn’t deny. But there was still that pesky little issue of staying the night versus leaving while he was sleeping again and risking Bucky’s judgement.

Natasha’s (slightly tipsy) solution to that felt like the obvious choice: she would bring Steve to her place instead. Then she wouldn’t have to sneak out in the middle of the night because she would already be home. Perfect.

They shared a cab to get there as Natasha decided she didn’t want to get on a train. In the backseat, she let her hand rest on his thigh and traced up the seam of his pants until she was nearing inappropriate territory considering they were still in public. Steve chuckled and took her hand in his instead, but he also didn’t stop her when she leaned in to kiss him. They gave the driver quite the steamy makeout show on the way, but Natasha eventually pressed money into his hand and ushered Steve out of the cab and into her building. The lobby was quiet as usual and since they were the only two people getting onto the elevator, she took advantage of it and pressed Steve up against the wall as he had done to her before.

Cameras or not, Natasha slid her hands under his tshirt almost immediately and groaned into his mouth because she really did want him. It was a fact she was always conscious of, but with her inhibitions lowered as much as they were, it was much, much easier to stomach. As they stumbled into her apartment and kicked their shoes off, Natasha let the one question she’d been avoiding enter her mind: Would he stay? It would be awfully hypocritical of her to expect him to, but that didn’t change the fact that right now…. Right now, there was at least one positive she could think of and whether he did or not, she told herself she wouldn’t be disappointed.

Steve’s bag fell to the ground and Natasha quickly pushed off his jacket so she could tug his shirt off as well. She was already unbuckling his belt when he unzipped the back of her dress and helped her get it off. Her back hit a wall and they nearly knocked over a lamp as she finally managed to shove his jeans down and accept a heated kiss all at the same time. Now that she had her hands on him again, Natasha sank right back into the realization that the man might just be perfect. She lightly scraped her hands over his sides as he kicked his jeans away and gasped-- that’s right,  _ gasped _ \--as he lifted her right up and wrapped her legs around his waist.

Ignoring the beautiful view from her floor to ceiling windows, Steve kissed her like there was no tomorrow. He  _ always _ kissed her like there was no tomorrow, like he might not ever get the chance again. Natasha admired him for it, and God knows she appreciated the passion coming her way. As he rolled his hips against her, Natasha’s head plunked back against the wall and he dipped down to kiss over the tops of her breasts, even going so far as to nip lightly before dragging his lips up to the hollow of her throat. His nose brushed along her throat next and before she knew it, Steve was kissing her again.

With the lights off, she could just barely see the way he was looking at her when he pulled back and considering the fog in her head and her level of arousal, she just  _ barely _ heard him ask where the bedroom was. She pointed him in the right direction and Steve just pulled her off the wall like she weighed nothing at all, like he barely had to think about supporting her.

They hit her bed in no time and Natasha bent her legs up to tuck her big toes into the band of his boxers and shove them down; apparently Steve found that funny and huffed out a laugh against her neck, which only made Natasha laugh as well. “Shut up,” she told him, lightly hitting his shoulder.

“Not a word,” he promised, pushing them off the rest of the way as Natasha removed her bra and tossed that aside as well.

Bathed in moonlight, Steve crawled up to kiss her again and Natasha took full advantage of the fact that she could touch him as much as she wanted. Even as he peeled her panties off and tossed them aside, leaving the thigh high stockings she’d worn  _ on _ , she noticed, Natasha’s hands never left him for very long. Was it a crime to be so enamored with the way he moved and the way the muscles moved under his skin? Was it not entirely understandable to shiver when he rolled his hips against her and hiked her legs up over his arms?

There wasn’t nearly as much foreplay this time, but she didn’t care. “Condoms are in the bathroom,” she said at some point, and Steve lifted his head.

“In the bathroom,” he repeated. “All the way over there.” He pointed towards the door on the far side of her room, assuming that was the bathroom and not a closet. “Pretty inconvenient.”

Natasha shrugged a little, idly letting her arms fall above her head while she stretched out beneath Steve. “Well, I haven’t needed them lately. Sue me.” 

Steve smirked a little bit. “Wait, so what’s in your nightstand?”

Natasha pushed herself up on her elbows as he backed up off the bed and stood there in all his glory, displaying all those muscles and a very flushed cock as well. She took her time dragging her gaze down his whole body and right back up again. “None of your business, handsome.”

“That’s a funny way to say  _ vibrator _ ,” he teased as he wandered towards the bathroom to retrieve a condom. 

Asshole. “Don’t be jealous,” she called after him. “It doesn’t suit you.”

He laughed on his way into the bathroom and Natasha spread out on the bed a little more. Why was it easier this time? Was it just because it wasn’t the  _ first _ time? Was it because they knew each other a little better? Maybe it was because they were at her place and not his. 

“I’m back!” Steve came over with the whole box of condoms in hand and Natasha raised her eyebrows at him. “What?”

“Awfully ambitious, don’t you think?”

“I prefer to think of myself as bold,” he chuckled, pulling one condom out and crawling over her again. “And I’ll live up to it, I promise.”

Natasha smiled as she spread her legs and watched Steve roll the condom on before tucking his arms under her knees and pushing up. “You had better live up to it,” she muttered. “I don’t know how you’d live it down otherwise.”

Steve sighed and shook his head. “Well, then I’d better get started,” he quipped. “The sooner I get you moaning, the better my chances of measuring up.”

“Well, then what are you waiting for---  _ Oh _ …”

Cutting her off right there, Steve pressed forward and slid home in a single movement. With her legs pushed up, Natasha had no choice but to lift her arms and hold onto the sheets for leverage as Steve built up a smooth rhythm. Maybe he wouldn’t quite live up to whatever vague standard she’d built up in her head- that is, the use of at least three of those condoms he’d brought in -but maybe he would. Natasha supposed it would be silly of her to think that Steve, who had surprised her at every turn, couldn’t surprise her again.

She was only further convinced when he pulled out and urged her onto her stomach so he could pull her hips right into the air. Natasha huffed as she situated herself with her knees spread apart and her back sloped into a graceful arch.

“I didn’t take you for the doggy style type,” she teased, her words broken by a soft moan as he pressed back into her.

Steve chuckled. “What can I say? I’m all about what works best.”

And he did have a point. With Steve’s big hands bracketing her hips and Natasha incessantly pressing back into each and every thrust, it felt like he was even bigger and hitting just the right spot inside her to boot. Natasha’s hands curled in the sheets again and she groaned out loud as he shifted to plant one foot on the bed, widening his stance in order to get the best angle and the best depth possible. The next thing she knew, he was building up his rhythm and snaking one arm around her hip to stroke over her sensitive nub--- so they could come together, which they did just a moment later. Natasha moaned into the sheets and arched her back a little harder as his thrusts slowed and eventually stopped. Steve went ahead and pulled out, landing on his back beside Natasha so he could dispose of the condom and give her a wide smile.

“Round one,” he commented. “I don’t wanna speak for you, but that was pretty amazing.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and dropped down to the bed so she could roll over onto her back as well. She even inched a little closer even though her bed was pretty massive and they could have all the space they wanted all to themselves.

“Round one of how many?” She gave him a teasing smile. “I hope you don’t think you’re done.”

Steve smiled widely and rolled over to rest on his side. “Done? It’s still early.”

“That’s what I like to see,” she answered easily. “A man with a plan.”

This was surprisingly nice. Natasha didn’t feel like she was getting herself in too deep because at the moment, they were just enjoying each other’s company without anything else getting in the way. Steve was still sweet, but considering he was butt naked and flushed from his ears to his chest, she was willing to overlook that one little thing.

“Hey, is asking you to sit on my face totally out of line?”

Natasha’s gaze snapped up to meet Steve’s and she just… she burst out laughing. Why? Why was he so… so… like that? So earnest! She’d had men take without giving back, she’d had men who gave it a lukewarm try and moved on within a few minutes, she’d had one particularly filthy guy try to make everything he wanted to do sound even dirtier than he was, but this? No, she’d never had a man so honestly looking forward to going down on her, let alone asking for it so openly.

Steve frowned a little bit. “Hey,” he mumbled, reaching out to poke her shoulder. “What’s so funny?”

Natasha snorted into the sheets she’d bunched up under her and shook her head while he continued to poke at her shoulder, her arm—when he poked under her ribs, she shivered and curled away from him as she laughed a little more, but ultimately picked her head up to give him a look.

“I would be happy to sit on your face,” she told him. “You’re such an unapologetic perv.”

Steve dramatically brought a hand to his chest and looked rather outraged. “Me?” He asked innocently. “Me? No, you can’t be talking about me. I’m as pure as they come. Haven’t you heard? Prince fucking Charming.”

Natasha bit her lip and quickly tackled him onto his back so she could ‘pin’ his hands down and straddle him again. “I’ve always figured Prince Charming had a big dick,” she quipped. “Hate to break it to you, Steve, but you still fit the Prince Charming thing. No point trying to get out of it.”

“Oh, yeah?” He huffed a little bit and averted his gaze while he thought about his options here. “Maybe I just have to try a little harder.”

Hm. Now that was an interesting thought. “Oh?” She mused, seating herself right on his belly for the time being. “Well, my interest is piqued. Have at it, Steve. Go for it.”

Like she hadn’t been holding him down at all, Steve quickly reversed their positions and pinned her arms above her head- only he  _ really _ pinned them. Natasha groaned as she struggled for a moment before going still. “That’s it? You’re going to have to do a lot better than this.”

Steve smirked and it was unlike anything she’d ever seen before. When he leaned down to kiss her again, she could tell that he was pouring himself into it maybe a little more than usual; he immediately deepened it and took control instead of letting her share it. Maybe that was a small change, but it was enough to make Natasha let out a little sigh as he pulled away with her lip between his teeth. Very good; impressive, considering he was really just a big boy scout.

“You’re going to sit on my face,” he told her with some finality. “And I’m going to make you come so hard that we’ll have to change the sheets in the morning.”

Without much conscious participation from her, Steve flipped them over and urged Natasha up until she was poised over his chest. Wait. Was he staying the night?

Fortunately, that thought and the slight panic that came with it was entirely drowned out by the first of many moans that came with settling down right where Steve wanted her. His hands curled around the backs of her thighs to hold her there and Natasha didn’t even bother trying to fight the urge to rock her hips down. He was just so enthusiastic and when it came down to it, really talented as well. If absolutely nothing else, he was  _ incredibly _ good with his mouth.

In no time at all, she had one hand planted behind her on his chest and threaded the other into his hair for some leverage. Whatever he was doing, it was like he was driving her right up to the precipice of another orgasm and then bailing so he could keep her there a while longer; it made her wonder if he could actually breathe being down there for so long. She even started to sweat, little droplets running down the length of her spine as she worked her hips and desperately tried to get off.

By the time it actually built up to the point where she fell over the edge, Natasha also let out a shuddering, uneven moan and locked her thighs tight around Steve’s head-- not that it mattered. She was shaking so steadily that she nearly lost her balance even as Steve's hands came up to hold her waist. Eventually, she rolled off him and curled up at his side- which was when she finally noticed that not only was his face kind of soaked, but the sheets were as well.

She narrowed her eyes. “Okay, point,” she muttered. “But that doesn't make you anything less than a prince.”

“Maybe that doesn’t,” he remarked as he wiped his face and fixed her with a proud smile. “But maybe I’m not done yet.”

Natasha’s gaze shot up to figure out what he was doing. “What do you mean?”

Steve huffed out a short laugh and sat up to retrieve a second condom, rolling it on with ease as he’d been hard for nearly half of that last bit. “I mean that I’m not done,” he repeated. “I promised you a couple of rounds, right?”

With that, he rolled Natasha onto her belly and trapped her legs together as he straddled her thighs. Of course, when his big hands landed on her ass to spread her open for him, Natasha’s eyebrows hit her hairline because that was not happening. “What are you even doing back there?” She huffed.

Steve leaned down and kissed her shoulder. “You’ll find out in a minute,” he answered. “Just relax.”

Relax? “I swear to God, you had better not be doing what I think you’re doing.”

There was a nearly audible pause wherein Steve spread her open again and just brushed his fingertip over her back entrance- something that nearly had Natasha curling up to avoid it. “Calm down, calm down, I wouldn’t do that to anyone.” He paused. “Without prep, at least.”

Natasha huffed as she folded her arms and let her head rest on top of them. Steve’s hands were gentle, at least. He parted her legs just a little bit and before Natasha could ask once again just what the hell he thought he was doing, he pressed into her from behind and she had no choice but to let out a long moan. With that angle, with her legs closed, with his already impressive size, he felt even bigger than usual and she appreciated it to no end.

“Ugh, move,” she demanded, wriggling beneath him and groaning when she realized she had literally no way to instigate anything right now. Steve’s weight was pinning her down and while she figured he would get off of she actually asked him to, he wasn’t going anywhere until then and frankly, she didn’t want him to stop.

Steve acquiesced even though he could have teased her a little more and it was like she could feel every single inch and every little movement to a degree she just wasn’t used to. Holding himself up over Natasha, he was able to pound into her to the point where the slap of his hips hitting her ass was a more poignant sound than anything else. And that angle. Natasha bit her lip as she tried to arch her back a little more and surprised herself by crying out as Steve shifted his angle just enough, slowing down so he could get the deepest possible penetration.

Natasha’s lips parted in soft, breathless moans that quickly turned into what could best be described as harsh whimpers she muffled in the nearest pillow. Whatever he was doing, Steve was hitting the  _ perfect _ spot every single time and before long, her brow furrowed and with her fingers curled into the sheets, Natasha came for the  _ third _ time since they’d arrived back at her place that evening. Steve followed not long afterwards and they landed in a sweaty heap on the bed.

“Okay, point taken,” Natasha panted. “I think you definitely earned coffee in the morning.”

Steve chuckled beside her and rolled onto his side again. “Yeah? That’s some compliment.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and swatted at him, but they ultimately settled into a wordless decision to spend the night together no matter how resistant Natasha felt. Steve got up to clean himself up in the bathroom and she righted herself in bed, settling her head on a pillow while she waited for him to come back out. Sure enough, Steve came wandering back out and slid under the covers beside her, even lying on his side to face her.

“Try not to get hard while I walk to the bathroom,” she teased him, slipping away to take her turn.

She was just reaching the doorway when he spoke up from the bed. “That’s more challenging than you think,” he said smoothly. “You’ve got a really nice ass.”

Natasha glanced back at him and arched an eyebrow. “Write that on my tombstone. Here lies Natasha: She had a really nice ass.”

Once she was all cleaned up, she took a deep, deep breath and went back out to join him. To her utter delight, Steve was already asleep. His lips were slightly parted, his eyelashes brushing the tops of his cheeks… He really was kind of beautiful in his own way. Natasha slid under the sheets beside him and for a long while, she just watched. Steve’s breathing was deep and steady, and she hazarded getting closer to him because he was so very warm. When he rolled onto his back and shifted to get a little more comfortable, Natasha realized that the urge to rest her head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat while she fell asleep was a little too strong. She even inched closer in contemplation of exactly that, but her decision was made for her when Steve put one arm around her shoulders and brought her in close; whether it was done unconsciously or not, Natasha found her cheek pressed against his chest.

It was surprisingly nice.

The next morning, she woke up to an empty bed and frowned while she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and reached out to shut off her blaring alarm. Had Steve just left? She supposed she couldn’t blame him if he had; she’d walked out on him halfway through the night, after all. But Natasha spotted his tshirt on the floor and pulled it on as she wandered down the hall, following soft music until she found Steve  _ in her kitchen _ , shirtless and singing to himself.

“What are you doing?”

The sudden question made him jump and nearly send the pan of eggs he was working on right onto the floor. Steve covered and smiled as he continued to poke at them with a spatula he’d pulled from God only knows where because Natasha didn’t think she’d ever used much more than the toaster, the coffee machine, and one pot for pasta. “I’m making breakfast,” he answered like it was the most normal thing in the world. “Eggs and toast, mostly because you don’t have anything else.”

Natasha stared.

“There’s coffee too.”

Forcing her legs to move, Natasha poured herself a cup of coffee and leaned back against the counter to watch him. Steve looked so at home there, like he’d never even thought about the fact that he was in someone else’s kitchen. She idly wondered if he cooked breakfast and put on a little show for every woman he slept with or if she was special, and then she reminded herself that it didn’t matter whether or not she was special. This wasn’t a relationship.

Soon enough, Steve slid a plate of beautifully made sunny side up eggs and buttered toast onto the table and gave her a warm smile. He didn’t lean in to kiss her, she noticed. Apparently she was going to be hyper aware right off the bat as far as Steve was concerned, even though she had no right acting like a crazy girlfriend by dissecting his every move. Natasha gave him an unsure look, but he just smiled a little brighter and gestured for her to sit.

“I was gonna go get bagels, but I think we’d be late,” he mused as he sat down with his own plate and cup of coffee.

God knows why, but Natasha took massive offense to the ‘we’ he used. They were going to work together, then? Like a couple. People would know that they’d arrived together and the gossip would spread immediately. But did she care? Why should she care? She’d slept with the guy everyone at the hospital wanted. It was an accomplishment, not something to be ashamed of. Commitment issues aside, Steve was definitely nothing to be ashamed of.

Natasha finally took a bite of her eggs and glanced back up at him. “This is really good,” she praised. “It’s been a while since I’ve had eggs like this.” Fresh, homemade, that kind of thing.

Steve offered her a lopsided smile and dug into his own eggs with impressive gusto. He even mopped up the yolk with his toast and cleaned his plate so neatly that she wondered if he’d be eating some kind of second breakfast later on if he had the chance. “If you like these, you should try my pancakes.”

But she wouldn’t. Right? Because they probably weren’t doing this again.

When they were both done, Steve said he would do the dishes and Natasha wandered off to her room to get dressed. In a daze, she chose a shiny red blouse and a black pencil skirt, along with a pair of black Louis Vuitton pumps with a red underside. She neglected stockings, but she did put a necklace on and tied her hair back in a neat style that would keep it out of the way for the rest of the day. All done, she spritzed perfume on her neck and it was as she put down her bottle that Steve came up behind her and buried his nose in her shoulder.

“You smell good,” he told her, kissing her there and quickly moving away to get dressed in his jeans and tshirt. He went commando, she noticed, tucking his boxers into his bag for laundry later on. Classy, although she would bet he had spare boxers as well as his scrubs stashed in his locker at work.

It was like an affectionate drive-by or something. Natasha felt mildly violated even though he hadn’t done anything wrong and Steve looked like he’d won the lottery. Typical, wasn’t it? It was like they were a stereotypical unhappy married couple from TV; after sex the woman just feels kind of annoyed, and the man feels like he’s won some kind of prize. Of course, the sex in this case had been phenomenal. But that wasn’t the point.

Before Natasha really knew what was happening, they were leaving together and wandering down to the train. Standing room only, Natasha took a spot in the middle and reached up for a handle while  Steve just kind of stood nearby, reaching out when the train jerked this way or that. The conversation was noticeably stunted, at least from Natasha’s perspective, and that had to stop if they wanted to remain friends.

“I usually stop for coffee before I get to work,” she tried. “Just an FYI; there’s a place on the corner.”

Steve nodded. “Okay, sounds good. I think I’ve had enough coffee, but maybe a muffin or something…”

Thankfully, the ride back to the hospital wasn’t a particularly long one because their conversation had taken a weird turn for the incredibly bland.

They stopped for coffee like she’d said; well, Natasha got coffee and Steve ordered himself a breakfast sandwich and a muffin because apparently he could eat a lot in the morning. From there, it was only a ten minute walk to the hospital and Natasha held her head high as they walked in together no matter who saw them; it wasn’t like they’d never been seen together before.

When the elevator stopped on Steve’s floor, he turned to her and smiled widely, touching her lower back and giving her the most ridiculous wink yet. “Have a good day, Nat,” he said warmly.

Natasha had no choice but to smile back-- in fact, it came more naturally than she had expected. “You too,” she answered. And then, because apparently she was a glutton for punishment-- “See you for lunch?”

Steve looked surprised, but he nodded quickly. “Yeah, definitely. I’ll try to make it by noon this time, okay?”

With that he darted off the elevator and Natasha watched the doors close behind him with a growing sense of dread. What was she getting herself into?

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated in its entirety to @xo_stardust720 in honor of her birthday, which is in just a few days. Chrissy, you're a goddamn inspiration and I want to grow up to be just like you. Happy Birthday! <33

As it turned out, Steve was dealing with a very difficult delivery that day and couldn’t make it to lunch. Natasha was so incredibly relieved by it that she immediately marched into Pepper’s office for lunch instead, and she came with every intention of talking about what was going on. If there was anyone she could trust when it came to relationship advice, it was Pepper.

“What are you _doing_? Natasha, he’s Mr. Perfect and you can’t imagine opening up for him?”

Or she could be lectured on the merits of trusting people. Either way, Natasha was glad she’d come to Pepper if only because she was going to get the God’s honest truth in the least complicated way. Over excellent mee krob from a little Thai place Tony recommended (and yes, Natasha side-eyed Pepper the entire time she was ordering), she would try to figure out what to do about Steve. Because she did like him, but the idea of a relationship was so _awful_ to her.

“Okay, let’s try it this way. What exactly are you afraid of?”

Natasha licked her lips and sighed. “What happens if we get together, and I really fall in love with him, and then it turns out we can’t make it work? The whole work relationship gets weird, one of us will have to transfer, or we’ll just have to stand in awkward silence every single time we see each other.”

Pepper huffed a little. “So you’d rather not try at all? I know you haven’t had _many_ relationships, but…”

“I’ve had one relationship.”

Pause.

“Just one?”

“Yeah,” Natasha mumbled as she took another bite of her food. “I’ve slept with guys more than once, but other than that one time…” She shrugged a little. “And I’m so _busy_ \--”

“You and I both know that’s a bad excuse,” Pepper interrupted. “Steve knows how busy this line of work can be and he’ll understand if you need to choose the job over him every now and then.”

“You really do make him sound perfect,” she answered, giving Pepper a sideways glance.

Pepper shrugged. “Maybe he’s just perfect _for you_ . You even said it yourself- the best sex you’ve ever had, plus the fact that he’s sweet and sane and he can _cook_ .” She gave Natasha a look that clearly said she was nuts for even beginning to question whether or not this was a good idea. “He’s got a good job, he actually _cares_ about the patients, he sticks up for what he believes…”

As Pepper ticked off the great things she knew about Steve, yet another worry crept up and Natasha’s brow furrowed in thought. What if Steve was just too good for her? She cared about her patients, but she wasn’t going to physically fight one if they were making a stupid decision. She got into this field because she liked the idea of learning how the human body works, but the money didn’t hurt either; it wasn’t as though she’d first put her life on the line and then dedicated the rest of that life to helping people. She also didn’t cook, she hardly worked out, she didn’t-- volunteer her time to hungry kids or homeless vets or animals in need on the weekends either.

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea to date him,” she sighed. “One thing at a time. We’ve slept together twice now and I _survived_ breakfast. Maybe we can just take it slow.”

“Just not too slow,” Pepper warned. “He’s not going to wait forever.”

With those words echoing in her mind for the rest of the day, Natasha could hardly concentrate. She was glad she had no surgeries scheduled that day and found herself content to work on notes and review charts for whatever she had scheduled the next day. That evening, she was startled around six by a knock on her door and looked up to find Steve just popping his head in to say good night.

“Haven’t seen you all day,” he said. “I figured I’d just drop by for a sec.”

“How did that difficult delivery go?”

Steve sighed as he fully entered her office and leaned against the back of one of her chairs. “The kid had the cord around his neck twice,” he explained. “But we got him out and the mom is okay. He’s gonna have to stay in the NICU for a few days, though.”

Natasha nodded along. “Well, at least they’re both alright.”

“Yeah, definitely.”

There was this pause and Natasha wondered if Steve hoped for a repeat performance of the night before. As amazing as it had been, they couldn’t just have drinks and fuck every night.

“You look busy,” he tried.

“Yeah, I’ve got a quadruple bypass tomorrow,” she answered. “High risk patient. I’m just trying to ready myself, get all the notes in order, that kind of thing.”

Steve nodded and pushed himself up. “Well, I won’t keep you, but try not to work _too_ hard. Have a good night, Nat.”

Natasha smiled. “You too, Steve. See you tomorrow.”

 

The next morning, Natasha headed into surgery as usual. In a soft pair of flats and with her favorite classical music playing in the background, she started the familiar process of performing a bypass. The patient was on the older side; at seventy five, she had decided to take her chances with the procedure based on her doctor’s recommendation even after Natasha had explained that there were quite a lot of risks based on her age and a few other factors.

 

_“If I’m meant to go this way, then I will,” Marjorie said. “It’s the best option for me now.”_

_“Ma’am, with all due respect, the risks might not outweigh the benefits of this surgery. I know you trust your GP, but--”_

_“How old are you, dear?”_

_Natasha blinked. “I’m thirty two.”_

_“A baby,” she chuckled warmly. Marjorie looked like every sweet grandmother ought to; soft, grey hair and kind eyes and a warm smile. She looked like she had candies in her purse and made a really mean pie when she wanted to. Natasha knew just from the nurses taking care of her and the vases on her window how many people loved her: children and grandchildren, friends, neighbors… Her husband was gone, but she still had such a wonderful family. “When you get to be my age, dear, you start to remember how fragile life can be.”_

_Natasha did something she never did and took a seat on the edge of her bed for the moment, setting her chart aside. It was a foolish decision in her opinion to go through with this bypass, but Marjorie was still standing firm after two days of negotiations.  “I know how fragile it is,” she said quietly. “I hold life in my hands several times a week, but ma’am…”_

_“You also remember that life ends,” she interrupted. “No matter what we do to prevent it, life ends.” She reached out and patted Natasha’s hand. “And please, call me Marjorie. Ma’am makes me feel like an old lady.” She winked and Natasha smiled, but she’d left the room feeling unsure of herself. She didn’t think she’d ever met someone so content that the threat of their long, full life ending didn’t really phase them._

_Natasha knew right then that while she didn’t like the odds at stake here, she couldn’t exactly refuse to perform the surgery knowing she was this woman’s best chance at a successful procedure._

 

The first half of the surgery went smoothly. Everything about it was familiar and perfectly ideal, so Natasha relaxed enough to get into the usual groove she found herself in during surgery.

Unfortunately, that was when everything went wrong. First, she crashed and Natasha had to scramble to get her heart back where it was supposed to be. Because they were already halfway through, she wasn’t able to just stop and pull back now; it had to be finished one way or another or she’d be even worse off. After that, Natasha was twice as careful as usual, but it wasn’t enough. Marjorie crashed again not an hour later and again, they managed to bring her back. But the third time… it didn’t work.

Natasha watched as her right hand shocked Marjorie once, twice, three times and she couldn’t come back from it, not this time. It was Natasha who had to call it: 11:24AM. It was _never_ easy to lose a patient, but as she had spoken to this woman rather extensively and far more than usual, Natasha returned to her office feeling shaken and miserable. She’d failed.

And Natasha would have to speak to her family and explain what had happened.

Once she’d gathered herself, she went into the waiting room and asked for them so she could explain. Her heart stopped a little more than halfway through the procedure and they couldn’t bring her back, not after the first two times. She was so sorry, but their mother had passed. Of course, they were upset. Natasha could see the tears in their eyes before they even fell and apologized again even as they curled into each other for comfort.

Natasha hurried back to her office as fast as she could without actually looking frantic. She bumped right into Sam on the way and avoided his gaze as she apologized and slipped past him with every intention of shutting herself away in her office. She completely ignored him calling after her and she hoped he didn’t come after her because right now? Right now, she wanted to shut the door and just curl up. She’d _failed_. It never got any easier to lose a patient and Natasha had really believed in this one. She’d desperately wanted this poor woman to be able to walk out of the hospital happy and healthy again.

She landed on her little sofa and rested her elbows on her knees with her hands over her face.

This wasn’t the first patient she’d ever lost, so why was it hitting so hard? Was it just because she’d spent time with the old woman? Was it because she had known how risky the procedure was and went through with it anyway based on what the woman wanted? Was it just because Marjorie had hit home in a way that most patients didn’t?

She was still thinking about it when there was a knock and Natasha quickly wiped under her eyes and called for whoever it was to come in. But she hadn’t been expecting Steve.

“Hey,” he said softly. “Sam told me what happened and he said you seemed upset…”

Natasha sniffed once and stood up so she could retrieve a bottle of water from her fridge and take a long, long sip. “Sam needs to mind his own business,” she countered. “I’m fine.”

Steve frowned and stepped closer, immediately reaching out to brush her hair back. “You don’t look fine,” he said knowingly. “It’s alright if you’re not…”

It really wasn’t alright, but Natasha pulled away and dropped down to her couch again without really protesting. “I just hate losing them,” she admitted as she set her water down. “I’m supposed to help them, not hurt them.”

Steve’s arm went around her shoulders and squeezed lightly. “It’s not your fault,” he said. “Everyone around here knows you’re an amazing surgeon. Sometimes these things just happen.”

“I know that, but I still don’t like it when it does happen,” she reasoned.

“Well, no. But it’s not your fault.”

Natasha huffed and averted her gaze. She knew it wasn’t _entirely_ her fault; she was a damn good surgeon and she knew what she was doing, but there was always that layer of doubt. What if she could have done something differently? What if she could have found a way to reason with Marjorie so that she hadn’t gone through with the surgery at all? What if there was something she missed?

“Nat, you can’t just blame yourself,” he continued, rubbing her back. “Hey, let’s go for a walk or something. We can talk about it, or--”

“No. I don’t want to go for a walk.”

“A little air will do you good, come on… It’s the best thing for when you’re feeling like this.”

“Not for me,” she answered, moving to pull away. “I just need to rest.”

“Rest? All you’re gonna wind up doing is thinking about it.”

Natasha glanced up at him again. “Are you done telling me what’s best for me?”

“What? I wasn’t--”

She shook her head and pulled away completely, getting right to her feet and moving towards her window. “You were,” she said. “I don’t need you to tell me how to deal with this, I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time.”

Steve slowly stood up and gestured helplessly. “I was just trying to help.”

“You’re always just trying to help, but it never occurs to you that there’s a time and a place for it,” Natasha snapped. “I’m not in the mood for the white knight conversation, okay? I know the sex is great, but I don't need anyone to save me. Just-- I’m not in the mood.” She turned back and gave him a look. “You should just go.”

Steve looked like he’d been slapped. “Right,” he muttered. “I’ll see you later. Take it easy.”

He left and Natasha immediately felt like an asshole. He was just trying to help and she couldn’t seem to get out of her own way long enough to accept any comfort. It was just that she wasn’t used to it. Both of her friends knew better than to try and push when she was upset; Steve had to learn that lesson eventually; apparently he was going to learn it the hard way.

Later that day, Natasha did something she almost never did and wandered down to the first floor of the hospital to loiter near the ER. It took her a while of waiting as she idly reviewed her notes on a tablet for the next day, but eventually a familiar voice filtered through the clinic patients and all the noise that came with them and Natasha stood up to greet her best friend, an ambulance driver and EMT.

“No way!” Clint laughed as he immediately jogged over to Natasha and hugged her around the waist, even lifting her up off her feet for a moment regardless of her protesting. It was Clint; he could get away with things literally no one else ever would, at least not in the foreseeable future. “What are you doing down here with us?”

Natasha lightly shoved his shoulder. “Shut up, I’m just here to say hi. I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Yeah, right. What’s going on?” Clint wasn’t going to be fooled; in fact, he probably knew Natasha better than anyone else and that absolutely included her father, who had aged about as badly as a person could and still spoke to her primarily in Russian.

Natasha shrugged a little. “It’s nothing,” she repeated. “I just wanted to see you.”

Clint frowned in concern, his brows drawing together as he stepped a little closer and reached out to touch her arm. “You wanna have dinner tonight? I should be off by six.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice,” she agreed. “I’ll meet you in the lobby at six.”

With plans made to catch up at Clint’s favorite Italian restaurant, Natasha felt marginally better. Her best friend had a way of doing that; she could be in the worst mood and a few words from him made it all better somehow. Maybe that was just because he’d seen her at her worst, way back in college when she hadn’t had the time or the patience to deal with people in a decent way. She’d been a pretty nasty person sometimes not because she thought herself above anyone, but because she was so driven and goal oriented. He stuck with her and Natasha wouldn’t ever forget that.

Steve didn’t come back for the rest of the day and Natasha was glad for it; of course, that was until the elevator stopped on his floor at exactly ten to six and Steve got in. Well, this was perfectly awkward, wasn’t it?

They stood in deafening silence until the elevator hit the ground floor and Steve gestured for her to go first, which got a short nod of her head in reply. In the lobby, Clint stood up from where he was sitting to wait for her and immediately slid his arm around her shoulders as they proceeded to walk out of the building. He didn’t give Steve a second glance and when Natasha finally glanced back, Steve was headed down the street in the opposite direction.

“So, what’s up? What have I missed?” Clint was already guiding her towards the pizza place. Knowing him, he’d managed to skip lunch and any kind of solid breakfast, so he was likely starving. “Are you seeing anyone yet?”

Natasha elbowed him in the ribs. “How long are you going to keep asking that question? You’ve known me for years.”

“I’ll keep asking until you’ve got a different answer,” he said easily.

“Over my dead body.”

Clint gave her a look. “C’mon, don’t say that. No reason you can’t have someone.”

“What, like you?”

“Going home to two kids and someone who cuddles me at night isn’t a bad thing,” he countered. “In fact, some might say it’s actually a good way to live. Hashtag blessed.”

Natasha gave him a sideways glare and shook her head. “For your information, I had someone cuddling me just a couple of nights ago.”

Clint let out a whistle. “Who? Tell me everything. Is this another asshole you slept with for the thrill of it or does he have potential?”

As an EMT, Clint was clearly very out of touch when it came to hospital gossip, especially considering all the nurses had been talking about the fact that Steve and Natasha arrived to work together that one time. “His name is Steve,” she sighed as they entered the restaurant and asked for a table for two. “He’s a nurse in the maternity ward.”

“A nurse?” Clint paused to ask their waitress for a beer to accompany Natasha’s wine and glanced up at her as he perused the menu even though he knew he got the exact same thing every time. “So, what’s he like? The nurse, I mean. Is he all kinds of dreamy?”

Natasha raised her eyebrows as she set her menu down. “He’s handsome,” she admitted. “He’s sweet too; he’s kind of got this glass-half-full nonsense going on.”

“You could use some of that,” Clint quipped.

“Well, I don’t think he’s going to be around very much anymore. I might have snapped at him a little bit today.” It wasn’t like she’d actively meant to push him away, but Natasha’s instinct was to protect herself, not explain how she was feeling to others. “Don’t give me that look. He was pushing too much. It was like he really wanted to be the one to be there for me or something.”

Clint nodded slowly. “And that’s bad because… why?”

Natasha huffed and turned to order when their waitress returned with their drinks. They’d decided to split a pizza (half with pepperoni for Clint and half with extra cheese for Natasha), and ordered garlic knots to keep them busy in the meantime. “Because I’m not looking for a boyfriend,” she told him as she sipped her wine. “And I’m definitely not looking to be saved.”

“Nat-- and I mean this in the sweetest possible way-- did you ever stop and think that maybe he just wanted to be there for you because he likes you and not because he’s trying to undermine your ability to take care of yourself?”

Sometimes Clint did stupid things like trip over his dog on the way to the fridge in the middle of the night and sometimes he said things that were right on the money, not that Natasha would ever admit that out loud. “Obviously not,” she answered. “I’m not going to think about it.”

“I dunno, it kind of sounds like you should apologize.”

Their garlic knots arrived and Natasha took one right away so she’d have something to chew on while she tried to imagine apologizing to Steve. Honestly? That didn’t feel like something she wanted to do, since it would mean she would have to tell him that she was practically emotionally stunted. “It sounds like you should drop it and tell me how the kids are doing,” she countered once she’d swallowed. “Go on.”

Over the course of their dinner, Clint told her all about how the kids were doing in school and how Laura was dealing with her latest pregnancy. Apparently she was moody, but glowing. Clint always looked so happy when he talked about her, like he was just walking on air. Maybe there was a part of Natasha that wanted to talk about someone that way, but the odds of that happening were so slim. She knew far more unhappy couples than happy ones; based on the way she’d already treated Steve, it was likely that she would belong to the former group should she really try to be with someone.

“You should really come over for dinner sometime,” Clint offered as they waited for the check. “I know Laura would be happy to have you.”

Natasha smiled. “Alright. I mean, since she’s naming your baby after me, the least I can do is grace you with my presence.”

Clint laughed and plucked the bill off the table before Natasha could get to it. She gave him a look and rolled her eyes as he completely ignored her and paid for the whole thing, but she insisted upon leaving the tip at the very least. Outside, Natasha happily accepted a warm embrace from her friend and promised that she’d text him about coming over for dinner. She did miss the kids, noisy as they might be, and Laura was always great company. Whenever she was there, Natasha felt like she was just part of their family and it was a really nice feeling, truthfully.

And the next day… she would go about apologizing to Steve. Again.

 

Since she’d brought him lunch the last time, Natasha decided that the best way to say she was sorry would be to bring him something sweet instead; everyone needed a chocolate pick me up every now and then, right? Besides, he’d brought her cannolis that one time and it had been appreciated, so he would understand what she was trying to do.

It was with some confidence that she went out the next afternoon and picked up a box of cookies from a nearby bakery; she even left a tray of them at the nurses’ station assuming they’d get something out of them as well. It wasn’t like she had friends to spare, so a little kindness certainly wouldn’t hurt her reputation. One she’d left them a tray, she wandered down to the maternity ward and found Steve talking to a young father in the waiting room- a very young father, in fact. He couldn’t be more than sixteen or seventeen years old and he was so slim that his shoulder was nearly weighed down when Steve’s hand landed on it.

She waited as patiently as she could and eventually Steve came over to her with a small smile. It was, she noticed, much smaller than usual when they were together.

“I thought you could use a pick me up,” she said easily. “So I got some cookies and I figured we could take a little break and share them.” There. That was practically a pick up line, even if she wasn’t really planning on actually fucking him while they were at work.

To her surprise, however, Steve just rubbed at the back of his neck and sighed. “I can’t really take another break right now,” he said. “There’s no one to cover.”

He was a terrible liar, especially since Natasha could see several other nurses milling about and clearly on duty. Was this all because of what she’d said the day before? She hadn’t felt like herself after that loss; what did he expect?

“Oh,” she answered. “Alright, well… I’ll just leave this here for all of you…”

Natasha wasn’t used to being rejected. She wasn’t used to putting herself out there in any way, shape, or form and to do so only to be shot down? It stung and she figured she’d remember it for a long time just because of how embarrassed she felt. Maybe he really didn’t want her around? Maybe he’d found someone else who wasn’t so difficult. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a hundred prospects in that one building. Whatever it was, Natasha returned to her floor as soon as possible and waited out the rest of the day in a particularly quiet mood.

Two days later, the words ‘I’m sorry’ had yet to cross Natasha’s lips even though she’d seen Steve several times, both in the elevator and otherwise. She knew Clint meant well by the texts he was sending her (mostly invites to his place for dinner accompanied by thinly veiled questions about what was happening with ‘that Steve guy’) and she wanted to give him good news, but the fact was that she didn’t exactly know how to get past it other than…

Yes. If she acted like nothing was wrong, there was a chance he’d just go with it.

And so, she waited in the lobby until she saw Steve coming in and finally hit the button for the elevator while he made his way over. It was now or never, right?

“Good morning,” she said brightly. “Anything big scheduled for today?”

Steve gave her a surprised look. “Yeah, we’ve got a woman coming in for induced labor,” he said slowly. “Are you feeling alright?”

Natasha smiled and it felt like all her teeth might be showing. Too much, she reminded herself. There was literally no reason to try this hard; it wasn’t as though she’d lost the love of her life, just a work… friend. She was making way too big a deal about all this.

“I’m fine!” She shrugged a little. “Why wouldn’t I be fine?”

Steve blinked. “I… don’t know,” he said slowly. “Do you have anything scheduled today?”

“Just a minimally invasive thing,” she answered easily. “Nothing too big.”

Eventually, they reached his floor and Steve moved to get out, blocking the door from closing with one arm. “I guess I’ll see you around,” he said politely.

Wait. “What about lunch?” She piped up quickly. “In my office? My treat.”

Okay, now she just sounded desperate. Steve paused and watched her for a moment before averting his gaze like he was trying to figure out a reason to decline. Natasha couldn’t even fathom why her heart was beating so fast, but it felt like she was waiting on pins and needles for Steve’s answer.

“Okay,” he agreed after a few moments. “I’ll be there at noon, but I’m paying my share.”

Natasha knew that was a bad sign; he was making a statement that they were _separate_. “If you insist,” she sighed. “I’ll see you at twelve, Steve.”

And that was it. The whole thing left Natasha feeling sad and uncomfortable, but that was _nothing_ compared to how stilted the conversation was when Steve arrived and instead of landing on the couch like he usually did, he chose to sit up straight in a chair. They decided on burgers and silence fell upon them the moment Natasha was done ordering for delivery.

“So,” she mused after a moment, trying to keep her spirits up. “Do anything fun last night?”

Steve scoffed a little and shook his head. “No, you know me. Just went home and went to bed alone.”

Natasha frowned a little. What was he getting at? “At least we’ve got one thing in common,” she quipped.

“Ha, right.” Steve gave her a look and shook his head again, like he couldn’t believe she was actually lying right to his face. He looked disillusioned or something.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” God help her, Natasha couldn’t just drop it there.

“It means that I know you didn’t go to bed alone, come on. I’m not an idiot. Or maybe you did, I don't know. All I know is that I don't like being lied to.”

Natasha blinked at him. What was he even getting at? She’d never had Steve _pissed_ at her before; he’d been upset, she supposed, maybe a little hurt, but not pissed. Seeing him this way only made her consciously aware of the fact that she didn’t want him to be mad at her.

“What are you talking about?”

Steve sighed and stood up, rifling around in his pocket for a few dollars that he placed on the table to cover his order, which still had yet to arrive. “Look, I’m sorry that you’re a little emotionally stunted, alright? I’m sorry. But that doesn’t give you the right to fuck with other people like they don’t matter.”

With Natasha gaping after him, Steve turned and marched right out of her office. What was his problem? He was acting this nasty just because she’d snapped at him? Because if this was how he really was, then maybe she was a smart cookie not getting involved with him. Natasha had no qualms about the fact that she could hold her own and take care of herself, but if Steve was violent, then she didn’t want anything to do with him.

Then again, if he was that kind of person, wouldn’t she have seen it by now? Yes, he’d wanted to punch that insensitive father, but otherwise he was a perfect gentleman. He was sweet and kind and he sang babies to sleep in his spare time.

It wasn’t in Natasha’s nature to go begging someone to forgive her, even if she wanted their forgiveness, but as the day went on she came to realize that it wasn’t about wanting forgiveness; she wanted an explanation. Steve had insulted her right to her face and she didn’t even know why. It wasn’t as though she’d promised him romance and gone back on her word, she just never committed in the first place. If he couldn’t understand that, then there was no hope for them to begin with.

It was her desire for a _reason_ for the insults that had Natasha marching into the elevator and down to the maternity floor quite late that afternoon. When she couldn’t find Steve in the nursery or the surrounding areas, she made her way into the locker room and found him with his tshirt in hand as he got dressed. She would _not_ be distracted.

“You owe me an explanation,” she barked at him. “I haven’t done anything to you and you just _insult_ me like that? We sleep together two times and what, you’re just gonna dismiss me? I don’t play that game, Steve. I want to know why you decided I’m not good enough for you to have lunch with. _Now_.”

Steve had turned to stare down at her, his shirt still in his hands, and he looked somewhere between bewildered and amused. But when she demanded an explanation, he stalled and rubbed the back of his neck like that would give him the right answer.

“I don’t know you very well,” he said slowly. “I really don’t. I mean, you would think that I would given that we’ve slept together and everything…” Steve let out a long sigh. “But I don’t. I get that you’re not looking for a relationship and that’s fine, but I didn’t realize you were sleeping around…”

Natasha glared at him and she could feel her cheeks flush a little bit. Had he been listening to the gossip or something? Had she missed something? “I’m not sleeping around! And even if I was, it wouldn’t be any of your business! How _dare_ you judge me when you have no idea what I’m doing when I’m not with you.”

At this point, she was poking his chest with every word and wishing she’d worn higher heels that day because she felt short and small next to all his stupid, perfect bulk. “You don’t own me, you know,” she told him. “Just because you’ve fucked me once or twice!”

Steve’s eyes were wide and it wasn’t until her last bit there that he actually puffed up and stepped forward to challenge her. “All I’m saying is that I thought we had a _thing_ and then you go off with that other guy! How do you think that makes me feel?”

Natasha paused. What other guy?

“Do not tell me that you’re stupid enough to believe whatever gossip happens to be going around. Because let me tell you that I’ve heard gossip about you and it’s not all big dicks and tight asses.”

“Gossip? I don’t need gossip, Natasha, I _saw_ you!”

Natasha’s brow furrowed. “What? When? Not that it’s any of your business, but I haven’t slept with anyone else, so…”

“Yesterday on the way out,” he said firmly. “Some guy put his arm around you. I _get_ it if you don’t want a relationship or don’t want me, but you didn’t have to use me like that. I mean, if you’d just told me straight up that you don’t want a relationship with _me_ in particular, I’d understand, but you didn’t say a word. You just acted like you didn’t want a relationship with anyone and obviously that’s your right, but---”

Natasha blinked. Oh, Steve. So it was all about the fact that he’d seen her with Clint.

“Yesterday, I had dinner with my _best friend_ ,” she interrupted, holding a hand up to stop him. “My _married_ best friend, who happens to be an EMT and comes here all the time.”

For a long, long moment after that, they just stared at each other. Steve looked more than a little embarrassed and Natasha was caught between righteous indignation and anger. The thing was that as stupid as this whole miscommunication had been, she was still staring at Steve’s bare chest and while she still disliked the fact that he’d called her emotionally stunted… she wasn’t in this for the romance. She was in this for the physical act.

Maybe he was onto something there.

“Nat, I’m so sorry,” he said eventually. “I thought... I don’t know what I thought. It’s not like you’ve ever said anything about being exclusive anyway…”

“Shut up.”

Natasha pressed her lips together for a moment before turning on his heel and marching over to the door. She locked it with the flick of a wrist and turned back to him with the intention of making sure he knew that while they weren’t together, they were also entirely exclusive. The reasons behind her sudden desire to make her mark were inconsequential and she refused to think about it them, period. There was no reason to dwell, she certainly didn’t have to explain herself to Steve… so. All she needed right now was to make a statement.

“You listen to me, and listen very carefully.” Natasha slipped out of her shoes and padded back over to Steve, plucking the shirt from his hands and tossing it aside for now. “I’m not that girl. I’m not sleeping around, I’m not fucking with you for the hell of it.” Eventually, she pressed both hands against his stomach and leaned right in to look up at him.

“If I wanted something from you, I’d have it already,” she continued. “In the interest of keeping us both flush in really, really good sex, let me make this clear.” Her hands wandered up to his pecs and up even further to loop around his neck while she toyed with the hair at the back of his head and smiled. “The only person I’m sleeping with is _you_.”

Steve seemed to take her at her word, because she had her back against the lockers and his mouth on hers maybe ten seconds later. It was glorious in that nothing else seemed to matter beyond the way he was pawing at her breasts, eventually popping a button as he tried to get her blouse undone. Natasha just laughed and pulled him back for another kiss, cutting off his apology in favor of bringing her hands down to his ass and squeezing hard.

In lieu of a complaint, Steve only moaned and rocked his hips against her while he hiked up her skirt and welcomed one leg up around him. The height difference made things a little difficult and both Steve and Natasha were acutely aware that they didn’t just have a condom in their back pocket, unfortunately. Natasha was about to suggest that he get dressed so they could continue this at her place when Steve’s hand slid nimbly into the front of her panties to cup right between her legs.

Now, it wasn’t _easy,_ but Natasha managed to hold onto his shoulders and accept his eager kisses while he teased her clit. As his fingers curled and pressed into her, Natasha shuddered and moaned in encouragement, eventually pushing herself up on her toes so she could get a little more leverage. It wasn’t good enough; Steve had a good angle, but he was teasing and considering where they were, it wasn’t exactly something he could draw out. Natasha broke a kiss and looked up at him to tell him so, but he just smirked at her and ducked his head down to kiss her neck instead.

Motherfucker. He was doing it on purpose. And he knew someone could come knocking at any moment, and he didn’t _care_. Maybe he even got off on it.

Whatever the case, Natasha eventually found herself desperately rolling her hips onto two thick fingers and getting a firm palm pressed up against her clit for her trouble. When he finally let her come, her nails pressed into the meat of his shoulders as her legs wobbled beneath her and she let out a long groan despite her attempts to keep as quiet as possible. Sex with Steve was never going to be anything but amazing, was it?

Biting her bottom lip as she slowly came down from it all, Natasha glared up at him for a moment and took in that _smirk_ . Oh, he was so proud of himself. He was so _fucking_ proud of himself and all she could think of was that payback was a bitch.

“Did you like that?” He asked confidently. “Because it really looked like you enjoyed it.”

Natasha smiled dangerously. “Oh, I liked it,” she answered, trailing a finger over his chest. “But you know, staying quiet is important when you’re doing something like this and someone could knock any second and find you.”

Steve’s smile became a little suspicious as Natasha stepped a little closer to him and let her hands wander down to his waist. “Yeah,” he answered. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Leaning way up to kiss the side of his neck once, Natasha smirked a little and let out a short laugh. “Good luck staying quiet, Steve.”

See, the thing was that as much as Natasha had wanted to be a little louder a few minutes ago, Steve was so much more prone to moaning out loud and she intended to make sure that he _couldn’t_ hold back no matter how hard he tried or, at the very least, she intended to make him very well aware that she had him on the brink of giving up and letting anyone who happened by find out what was going on in the locker room.

As she slowly dropped to her knees in front of him, Natasha saw to the button and fly on his jeans and tugged them down knowing very well that Steve was already hard. Just to tease him a little bit, she traced the line of his cock through his boxers with her fingers and peered up at him as she licked her lips. She felt _playful_ , really; it was like they were playing a game, but at the same time it was very comfortable. There were no hard feelings here now that everything had been explained and there was still a big chance they were going home together.

Natasha was beginning to think that this little arrangement they had was pretty much perfect.

Eventually, his boxers were dragged down and Natasha stroked him a few times while she ducked down to mouth at the base of his cock. It was another tease, and one that had him groaning already. But that was a muffled sound and not nearly good enough for what Natasha had planned. Soon enough, she had her lips around him and while it would be impossible to swallow him all the way down, she managed to build up a comfortable rhythm to get him going.

Glancing up while she bobbed her head only managed to pull another soft moan from him, but when she turned her full attention back to the task at hand, she also found a hand gently resting at the back of her head. He didn’t push, but he did grip her hair a little bit and Natasha idly reached up to pull the clip out and loosen it for him. She wouldn’t mind as long as he wasn’t making her gag; she was just flexible like that.

It was actually when she had one hand stroking the base as she moved her head and one hand cupping his balls that Steve really held onto her hair. There was a light tug and Natasha pulled off with a pop to give him a lascivious smile and lick her lips again. Before he could say anything, she ducked back down to take him into her mouth again because she _knew_ he was close. His thighs had started to twitch a little bit and based on the growing volume of his moans, he was still trying his best to hold back.

Natasha furrowed her brow, took a deep breath through her nose, and tried to tighten her throat around him as much as she could. Swallowing hard, she moved both hands to his thighs and took pleasure in the bang of his hands hitting the lockers behind her for leverage.

“Jesus _Christ_ ,” he muttered.

That only spurred her on a little more. Natasha’s lips remained tight around him and beyond anything else, she focused on pressing her tongue against the thick vein on the underside of his cock and tracing over it with every move she made. It didn’t take him very long after Natasha swallowed a second time. Steve let out what sounded like a whimper and Natasha pulled off enough to focus her attentions on the head of his cock while her hand worked the rest.

Things hit a new level when he moaned her name out loud and let go, coming in her mouth while she continued to suck softly at the head of his cock. It wasn’t always the most pleasant thing in the world, but the _power_ and pride that came with Steve bending forward and shuddering hard as he came down from his high, one hand flying out to slam into the lockers again for a little balance. Natasha calmly cleaned him up and lifted her mouth off with a soft pop so she could look up at him--

\--and smile widely as someone knocked at the door.

“Hello? Is someone in there? Is everything okay?”

“Oh, shit.”

Natasha tried hard not to actually die laughing at that moment, especially as she watched Steve leap away from her, trip over his own two feet, and nearly fall backwards in his attempts to get dressed again. Sure, they’d been caught. But the door was locked and the gossip was going already anyway, so it wasn’t like people didn’t already think they were sleeping together. For the first time since the whole thing had started, Natasha found she almost didn’t mind.

“One second!” Steve called as he fumbled with his belt.

Natasha just smirked to herself as she shimmied her skirt down and slipped back into her shoes. It was when she was buttoning up her blouse that she realized Steve had a smear of her lipstick on his jaw and she had to admit that he looked charmingly adorable with his tussled hair and his swollen lips and the fact that he’d yet to actually find and put his tshirt on. Once he actually had put the shirt on, regrettably, Natasha waltzed up to him and reached up with one hand, idly rubbing the lipstick off his jaw with the amusement she just couldn’t bear to contain.

“You look very put together considering I’ve just had your dick in my mouth,” she told him, patting his cheek. “Should we continue this at my place?”

Steve swallowed and nodded. “My place,” he corrected, clearly hoping she wouldn’t protest.

Natasha considered it for a moment and nodded. “Your place,” she said. “Let’s go.”

They opened the door to find two interns looking at them with wide eyes. “Excuse us,” Natasha said smoothly, leading a bashful Steve between them and out into the hallway so they could make their escape. The gossip would be buzzing by Monday, but she didn’t care. Why _should_ she care? Of all the things they’d put out there about her, this had to be the least awful.

 

Back at his place, Natasha said hello to Bucky and unceremoniously led Steve into the bedroom to finish what they’d started. They nearly managed to actually get their clothing off this time, although Natasha did have one shoe on for the first half and Steve’s jeans were comically stuck on his left foot until he managed to kick them off. They also nearly fell off the bed at one point and had to take a five minute break to just laugh before they got going again.

Bucky even knocked on the door at one point and Natasha burst out laughing at the horrified look on Steve’s face as they were admonished for the amount of noise they were making.

That night, they ordered Chinese food really late and ate it sitting on Steve’s bed. As Natasha sorted through a container of lo mein, she figured she ought to find out a little more about Steve seeing as they were sleeping together on the regular now and she wasn’t panicking at the moment.

“So, I’m gonna need to hear one of your fantasies,” she said casually. “Go on, spill.”

Steve laughed as he plucked another piece of chicken out of his container. “One of my fantasies,” he repeated. “That’s a tough one…”

“Well, I already know that you’ve got a thing for almost getting caught,” she teased.

“Something I didn’t even know I’d like, by the way” he admitted. “Right. So, a fantasy. Um…” He really considered things for a few moments before snapping his fingers and grunting through a full mouth. As soon as he swallowed, he smiled widely. “I, uh… I’ve always sort of wondered what it would be like to do anal with a woman.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Of all the things,” she sighed, shaking her head. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m not thrilled. But I guess I could sort of work on it---”

“Oh. Wait, not--” Steve smiled sheepishly. “I wasn’t talking about me… in you.”

Stopping with a bite of her food halfway to her mouth, Natasha stared at him and opened her mouth to respond… only to close it all over again. He was talking about her fucking _him_?

“Oh, Steve,” she sighed. “That’s one thing I can _definitely_ make happen.”

 

The next morning, since they didn’t have to go to work, Natasha wore Steve’s tshirt and watched as he and Bucky cooked breakfast together in the kitchen. There was a lot of swearing and more than one handful of flour was thrown back and forth, but the whole scene actually comforted her. It felt like a family, and that was one thing she couldn’t ever really remember being a part of. 

“Natasha? Hello…?”

She snapped out of it just in time to find Steve sliding a plate of big, fluffy pancakes and crispy bacon onto the table in front of her. “My specialty,” he said with a little bow. “Dig in.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows at him. “You’re ridiculous,” she deadpanned even as she grabbed her knife and fork to do as he said.

“Ridiculous like a fox,” he countered from the sidelines even as Bucky snickered behind him.

But one bite in, she had to hand it to him. “Oh, these are good,” she murmured with her mouth still full. “These are _really_ good.”

Steve looked like he’d won a prize or something. “You think they’re good enough to earn me a kiss?”

Natasha rolled her eyes and him, but tipped her head back anyway. Steve leaned down to peck her on the lips and she waved him off after that so she could continue eating once she’d poured on a little more syrup. Well. If this was going to continue, she was going to need to work out a little more often; she wasn’t exactly used to homecooked meals these days, especially not homecooked meals made by two handsome men who might just get offended if she didn’t eat and happened to make food delicious enough that she _wanted_ to finish every bite anyway.

It didn’t take long for them to join her at the table and the group fell into easy conversation until Steve asked Natasha if she wanted to see a movie that day. There was this awful, palpable tension accompanied by Bucky’s judgmental silence on the other side of the table, but Natasha thought it was a little more dramatic than necessary. She could see a movie with Steve. As it turned out, she could also split a pizza with him for lunch and let him come up to her place for a little afternoon fun. In fact, until the time she said goodbye to Steve that evening, Natasha had hardly realized they were spending so much time together and it wasn’t until she landed on the couch in her robe and that she also realized… she’d had a lot of fun with him.

Imagine that.


	6. Chapter 6

Finally. 

Finally, Natasha had found someone who understood her.

Steve had taken to their little arrangement like a duck to water. It was all the wonderful things that came with a relationship (the sex, the company, cuddling up with someone at night) without all the terrible things that made Natasha desperate to avoid a real relationship (talks about the future, expectations, all that difficult romantic shit). She felt like they were really coming into their own over the next couple of weeks and that wasn’t even including the number of times they’d made out in her office or that one memorable time that Sam had walked in on them kissing in the elevator.

They ate lunch together every chance they got and Natasha was proud to say that she knew all kinds of things about Steve now. She learned that his family hadn’t had much money when he was a kid and that the number of ailments he’d dealt with was in the double digits. She learned that he’d been bullied and that he had a tendency to get into fights that Bucky would inevitably pull him out of. She also learned that he’d been in love exactly once before, back in high school with a girl who moved to England before they lost touch entirely.

She learned that his father had died when he was eight and that Steve didn’t miss ‘the bastard’ not one bit, and she learned that his mother was kind of a hero in his eyes for raising him alone after that. She’d worked two jobs to take care of him and get all the meds he needed back in the day, and she still managed to be there for him when he needed her. To be frank, Natasha had no problem listening to his stories, but she had zero interest in meeting the woman herself.

And that was fine! As long as they maintained their boundaries, they’d be  _ fine _ .

Steve’s one flaw seemed to be that he was so completely  _ unashamed _ of what they had that he would drift across that solid line Natasha had set up between them and be entirely unaware of the fact that he was even doing anything wrong. Usually it was something small, but over ice cream after work one day (because Natasha had a craving and Steve promised to treat her to a cone) he asked something that threw her entirely off guard.

“So, are you going to that benefit they’re throwing?” He wondered as they walked down the street. “I heard Stark’s pulling out all the stops.”

“No surprise there,” she muttered. “I think I’m contractually obligated to go as Pepper’s friend.”

It wasn’t that she didn't want to go, but there was inevitably some older doctor who had one too many glasses of champagne and either tried to flirt with her or got a little too handsy. The conversation was usually dull too, not that Natasha talked to very many people or stayed longer than she absolutely needed to. Pepper was usually the one who organized the whole thing, so if she needed something taken care of, Natasha happily volunteered to help rather than socializing with whoever happened to show up that year.

“Oh, so you’re definitely going because you don’t wanna piss off the scary redhead,” he quipped. Steve had gone head to head with Pepper enough to know that crossing her was a very, very bad idea. “You think we could go together?”

And there it was.

Natasha immediately wanted to remind him that no, they couldn’t go together because that would mean they were an actual couple and going public with it all at once. She wanted to remind him that going together would probably be considered a date, which would also be their first one as they’d yet to actually go on a date together. But this was Steve, and Steve probably thought nothing of it other than that he intended to spend that night at her side.

“We could share a cab,” she said smoothly. “How’s that sound?”

Steve really did look like he’d hoped for more, but he smiled and nudged her arm a little. “Sounds great to me,” he answered. “I can’t wait to see you all dolled up.”

“All dolled up?” She laughed. “Really?”

“Well, you know.” Steve shrugged a little. “I was told it was a black tie affair.”

Natasha had a feeling that Steve would look really good all done up in a suit with a little bow tie. She even smiled at the thought, though she kept it to herself until he nudged her arm again. “Yes,” she chuckled. “Yes, it is. I’ve got a black gown all ready to go.”

“You’re wearing black too? What a coincidence! We’ll match.”

“Shocking,” she answered sarcastically. “Does this mean I’m going to see some of those mediocre dancing skills you mentioned?”

Steve actually looked surprised and Natasha wondered if that was because she was willing to dance with him in front of other people. It would be stupid to get all bent out of shape about something so simple; a lot of people danced at these benefits, so no one would suspect a thing anyway. Besides, she wanted to know how bad he was so she could make fun of him for it- in a completely playful way, of course. It wasn’t like she was setting out to hurt him.

Sighing heavily, he gave her a look and nodded. “If you really want to dance with me, then I guess I have no choice,” he answered. “That’s one opportunity I’m not going to just pass up.”

“Well, aren’t you a charmer,” she teased. “I’m sure plenty of people will want to dance with you.”

Steve shrugged. “Maybe,” he muttered. “I’m not really looking to dance with anyone else.”

Natasha very nearly stopped there on the sidewalk, but she soldiered through it in order to keep up appearances. It was a good thing that Steve wasn't looking for anyone else to dance with, right? It wasn't like she wanted him to dance with anyone else, so why not take that at face value?

Besides, Steve had been patient with her. Natasha might not be willing to sacrifice her beliefs and all that, but she wasn't a cruel person. She wasn't going to keep torturing him when he clearly needed something more than she was actually giving him.

“Good thing you won’t have to, then,” she answered as casually as she could.

Natasha would dance with others if she felt obligated to since it was kind of a professional event, but other than that… she would be content in Steve’s arms all night long no matter how much she wanted to convince herself otherwise. He probably wasn’t even as bad a dancer as he’d said; he was just modest like that.

 

On the day of the event, Natasha decided to get herself a manicure and a pedicure, and she had her hair done as well. Instead of just pinning it back in the simplest way she could so it wasn’t in the way while she was working, she had it parted neatly to the side and blown into smooth curls that tumbled over her shoulders. With her lips and nails all painted red, she felt like the black dress she’d chosen was an even better match to complete the look and slipped into it with ease once she’d swiped a bit of eyeliner and mascara on as well.

The dress itself was actually very simple. It had thin straps that led down to a relaxed, rounded top that definitely accentuated her breasts—maybe Natasha wouldn’t have gone with it had she not assumed Steve would be there when she bought the thing as it was a little daring for a work function. But she had seen others wear less and it did keep her modest from there down, falling in a soft line all the way down to the floor. She paired it with a delicate bracelet and a matching necklace that dipped down between her breasts, as well as a pair of killer black heels, and by the time she really looked at her reflection in the mirror, she was pleased.

Steve texted her from about a block away and Natasha grabbed her purse so she could head downstairs to meet him, as promised. Of course, she expected a cab. There was no reason on earth to expect that she would find Steve standing proudly beside a shiny black car he’d clearly rented for the evening. Why was he so sweet? Natasha found it hard to see things like this as done with sincerity.

With all that aside, she had to admit that he looked fantastic. The suit fit him like a glove and his broad shoulders and unfairly small waist were just made a little more dramatic by the lines of the suit itself.

“Well, don’t you look handsome,” she teased lightly. “You didn’t have to get a car, you know.”

Steve looked like he might have swallowed his tongue. “Uh—No, I know. I just figured it’d be nice, that’s all.” He licked his lips as she came to stand right in front of him and Natasha smiled in amusement. “You look beautiful,” he told her. “You ever think about becoming a model?”

Natasha laughed. “No, have you?”

Steve chuckled in return and shook his head. “Can’t say that I have.”

Snapping out of it like he’d nearly forgotten about the car, Steve turned to open the door for her and offered his hand to help her in. She didn’t need it, but she took it anyway. Once they were comfortably seated, the driver pulled out and Natasha turned back to Steve.

“You really do clean up nice,” she commented, reaching out to adjust his tie a little bit. “If you try really hard, I bet no one would even know you’re from Brooklyn.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” He laughed. “You mean I shouldn’t just start tawkin’ like ‘dis, like I was born in fuckin’ Bensonhoist?”

Natasha let out a peal of laughter as he really played up an overdone Brooklyn accent and made wide gestures to go along with it. “Stop,” she said playfully. “Stop!”

“Why? C’mon, babe, you’re tellin’ me I oughta not sound like I’m from Brooklyn?” He scoffed, though he couldn’t quite keep the smile off his face for very long at all. “Wha’s wron’ wit’ soundin’ like ‘dis, huh?”

Natasha was going to ruin her makeup. Steve looked and sounded ridiculous and she was laughing so hard it felt like she might tear up. “Oh my God, stop,” she said again, shoving his shoulder.

Steve leaned forward and wiggled his eyebrows at her. “I’ll stop if ya give me a lil’ suga’.”

What the ever loving fuck. Natasha snorted and covered her face with both hands. “You’re  _ ridiculous _ ,” she accused. “You’re not getting any ‘suga’ from me, no way.”

“Aw, c’mon. Lay one on me, sweetheart.”

He was grinning so much that the words came with a particular brand of boyish charm so wonderful that Natasha nearly admitted to loving it right then and there. In lieu of that particularly horrifying thought, she leaned in real close to him and reached up to hold his jaw.

“Если вы настаиваете”, she murmured, sealing their lips together for a prolonged kiss that left her a little out of breath by the time she pulled away.

Poor Steve looked dizzy and straightened his tie with the resolve of a man who was not going to have sex in the back of a car with some stranger sitting in the front seat. Natasha straightened herself out and crossed her legs at the knee as she smoothed her hands over her skirt. It wasn't until she noticed him shifting in his seat and trying to hide something that she smirked triumphantly. 

“Was it the kiss or the Russian?” She mused eventually.

Steve shook his head in confusion. “It was all very good,” he admitted with a sigh.

 

By the time they arrived at Stark Tower and joined the line of cars waiting to drop off the guests, Steve had calmed down and Natasha was just feeling smug. They headed up the steps together and made their way into the main lobby, where they were ushered into a large elevator with a crowd of other people they didn't recognize to head upstairs.

The doors opened up into a large hallway with a coat check and they walked behind the rest of the crowd around a corner and into a massive ballroom. The decorations were clearly very expensive; shimmery and silver, just about everything around them screamed ‘modern’. The glass bar and the elegant waiter that smoothly offered them glasses of champagne screamed something else, but that was just Stark’s style.

“Oh, good. You made it.” Pepper swept right up to them wearing this unbelievable blue gown that dipped way down her back and left it bare for the world to see- or for Tony to see, more importantly.

“Of course I made it,” Natasha answered dryly. “I wouldn’t risk missing this and falling out of your favor.”

Pepper tutted and glanced around, seemingly looking for someone. “Oh, hush. You know you love these parties. Free drinks and rich, handsome men you’re completely disinterested in…” She glanced over to Steve. “Although this time it seems you’ve brought your own handsome man.”

Steve grinned. “Nice to see you too, Ms. Potts.”

“Pep, who are you looking for?”

“What? No one.” Pepper settled down immediately and shrugged a little. “What makes you think I’m looking for someone?”

Natasha glanced up at Steve to make sure he’d seen the same thing she had. “Nothing, I guess,” she answered knowingly. “Just a hunch.”

That little exchange just made Pepper’s reaction to Tony showing up a few moments later all the more amusing. She looked positively annoyed by his presence, which only cemented Natasha’s belief that she was very, very into him.

“Hello, everyone,” he greeted, visibly settling a hand on Pepper’s back. “I don’t think I have to introduce myself, but who do we have here?”

Pepper cleared her throat and gestured to the amused couple standing in front of her. “This is Natasha Romanoff, one of our most talented surgeons, and Steve Rogers, a promising nurse in the maternity ward.”

“A nurse, huh?” Tony took a gulp of the drink in his hand and sized Steve up. “Didn’t want to go for the MD?”

Steve’s brow furrowed a little bit and Natasha had to bite her tongue. “I’m content being a nurse,” he said calmly. “Less politics to deal with.”

Tony slapped his arm and laughed. “You’re goddamn right about that, my man.” He turned to glance around at the dance floor and Steve took a nearly imperceptible step forward. Natasha stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm before Tony turned back around.

“So,” he continued as he took another sip, “What about you? Are you gonna drag your man around the dance floor?”

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him a little bit. Her man? Really? “I’m certainly going to try,” she answered smoothly. “He’s not a big fan of dancing.”

Tony looked Steve over again and scoffed. “Never would have guessed.” He turned to Pepper and smiled widely, smoothly setting his empty glass down on the tray of a waiter passing by. “Would you do me the honor?”

Pepper waved him off a little bit. “Oh, I couldn’t possibly—“

“Come on,” he tried, giving her a smooth, charming smile. “I promise, I'm a good dancer.”

She wanted to. Natasha very nearly rolled her eyes because a second later, Pepper’s hand was in Tony’s and he was spinning her once on their way to the dance floor. “I feel like Pepper’s going to marry a billionaire,” she commented. “I guess if you’re going to get married, that’s the way to do it.”

“And marry that guy? He's an ass,” Steve mumbled, clearly still kind of smarting from Tony's comments.

“Careful,” she teased as she watched Pepper try to relax as she danced, although there were likely a lot of people looking at them. “We might be seeing a lot more of him very, very soon.”

Steve sighed. “In the meantime,” he said boldly. “Should we try to dance?”

He was looking sincere again. Natasha kind of wanted to tease him and say that she wasn’t going to  _ try _ as she actually knew how to dance, but she bit her tongue and took the hand he offered her so he could lead her onto the dance floor. As she took her position with her hand resting on his shoulder, Natasha wondered if maybe Steve was being dramatic about his dancing abilities. A lot of men didn’t like to dance, in her experience, and most of them were at least  _ okay _ at it… but when Steve’s eyes dropped down to his feet and he carefully started to move them in an awkward back and forth kind of thing, Natasha knew it hadn’t been bullshit or false modesty- the guy couldn’t dance.

“This is bad, isn’t it?” He sighed. “I’m sorry, I just never really figured it out, you know?”

In an oddly compassionate moment, Natasha smiled and stopped them. “You just need to loosen up a little bit,” she told him. “Relax. I’m not judging you on your dance moves.” Some people just couldn’t. Some people never had the opportunity. Some people just weren’t meant to dance very much. It wasn’t like that reflected on who he was as a person. 

Instead of taking the traditional pose, she wrapped her arms very loosely around his neck and instructed him to hold her waist when the song switched to a slower piece. “Follow my lead.”

Steve still glanced down every now and then, but he managed to keep up with the slow steps she started and eventually they were able to just sway like all the other couples. Unfortunately for Natasha, the close proximity and the atmosphere seemed to loosen Steve’s tongue a little more than she might have hoped. 

“You really do look beautiful,” he told her at some point. “Every other guy here has to be so jealous of me right now.”

“Or scared for your life, depending on who you ask,” she quipped. “Don’t think too much about it. I came with you because I like spending time with you, end of story.” 

Steve smiled widely and Natasha could have sworn that he leaned down with the intent of kissing her. Thankfully, he thought better of it and stood up straight again to keep them moving. Maybe Natasha was okay with attending this event at his side, but kissing in public? In front of their colleagues? No, public displays of affection  _ in general _ made people uncomfortable; at a work event, it was just in bad taste. Besides, she wasn’t exactly comfortable with the idea that people would think they were dating when they weren’t. Because they  _ weren’t _ .

When the song ended, Natasha suggested they get a drink and they wandered over to the bar while Pepper called all attention to the front of the room where she and Tony would say a few words- separately, she noticed, although Pepper was smiling a good deal more than she had when Tony first showed up. As Pepper thanked everyone for coming and announced that they’d already raised quite a bit more than the year before, Steve leaned into Natasha a little bit with whiskey on his breath and she could feel him smiling before he even said a word.

“Not to be too bold, but I really can’t wait to get that dress off you.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows and smiled in amusement. “What makes you think you’ll be taking it off me?” She whispered back. “I don’t remember agreeing to that.”

Steve brushed his fingers over her back and traced down her spine until he could rest his hand on the curve of her ass. Thankfully, it was all hidden by their positioning near the bar, but she still found herself surprised that he would even attempt something like this- and in public!

“What’s gotten into you tonight?” She teased as she sipped her martini. “You’re awfully handsy.”

“Are you saying you don’t like it?”

Natasha smiled and set her glass down on the bar so she could turn to face him, thereby dislodging the hand on her ass. “I’m not saying anything like that,” she said easily.

“So you do like it,” he laughed. “One point in my favor.”

Natasha rolled her eyes at him and lightly shoved his shoulder as Tony got up to speak to the crowd gathered before him. He was louder and more brash than Pepper was, but he got his point across and encouraged more charitable giving and the like. It was encouraging in that everyone knew he’d donated  _ plenty _ , so he wasn’t just talking about it for the hell of it. When he wrapped up with an announcement that he’d be personally funding a complete renovation of the ER, Natasha turned her attention to the front for a moment while Steve casually slid his hand between her waist and the bar. It was the lightest brush of his lips against her shoulder that had Natasha turning back to give him a warning look.

“Bold,” she told him, tapping his chest and taking her martini to swallow the rest of it down.

Steve just smiled and knocked back the rest of his whiskey. “How long do you usually stay at these things?”

Natasha glanced back towards the bar and signaled for a second drink. “Oh, as long as it takes me to woo one of these millionaires into asking me to come home with them.”

Silence. She looked back and found Steve trying to negotiate answering her appropriately without actually asking if she  _ really _ went home with old millionaires. “It was a joke, Steve.”

“Ha! Right, I know that,” he laughed quickly. “I know, I was just playing the part,  _ hey _ ! Should we go see the view from the balcony before we leave?”

Nice way to change the subject. “Sure,” she agreed. “Let’s go.” She grabbed her second martini and led the way out to the balcony, which was entirely abandoned thanks to how far up they were and how chilly it happened to be that evening. Natasha shivered a little bit and Steve immediately offered his jacket, but she said she was fine without it. How would  _ that _ look when they went back inside?

Leaning back against the wall to admire the view over the city, Natasha almost immediately found Steve standing in front of her. She had to admit; he was a better sight than the city and now that her obligation to Pepper was pretty much done, she had little concern for staying that much longer. Martini in one hand, she reached out for Steve’s lapel and pulled him into a long kiss right there up against the wall. He crowded in close as he kissed her and his hands found her hips even as she wrapped that one arm around his neck. 

By the time he pulled back, they were both panting and their breath mingled for several long, heated moments before Natasha pulled him in a second time. When he pulled back again, Natasha let he head fall back and slowly brought her martini between them to finish it off. Drinking down every last drop, she let the glass fall into the bottom of a potted plant beside them and pulled Steve in by both lapels this time, eventually sliding her arms under his jacket both for warmth and the opportunity to rake her nails over Steve’s back. Even with his shirt between them, Steve was impossibly warm and he groaned into her mouth as she dug her nails into his back for a moment or two. 

Steve eventually broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers while they caught their breath. Natasha found that despite the intimacy of the situation and how suddenly she wanted him, she fully intended to go along with this. 

“Steve?”

He opened his eyes again and licked his lips. “Yeah?”

“Take me home.”

Pepper was too distracted with Tony and whoever they were standing with at the moment for Natasha to say goodbye, so she caught Sam on the way out and asked him to tell her that they’d left. Obviously Sam would figure out what was going on if he hadn’t already, but that was fine. He wasn’t going to tell anyone.

Once they were settled in the car, Steve asked the driver to take them back to his place in Brooklyn and actually slid his hand into Natasha’s, lacing their fingers together in such a way that she knew somewhere deep down that he really did like her. He probably liked her much more than he was supposed to and if she had been a good person, she might have stopped this whole thing immediately because he was going to get hurt in the end.

 

But she didn’t.

 

Instead, she let him hold her hand and kiss her and touch her thigh until they reached his house again. She let him lead her right past Bucky, who looked up and whistled as they went by, and she made the decision to step out of her heels and drop her purse as he closed the door to his room. When he kissed her again, she let him pull the straps of her dress off her shoulders and let him admire the lacy black underwear she’d worn. She even hopped up with his help and wrapped her legs around his waist while he supported her with two hands under her ass. 

It felt different this time and Natasha didn’t know why. She couldn’t imagine a steady definition for perfect sex, but when Steve slid home, her back arched up off the bed so much that he could wrap his arms around her waist with no trouble at all and pull her up onto his lap as he sat back. As they moved together, Natasha’s lips parted in soft, breathless pants only echoed by those coming from Steve. Her fingers slid into his hair to pull his head back and she ducked down, leaving a sizable mark on the side of his neck because all of a sudden, she wanted someone out there to know that he was taken.

When it was all over, Natasha let Steve pull her close, rested her head comfortably on his chest, and let her arm rest over his stomach. This felt right, even with his fingers toying with her hair, even considering the fact that he’d held her close as he came. If she didn’t know any better, she might have said that they’d just made love. The very thought was a little terrifying; she couldn’t maintain control over this relationship if she went and did something stupid like falling in love.

With all that said, she slept like a baby all through the night and woke up the next morning curled up in Steve’s warm spot with a pillow tucked under her head and two blankets wrapped around her. Again, Steve wasn’t there, but she wasn’t surprised. He was an early bird and he was usually making breakfast by now with Bucky at his side. Natasha took her time getting up; she wandered into the bathroom to make sure she looked semi-presentable, grabbed Steve’s button down shirt from the night before, and headed outside to seek out breakfast and coffee.

But halfway down the hall, she heard something that made her stop right there and put her back to the wall. Natasha knew it wasn’t right to eavesdrop, but she couldn’t just walk in there while they were in the middle of a conversation like that one, especially since then she and Steve would have to talk about it and everything would be ruined.

“I don’t know, Buck,” she heard Steve say. “It’s different with her. She’s incredible. Even if I took a second to forget how mind-numbingly gorgeous she is, she’s also intelligent and funny and it just works with us. I don’t know how or why, but it works.”

“She’s also not exactly openly dating you,” Bucky added. Natasha made a face. “Isn’t that a red flag? I mean, if a guy did that then I assume it would seem suspicious…”

“I’m not looking past that because she’s a woman... I just think she’s been through some things and she’s nervous, that’s all. I know she likes me, Bucky.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Something else made a sound and she realized belatedly that it was an egg being cracked on the rim of a bowl. So they were making breakfast; they were just also having a deep conversation at the same time. “How do you know that?”

Steve sighed. “I can’t explain it,” he said after a moment. “I just know she does. And last night, it felt like… It felt like the words were gonna come out. Which probably would have fucked everything up, so. I’m glad I didn’t say anything.”

“But you do love her.” 

Steve shushed Bucky immediately and Natasha held her breath while her heart started to beat faster. He loved her? Did he  _ love _ her? 

“She’s only in the other room, you know,” Steve whispered fiercely. “Mind keeping your voice down?”

She could practically feel Bucky rolling his eyes. “You’d better know what you’re doing here, Steve,” he sighed heavily. “Maybe she’s got shit of her own, but that doesn’t mean she gets to hurt you.”

Natasha didn’t  _ want _ to hurt him. She just wanted to enjoy his company and spend time with him and have really great sex. But knowing that they’d both felt something different the night before was enough to make her rethink her attempts at her supposedly ideal relationship. Steve was a good person… and she was going to hurt him. She never should have let him take her home last night. 

On tiptoe, she returned to Steve’s room and sat down on the bed for a moment. She looked around at the art supplies resting in one corner, the sketchbook left open to a half finished drawing of Bucky he’d probably been working on before the gala yesterday. She looked at the open closet door and the weights in a neat row nearby. Steve didn’t deserve this. She was too fucked up for a normal relationship and he could do so much better. He could find someone who was able to love him in the way he needed to be loved.

But right now, she had to get out there like nothing was wrong and sit through breakfast with two people who might hate her in a few days. Natasha took another trip to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face before making her way out of the room again.

They made eggs, bacon, and toast for breakfast. Natasha ate and said that she needed to get home, which was only met by Steve awkwardly asking if she wanted to do something later that day. She turned him down this time feigning a headache from the night before even though she’d only had two martinis and tried to ignore the pointed, knowing look Bucky was giving her from the couch as she passed by.

That Monday, she avoided Steve at all costs and this time, she wasn’t going to apologize for it. She was going to put an end to this before things got any more complicated.


	7. Chapter 7

It took Steve exactly two weeks, four days, and ten minutes to crack. 

Natasha had successfully avoided him for ages, but they did work in the same building and she was going to have to speak to him again eventually. When she finally did, which happened to be in the lobby one particular morning, she acted like nothing was wrong and avoided her reflection in the mirror later on because it was a little too easy to pretend.

Every time he asked her to do something with him or go somewhere with him, she was busy. Every time he wanted to have lunch, she feigned a lot of work and teased that he’d have to eat without her. Every time he showed up on her floor during the day, she made herself look very busy and said she just couldn’t get any time away right now. It was cruel and she knew that; Steve hadn’t done anything unkind or untoward, he certainly didn’t deserve treatment like this, but she had to stop this little relationship in its tracks before things got too serious.

Really, she was doing this for his own good.

But when Steve cracked, he cracked in a big way. Natasha had been eating a sad salad all alone in her office when he marched in without knocking, slammed the door behind him, and put his hands on her desk while he leaned forward to address her. 

“What the fuck, Natasha?”

Still getting over the initial surprise, Natasha sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Is there a problem?” 

Steve looked like he wanted to yell at her or something, but he held back just enough to keep his voice down. “Why have you been avoiding me?” 

“Oh, please. I haven’t been  _ avoiding _ you,” she answered. “I talked to you this morning.”

“But you said you were too busy for lunch and here we are, and you don’t look real busy to me.”

Natasha didn’t like it when people pointed out harmless little fibs. If she had rejected Steve outright, would he still insist? He’d been pretty persistent in the beginning, after all.

“Saying I’m busy is a lot nicer than the alternative,” she pointed out. 

Steve frowned. “The alternative being that you just don’t want to?”

Natasha shrugged and watched as his shoulders fell a little bit. “I’m entitled to that, aren’t I?”

“Well, yeah, but--”

“But what?”

Natasha inwardly berated herself for this. She was pushing away the only man who’d ever even come close to really understanding her. He might be the one chance she had at a happy ending that included growing old with someone beside her and she was  _ forcibly _ pushing him away. Did it mean anything that she was doing this for him? Because she could let him keep thinking that things would change; if she didn’t care about him, she would have.

“I don’t understand.” His hands slowly slid off the desk as he stood up straight again. “Why?”

“Things change.”

Steve shook his head like he just flat out refused to believe that Natasha was telling the truth. Of course, she  _ wasn’t _ telling the truth, but the fact that he was suspicious gave her pause. Natasha knew she was a good liar; did Steve really know her well enough to know when she was lying?

“That’s bullshit,” he answered. “Total bullshit.”

Natasha sighed. “The truth is that I don’t have to give you a reason,” she said bluntly. “I don’t want to have lunch with you, I’m too busy to have lunch with you. Whatever it is, I’m allowed to say no and you just have to accept that.”

The look on Steve’s face before he left was something that stayed with Natasha for the rest of the day and long into the night. Yes, it was for his own good, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d just made a very big mistake. She’d never been with anyone so forgiving and patient before; honestly, it kind of made her think that there was something he was hiding. What could he possibly want from her that she wasn’t already giving him? They were sleeping together, she had told him that it was only him. Was it all that love business?

Of course, deep down she knew that these were her issues coming into play. Natasha couldn’t remember the last time she’d told anyone that she loved them; she was beginning to think she didn’t know how that felt. Maybe she wasn’t capable of that kind of love.

 

Another two weeks passed and Natasha realized that she missed him. Eating lunch alone was so much less satisfying than listening to him talk about the new babies he’d helped deliver or how nice his morning run had been or how gross he thought her sushi was even after all that time. Natasha often found herself glancing at the chair he’d preferred and just sighing to herself. The sudden drop in her sex life took a toll as well; Natasha missed his lips and his hands and the  _ satisfaction _ that came from a good couple of rounds with him. On some days, she’d even admit to herself that she missed curling up with him afterwards. He was always so warm and on chilly nights, she just knew that cuddling with him would have been even better.

In all this time, Pepper had officially taken Tony on as her… well, it was a little strange to call him her boyfriend based on the fact that Natasha never actually saw them talk in a way that wasn’t professional, but they were definitely sleeping together and Tony had taken Pepper out on a series of very expensive dates. Their latest one had included a flight to France.

Natasha sought her out one Monday morning after yet another weekend spent mostly alone.

“I still have no idea why you ended things with him,” Pepper said. “He’s so sweet, and he likes you so much. Nat, you know you deserve to have someone, right?”

“It’s not about deserving anything,” she sighed. “I’ve never been able to do this before. Who says I’ll be able to do it this time? And this time, I actually… wanted it to work. It was too much pressure.”

Pepper gave her a disbelieving look. “You thrive on pressure and you know it.”

“Not that  _ kind _ of pressure.”

But she knew Pepper was right. Natasha didn’t like to admit it when she was scared, but the idea that Steve might actually love her for who she was didn’t compute. It had to be that he saw something that wasn’t there or maybe he thought that love would heal all her wounds and save her or something… Whatever it was, it couldn’t be that what he felt was real and genuine.

That same day, Natasha was doing her usual rounds and one of her nurses, Gemma, approached her in order to get her opinion on a patient brought in just half an hour ago. Apparently her neighbor found her passed out in the kitchen and called an ambulance to bring her in. She hadn’t had a heart attack, but the ER staff admitted her for observation because she was suffering from severe atrial fibrillation and hadn’t been previously diagnosed. She also hit her head in the fall and reported a bit of nausea and dizziness, so they were also watching her in case she had a concussion.

“I’ll check in on her myself,” Natasha agreed, taking the clipboard from her nurse. “Thank you.”

They had been oddly quiet about the whole thing. Natasha wondered if maybe the nurses had found someone else to gossip about, or maybe they just figured there was no point in trying to figure out what had happened between Natasha and Steve. Either way, she was glad that the gossip seemed to be focused elsewhere.

Once she’d checked all the notes from the ER and pulled up the test results on her computer to see them herself, she decided that this woman had probably passed out due to the AF itself. There were no signs of an infarction or a stroke, so that was good… but she needed to be monitored on the regular and she needed to be put on medication for that arrhythmia. Checking the name quickly, Natasha made her way down the hall and knocked on the door before giving the older woman a warm smile. Her bedside manner came from years of practice during her residency, etc. Natasha hadn’t been very good at it in the beginning.

“Hi, my name is Dr. Romanoff. I’ll be your attending while you’re here with us.”

“Oh, it’s nice to meet you, dear,” she answered. “But I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I got a little dizzy and lost my footing, that’s all. I’d really like to get home.” 

Natasha felt for her, honestly. Sarah here was only sixty five; she had plenty more years to come and to be stuck in a hospital like this wasn’t exactly encouraging. 

“Mrs. Rogers, we have to keep you under observation for now because you’re showing signs of a concussion, and because we found an irregularity in your heart.” She sat down on the edge of the bed and offered a calming smile. “But we’re going to take care of you, okay? I’m going to order a couple more tests and then we can discuss options. I don’t want you to worry about a thing.”

Frowning a little, Sarah sighed and leaned her head back. “Thank you, doctor,” she offered in resignation. “Do you know if anyone called my son? He must be very busy, but I know he would want to be here.”

Natasha stood right back up. “I don’t know, but I’ll find out right away,” she answered. “Is there anything I can get you for now?”

Sarah smiled. “Water would be nice,” she requested. Natasha happily retrieved fresh water and a cup for her, and slid the tray over her bed so she could drink something. “Thank you.”

Leaving the room, Natasha wandered over to the nurse’s station and set the chart down so she could find the listing for Sarah’s emergency contact. Steve Rogers. Natasha blinked. What were the chances that Steve’s mother would be one of her patients? It was confirmed a moment later when she checked her own phone to be sure that the number in the chart and the number she had for Steve matched, and that was it. Suddenly whatever weirdness there was between them didn’t matter because his mother was in the hospital and Natasha had to tell him.

She rushed down to the maternity floor as fast as she could and found Steve with a baby in his arms and a smile on his face. It was a shame to disturb him, but Natasha knew this couldn’t wait. “Steve,” she said quietly. “I need to talk to you, right now.”

Steve looked up and his smile fell a little bit. “I’m kind of busy,” he answered, indicating the sleeping baby in his arms. “Can it wait?”

“No,” she said honestly. “No, it can’t wait. I need you right now.”

She watched as he sighed and stood up, carefully placing the child back into their little carrier and exiting the room with her in tow. “What could be so important that you had to interrupt me in the middle of a shift?” He asked. “I was  _ working _ .”

“Steve, your mother was admitted on my floor about half an hour ago,” she said quietly. “She’s stable. But she asked for you. I didn’t know who she was until I checked the file.”

His face just  _ fell _ . Natasha knew that he was close to his mother, but watching the realization sink in that she was admitted to a hospital on the cardiac floor was just… awful. He turned and bolted for the stairs with Natasha right behind him and within six minutes flat, she was showing him to his mother’s room and following him inside.

“Ma, what-- I didn’t get the call, I’m so sorry--”

Steve rushed right to her side, landed on the edge of the bed, and enveloped her in a big hug.

“It’s alright, I’m  _ fine _ ,” Sarah insisted as she returned Steve’s embrace.

When he sat back, he took her hand and turned his gaze to Natasha. “What’s wrong? Is she gonna be okay? You said she was stable, so why’s she still here?”

Natasha stepped forward and went into doctor mode. “She fainted and was brought here by ambulance. There’s no cardiac damage and it wasn’t a stroke, but we’ve discovered that she does have atrial fibrillation and she needs to be monitored for a concussion as well. She’ll need to be put on medication for the a-fib.”

Steve nodded and let out a breath as he turned back to his mother. “Have you been feeling badly in the past few weeks?” He asked her. “Tell me the truth.”

Sarah tutted and patted his hand. “Nothing that needed to be complained about,” she said easily. “A little headache here and there, I was dizzy a few times. I’m not going to call you about every little thing.”

“Ma, you should have told me,” he insisted, but he was so gentle about it that Sarah just smiled and reached up to touch his cheek.

“You can’t be worrying about me all the time, Steve.” She laughed softly as Steve groaned and leaned into her touch a little bit. The whole thing was very sweet; so sweet, in fact, that Natasha inched her way towards the door and left them alone for the time being. Honestly, the fact that she’d hurt Steve made it a little difficult to look his mother in the eye.

Instead, she headed into her office to further look through her chart for any allergies and whatnot before she described the side effects to Steve and his mother. The decision was made that Coumadin was the right option and Natasha put a request through to the pharmacy before beginning to type up her notes for her first impressions. She was still typing when Steve knocked and poked his head in asking if he could speak to her. Of course, she indicated for him to come in and sit down; the poor guy looked more defeated than she’d anticipated.

“So, a-fib,” he began. “I know what it is, but I’m asking your professional opinion. Is she going to be okay?”

Natasha understood that she had to be honest here, but the thought of telling Steve that his mother was at risk now… It wasn’t good, alright? She wasn’t made of stone.

“She’s at increased risk for strokes and in the very long run, heart failure,” she explained. “I’m putting her on blood thinners that have to be monitored and regulated so she isn’t taking too much and isn’t taking too little.”

Steve looked like he might be sick and Natasha reached out to touch his hand, but fell short at the last minute and pressed her lips together. “It’s not a death sentence, Steve,” she added. “But we have to keep an eye on her.”

“Can she keep coming back to you? I know you don’t usually see patients that way, but I’ve never liked that quack she insists on seeing and I trust your judgement.”

“If she’s comfortable with it, then I’m sure I can make time to see her whenever she needs to be seen,” she answered. There was no hesitation, not a moment wherein Natasha thought she might say anything otherwise. No matter what went on between them all because of her, Steve was a friend and this was more important than their little arrangement. “I know this is a lot to take in, but there’s no reason she can’t still live a completely full, happy life.”

Steve nodded and let out a deep sigh. “It’s just that she took care of me when I was sick, you know?” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I wanna make sure she’s got the best care there is and when it comes to cardiology, you’re always gonna be the one I go to.”

Natasha smiled a little. “Well, thank you. I appreciate the fact that you trust me so fully.”

It was ironic that he did, wasn’t it? He probably trusted her as a doctor, but not as a person. Given the fact that she’d basically cut him entirely out of her life without a rhyme or reason, that was expected. She wouldn’t trust herself either.

“I have to get back,” he mumbled. “You’ll keep an eye on her for me?”

Natasha got up as he did and eventually reached out to touch his shoulder. “I promise, I’ll keep an eye on her,” she said firmly. “Go on. I’ll call you if I need you up here.”

Steve thanked her again and left the floor to get back to his own duties. Natasha took that opportunity to procure some Coumadin from the nurses’ station and head right into Sarah’s room to explain what they were going to do as far as drug therapy went.

“The biggest mistake we could make here is not monitoring the level of Coumadin in your blood,” she explained. “So I’m going to need to see you every two weeks without fail until it’s level, and then at least once a month unless you notice any strange bleeding. Steve’s asked me to stay on call for you, so that means that anytime you’re feeling off or you need  _ anything _ at all, you call me.”

Natasha took a business card out of her pocket and pressed it into Sarah’s hand. “This is my private number written on the back. I don’t want you getting caught up in the hospital directory.”

“Oh, that’s so nice of you,” she answered. “Are you good friends with my Steve?”

God. How was she supposed to answer that? “We’re pretty close,” she said cautiously. “We have lunch together every now and then. He’s an amazing nurse. I don’t think I’ve ever seen babies take to anyone the way they take to him.”

Sarah smiled proudly. Steve was so obviously her pride and joy and it just about killed Natasha to know that if Sarah knew what she’d done, she’d disapprove. “I think after all he went through in the army, he really wanted to do something that wouldn’t ever hurt anyone,” she mused. “Helping bring life into the world is one of the purest things someone can do.”

Natasha glanced over to the nightstand and finally noticed the rosary sitting atop Sarah’s belongings. Ah, that made sense. “It’s hard to imagine Steve ever hurting someone,” she admitted. “I think any of the nurses here would tell you the same thing. He’s got a lot of fans here.”

“Oh, I’m sure he does,” she laughed. “Not that he’ll notice them, I’m sure. My boy has never been the type to--”

“Sarah!”

Both women jumped a little bit as a disheveled and clearly worried Bucky made his way into the hospital room and, just like Steve, landed on the edge of the bed to wrap her up in a warm hug. Even if it was with only one arm, Bucky looked like he was about as worried about her as Steve had been. 

“Steve texted me and I had to come. Are you okay? How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I’m  _ fine _ ,” she laughed, pushing his hair back behind his ear- not that it stayed for longer than a moment. “Honestly, you didn’t have to come all the way down here.”

“Are you kidding me, woman?” Bucky went in for another hug and Natasha figured there was a story behind all this, but she figured it was more appropriate for her to leave the room while Sarah comforted the second big, beefy guy to visit her in a panic.

 

About half an hour later, Bucky was marching right into her office and sitting down in one of her chairs while he toyed with her pencil cup for a moment before diving into the dish of sucking candy sitting beside it. He took three, pocketed two, and noisily unwrapped the third to pop it into his mouth.

“Alright, Natasha. What’s it gonna take for you to tell me why you’re fucking with Steve?”

“Excuse me? Where do you get off--”

He waved his one good hand to cut her off. “Let’s just cut the bullshit, okay? I knew you were a dangerous one from the beginning, but really? You guys were having fun together. He was even putting aside what he obviously wants so you’ll be happy and you just bail on him? Not nice.”

Okay, it was one thing trying to avoid letting Steve’s mother know who she was and something else to stare down Steve’s best friend. “He doesn’t need you protecting him.”

“Apparently he fucking does!” Bucky sat back and planted his feet on the floor to let her know that he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. “I’m gonna be here a whole lot while Sarah’s admitted and I’ve got all the time in the world to annoy you, so you might as well just fess up now and save us both the trouble.”

Natasha glared.

Bucky glared back.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” she said eventually. “And I  _ can _ have you escorted outside by security.”

“You’re not gonna do that.” Bucky was calling her bluff and Natasha wanted to punch him for it. Obviously this wasn’t something she wanted to talk about; Steve understood that, so why didn’t Bucky just let it go? “I mean, come on. You’re gonna have a poor, disabled army vet physically, forcibly removed from your office? How’s that gonna look?”

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him. “Way to use the system to your advantage.”

“I’m not telling a lie,” he shrugged. “Now start talking.”

Fucking ruthless, wasn’t he? “Does it really matter why I did it?” She asked. “The point is that I ended it and that’s it. That’s all.”

Bucky gave her a knowing look. “Look, I get it,” he began. “I know loving Steve is like loving the best puppy you could imagine. I know how overwhelming he can be. I know that sometimes he doesn’t realize how easy it is to compare yourself to him and come up short.”

Natasha watched him closely. Everything he was saying was true; loving Steve was like trying to wrap your arms around the sun and keep it all to yourself. It was almost selfish and completely impossible to imagine. The sun ought to be shared with everyone, but that Natasha would pretend to be doing this entirely for Steve-- she was scared too. She didn’t want to be hurt.

“You don’t know me, Bucky.” Some people might call Natasha stubborn, but she preferred to think of it as having pride in sticking to her guns. “Stop pretending to understand.”

“I do understand,” he insisted. “You think I don’t understand what it feels like when you think you’re not good enough? Really?”

Natasha knew there was truth to that. Steve had mentioned here and there how Bucky hadn’t quite been the same after their time in the army; losing his arm and going through what he’d been through, taking lives… It made him a different person. She knew that he hadn’t even tried to date since he came home and she also knew that Steve thought it was because he was ashamed of the stump that used to be his arm.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” she offered. “But that doesn’t mean I have to continue a relationship that makes me uncomfortable.” There. There it was, right out in the open. She was uncomfortable.

Bucky watched her for a moment. “We can work with that,” he said. “Uncomfortable about what?”

“I’m really not looking to actually have this conversation.” Natasha shook her head and went back to typing out her notes on the computer. “What’s the big deal anyway? He’ll find someone else.”

“Oh, because Steve dates all the time,” he scoffed. “Come on. This works. You know it does.”

Natasha looked up again and pressed her lips together. “He’ll find someone else,” she repeated.

Bucky sighed heavily, but he also stood up and went to leave. Either he’d finally gotten the idea that she wasn’t going to just open up to him and change her mind, or he was retreating to try again later. Natasha hoped for the first, but it was probably the second. It wasn’t like she didn’t appreciate the fact that Bucky was trying to do what he thought was best for his friend; it showed her that there was a lot of affection between them and that they would probably do anything for each other.

But she wasn’t going to budge.

 

The next morning, she went to check on Sarah and told her she’d only need to be there another day or two, to make sure the Coumadin was working properly. Other than that, she could go home under the assumption that she would stay in touch and get her levels checked regularly. Natasha was just checking to make sure that she had plenty of fresh, cool water to drink when Sarah spoke up and made her freeze in place.

“You said you were friends with my son,” she said. “Do you know who it is that he’s seeing?”

Natasha wanted to run, but she knew that it would be some kind of admission of guilt.

“He’s told me all about her and I know it’s serious because he doesn’t get like that all the time, but he won’t tell me her name or bring her over for dinner. I was hoping you might know why.”

Deep breath. Was Steve seeing someone else, or had he told his mother about her? Which of those prospects was more terrifying? If he was really seeing someone else, then maybe she hadn’t meant as much to him as Bucky seemed to think she had. Then again, why would she care? She had ended things for a reason. One way to find out, she supposed.

“What has he told you about her?” She ventured against her better judgement. “Maybe I'll be able to guess.”

Sarah smiled. “Oh, that’s she’s beautiful,” she laughed softly. “He talks about her like she’s the most wonderful person he’s ever met. I know it’s hard to believe, but my Stevie isn’t the type to fawn over someone unless they’ve really made an impression on him.”

Natasha swallowed thickly and nodded in silence.

“I think he’s in love,” she added excitedly. “It’s about time, too. After that business with that other woman, I wasn’t sure he’d ever recover.”

Snapping to attention, Natasha sat down on the edge of the chair nearby and folded her hands in her lap. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, he was head over heels for a woman who served in the army with him,” she explained. “I think they might have had a chance, but when Steve came home in the state he was in…” Sarah trailed off and shook her head a little. “It wasn’t her fault, but by the time he’d woken up she’d moved on. They’re still friendly, I think. On Facebook. She’s married now, with two babies. I think the shock of it broke Steve’s heart.”

Woken up. Natasha leaned forward a little bit. Had Steve been in a coma when he came back from the army? “I didn’t know that,” she said quietly. “He hasn’t been with anyone since then?”

Sarah sighed. “I know he’s been on dates,” she mused. “He’s told me about a few of them, but I haven’t seen him talk about anyone this way since the letters he wrote me while he was overseas. Whoever this woman is, I think she might be the real thing for him.”

Natasha was finding it hard to breathe. “What else has he told you about her?”

“Well, apparently she’s very smart,” Sarah continued. “He’s told me that it feels different with her and oh, I hope it does. He’s thirty five already and I could stand to have a grandbaby. If I could just see him and James happily taken care of, then I could say that I’ve done my job.”

So she wanted grandchildren, as most people did.

And Natasha knew it would be stupid to think that Steve wouldn’t want children considering how much he loved the babies he worked with. Maybe if she’d just told him that kids weren’t in the picture for her, he’d get over it and move on. Of course, there was that little voice in the back of her head that told her Steve might take her anyway, but…

But there was also the chance that he might not. And if Natasha was being entirely honest with herself, she knew that a rejection like that would hurt her. It was all about self-preservation at this point; if she didn’t put herself out there, then she wouldn’t get hurt.

“I’m sure he’ll tell you eventually, Mrs. Rogers,” she said quietly as she stood up to leave. “And… for what it’s worth, I hope she makes him happy. He’s a good person.” She swallowed. “Excuse me; I have to see another patient. But I’ll be back to check on you in a little while.”

Natasha was out of there so fast that she might have given herself whiplash. By the time she got back to her office and pressed her back against the closed door, she realized that she was a little more bothered by all of this than she’d initially let on.

Did she want to get married? No, not particularly.

Did she want to have children? Not now, at least.

But did she want to die alone like this? Did she want to squander this amazing opportunity to be with someone who wasn’t only patient and understanding, but sweet and sexy and intelligent too?

What was wrong with her?

Overwhelmed, Natasha sank down onto her couch and covered her face with both hands. He’d leave her eventually, wouldn’t he? Once he realized how truly fucked up she was. Once he knew that she wasn’t normal, that she couldn’t even pass for normal in a real relationship, he’d break them up. The first time she laughed awkwardly at some sweet, romantic thing he did for her. The first time she spoke out of turn and ruined a good moment between them. The first time he said he loved her and she couldn’t say it back.

Steve was only a man. He might be patient, but he wouldn’t wait forever. Pepper was right about that.

 

That afternoon, Natasha went to check on Sarah again and heard Steve’s laugh long before she actually entered the room. She considered bailing and coming back to check on her later, but she was a professional and she wasn’t going to let her own mistakes get in her way at the hospital. She squared her shoulders, pushed a hand through her hair, and marched right in, knocking lightly on the door.

“Hello,” she greeted. “How are we feeling?”

Sarah smiled widely. “I’m feeling much better now that my Steve is here,” she said warmly, patting his hand again. “How could I feel bad with this handsome face right in front of me?”

She reached up to squeeze his cheek and Steve laughed, lightly batting her away. “Ma, come on,” he groaned lightly.

“You know, he had all the nurses charmed even as a baby,” she said proudly. “He was sick as a child and he had to stay in the NICU for a while, but the nurses were always telling me what a handsome boy I had.” Sarah patted his cheek. “I think it was those eyes,” she continued. “Big baby blues, even as a baby.”

Again, Steve groaned and covered his face. “Yeah, too bad my face didn’t keep up,” he quipped, turning to Sarah. “Ma, she doesn’t wanna hear about this.”

“Oh, hush,” Sarah answered. “Don’t be modest. Any girl would be lucky to have you.”

Natasha was alarmed to find that she was agreeing vehemently with Sarah in her head. Steve could probably make anyone happy; the idea that she was giving up on this before giving it a real chance made her actually question her intelligence. He was a good person. He might actually love her even though she’d been distant and strange about letting people know they were together. He was an amazing lay.

All the evidence was stacking up on one side and telling her to get her ass in gear and give this a chance!

And then another thought occurred to Natasha. Would Steve even give her another chance? She’d hurt him; she’d gone out of her way to hurt him and drive him away, and the fact was that he could probably do better. She wasn’t even one hundred percent sure that this amazing woman Sarah had been told about was in fact Natasha or some other woman.

Natasha wondered if her own mother would have acted that way. Would she be proud of her daughter even though she wasn’t married? Would she try to find out every little detail about a man she was seeing who sounded special? The way Sarah looked at Steve was special; she loved him more than herself, Natasha could see that. And as Bucky joined them a moment later, landing in the chair and crossing his legs out in front of himself while they continued to chat, Natasha knew that Sarah loved him too.

As she watched Sarah tease her two boys about this and that, even going so far as to ask Bucky when he was going to get back out there and share himself with the world, Natasha felt tears start to well up. She didn’t even know what made her so emotional so suddenly, but she blinked rapidly a few times and eventually quickly wiped a single tear from beneath her eye.

She excused herself and left the room in a hurry, only to have someone’s hand wrapped around her hand to stop her in the hallway. When she turned around to see who it was, Steve was giving her a concerned look. He slowly let her go and she pulled her arm back to her as protectively as she could.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she snapped. “Nothing, I'm fine.”

Steve frowned. “You don't look fine.”

“Well, I am. It’s none of your business, Steve. Stay out of it.” Maybe she was vaguely considering trying to do this, but that didn’t mean she was giving him license to demand answers from her. Natasha felt very strongly about keeping her boundaries well defined and her walls up. In hindsight, maybe that was part of the problem.

Once again, Steve looked like he’d been slapped. He stepped back and Natasha felt like he was staring directly at the distinct wetness around her eyes. “Why are you being like this?”

Natasha very nearly paled. “Like what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Steve grabbed her hand and Natasha was so thrown off by it that she allowed it to happen. She allowed him to drag her all the way down the hall and all the way into her office, where she finally had the wherewithal to pull away and glare at him as he closed the door.

“Just because we’re not fucking anymore doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to worry,” he said firmly. “Okay? It doesn’t fucking mean that you’re allowed to treat me like garbage. Haven’t you ever heard of a relationship ending on good terms?”

“We never had a relationship, Steve, we were only fucking!”

 

Right there.

 

That was the moment that Natasha knew she’d gone too far because the implicit understanding in Steve’s refusal to push for more was now being thrown right in his face. His kindness was being thrown in his face and it was quite possibly the lowest thing she could have possibly done, especially since she knew he cared about her. The minute the words left her mouth, Steve stopped in his tracks and stood up straight. It was quite possibly the worst reaction he could have had because she could have sworn she saw his brow furrow in determination as his face drew long and weary… like he was about to cry.

For what felt like ages, they just stared at each other. Natasha wanted so badly to apologize, but the words never passed her lips. Natasha knew that what she’d said was wrong, Steve knew that what she’d said was wrong, and the likelihood was that Steve knew very well that Natasha understood the truth of the situation. She knew that he loved her and she was using that against him.

“Steve—“

He held up a hand to stop her and nodded almost imperceptibly to himself. Without uttering another word, he turned on his heel, left her office, and closed the door behind him with a soft click.

Natasha felt sick. She had fucked up the one good chance she had for a relationship and there was nothing she could do about it. Steve would never forgive her after that display and honestly, she couldn’t blame him. Her hands started to shake as she hastily stuffed things into her bag and shut down her computer. She had to go. She had to get out of there before Steve came back, if he came back.

“Page me if you need me,” she told the nurses, rushing past them and hitting the elevator button so aggressively that her perfectly manicured nail chipped right then and there. She splurged on a cab home and remained silent the entire way there, only responding in soft grunts or hums as the cab driver commented on the lovely day they were having.

What had she done?

Suddenly she couldn’t quite claim to be as indifferent about the idea of ending up alone as she had been before. She liked Steve. She liked the way he made her feel, so why was she doing this?

 

It was an easy answer, in the end. Natasha was scared. She was scared that Steve was going to be with her and then decide one day that she wasn’t good enough. And beyond that, she was scared of giving up her independence, scared of inviting someone into her life only to have them change everything and leave again. Maybe that was naïve of her, to not want to take that chance, but she couldn’t help the way she felt about it. She wasn’t going to change her entire life for someone else, especially not when she’d worked so very hard to develop it in the first place.

She wanted nothing more than to raid her liquor shelf when she got home, but she couldn’t. She had to stay sober while she was on call; God forbid she was called into emergency surgery or something and showed up kind of tipsy. With that in mind, Natasha elected instead to take a hot shower. She stripped down and ran the water until steam filled the bathroom, left her phone on the sink, and stepped under the spray with a sigh.

It was enough to calm her down, although she still couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Steve’s face. He’d seemed so hurt and so disappointed, and he didn’t deserve that. Obviously they’d never spoken about their… thing… and she’d never committed to anything, but she knew it was more than just fucking and so did he. Natasha wouldn’t have even been surprised if he knew all along that she cared for him and happened to be biding his time in the hopes that she might come around to a real relationship.

However, the fact remained that she was hesitant for a number of reasons she couldn’t really remember anymore. Would it be so bad to share her life with Steve? Was there any point in jumping so far ahead that she had them already fighting about getting married?

Once she’d washed her hair, lathered herself up with soap, and washed off, she happily stepped right back out of the shower to dry off. Natasha didn’t even bother getting dressed; instead, she plucked a pink towel off her shelf and tucked it up around her so she could relax. She combed her hair and twisted it into a braid, and savored the warmth around her until she wandered back out of the bathroom and into the living room, where she landed on the couch in a heap.

There was an enormous possibility that she wouldn’t be able to fix this.

Natasha was wallowing in that kind of thought for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. She pulled on an oversized tshirt at some point and ordered Chinese takeout to soothe her worries, treating herself to a very sizable glass of wine to go along with it once she was officially off the clock. As she flipped through channels on the television, she wondered what Steve was doing right now. Had he told his mother that the woman he was seeing had broken his heart?

What would she say to that? Would Steve finally admit that she was the one hurting him? How harshly would Sarah judge her? How hard would it be to have such a good person look at her like she was some kind of monster?

Right there on the couch, Natasha eventually dozed off with her arm tucked under her head and her legs curled up tight. She couldn’t usually remember her dreams, but when she woke up to a loud banging on her door, the first thought she had was that she needed to call the hospital and have someone check on Sarah for her, though everything was likely to be perfectly fine.

Rubbing at her eyes, she padded over to the door and yanked it open without looking to see who was there. It was with some surprise that she found herself looking right up at Steve, who met her gaze without any hesitation. Why would he hesitate? He hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Steve,” she said. “What are you doing here?”

Letting out a breath through his nose, Steve readjusted the bag on his shoulder and straightened his back. “Bucky said that make up sex is a thing,” he said boldly. “Is it?”

Natasha didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Steve still wanted to be with her? Did he understand that nothing had changed between them? Didn’t he respect himself more than this? She was just going to hurt him all over again. Apparently her hesitation warranted more input from Steve, who stepped forward a little bit and swallowed hard enough to make his Adam’s apple bob a little bit.

“It’s okay if it’s not,” he said, even though Natasha knew he was more upset about this than he particularly seemed at the moment. “I just thought--”

“Do you want some Chinese food? I have a lot left over.”

Steve blinked. “Sure. Yeah, okay.”

Natasha stepped aside to let him in and closed the door behind him. She even went so far as to lock it because she assumed he was staying. Although make up sex wasn’t really supposed to be a thing  _ after _ a relationship ended, she was already feeling lonely and the fact that Steve came back to her after what she’d said gave her hope; she was hopeful that he might forgive her, but she was even more hopeful that she would have enough time to work up to telling him how she felt.

That is, if she could figure it out herself.


	8. Chapter 8

As she waited for the microwave to heat up a plate of leftover Chinese food, Natasha wondered if Steve had really come over expecting make up sex. He wasn’t the type to actually act on a booty call and she knew he cared about her, so the odds were that he just needed an excuse to talk to her. She didn’t know if that was sweet or sad, but either way… she was glad he’d come.

Once she slid the plate onto the table and set a glass of wine down beside it, Steve thanked her and dug right in. He must have come straight from the hospital; he likely hadn’t eaten in several hours and he was always hungry after his shift. She slid into the seat across from him with her glass and watched as he ate. It was now or never, wasn’t it? She had to tell him or risk losing him completely.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” she blurted out after a hefty ten minutes of silence save for Steve’s fork scraping over the plate and the clock ticking nearby. “It was out of line.”

Steve looked up at her and shrugged a little bit. “I mean, you weren’t wrong,” he said slowly.

Natasha supposed she wasn’t, but that didn’t mean she had to go throw it in his face like that. She had been out of line and she knew he thought so too. “Still,” she insisted. “It wasn’t right to say it like that. I knew it would hurt you.”

Steve set his fork down and wiped his mouth on a napkin before taking a sip of his wine, and then a couple of gulps to swallow it all down. He looked very much like he didn’t want to be having this conversation and Natasha wondered if that was because he felt embarrassed that he cared so much and she obviously didn’t. 

“You know what I’d really like?”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Tell me.”

Steve licked his lips. “I’d really like to go down on you for a while.” 

Natasha’s brow furrowed a little bit. Surely he wanted to talk about the fact that she’d hurt him like she had. “Are you sure…? You don’t think maybe we should talk?”

“Nope.” Steve answered quickly. “I think you should let me take care of you, and then maybe you’ll take care of me. And we can get some sleep.”

Well, that was surprising. Natasha hesitated for a moment because she thought Steve might have been testing her, but he just looked determined. He looked like he was very sure of what he wanted. “Alright,” she agreed quietly. “Bedroom?”

Steve stood up and offered her his hand, which she happily took so he could lead her down the hall and into the bedroom. She shut off the lights on the way and eventually stood in front of him as he lifted her tshirt up and over her head, then slid her panties down until she could drop them down to the floor. When she reached up undress him, she noted that Steve kind of dropped his head so it would be easier for her, and he kept his gaze on her as she unbuckled his belt to get his jeans off. It was quiet enough to hear a pin drop and for some reason, this felt so much heavier than anything they’d been through before.

Technical as it was, Natasha shivered immediately as Steve’s hands came up to cup her breasts. As her nipples pebbled under his soft, teasing touches, she parted her lips and tipped her head back to invite him down for a kiss that he quickly accepted as he began to walk her backwards towards the bed. It was like every touch was amplified and then some. Natasha was acutely aware of each finger dragging slowly over her thigh, each brush of his thumb against her skin… She was panting by the time he pressed a line of open mouthed kisses to her breastbone and further down her stomach until he was settled comfortably between her legs.

Natasha’s back arched right up off the bed as he brought his mouth down on her, both big hands on her waist and using her hips to pull her closer bit by bit. Steve took this time this time around. He coaxed her closer and closer to the edge, but it was the kind of slow, rolling pleasure that Natasha could appreciate. After her first orgasm, Natasha reached down to brush her fingers through his hair and thought she heard him chuckle for a moment- but she didn’t have long to think about it before his mouth was on her again.

She came twice more before Steve even really came up for air. When he did, his lips were dark and shiny and a little swollen; she could see it immediately and despite how breathless she was, Natasha pulled him up for a firm kiss to taste herself on those lips. He’d made his point.

Whether or not he meant to, Steve had absolutely made the point that relationship or not, ‘just fucking’ or not, they worked. God, they worked so well together. As Steve crawled over her to meet her lips, Natasha spread her legs and welcomed him between them knowing that he would grab a condom before they went too far. The weight of him, the way her legs fit around his waist, the warmth rolling off of him in waves, the feeling of his lips brushing along her jaw, her neck, down to her collarbone… She’d missed it all.

He had a condom on before she really knew what was happening and Natasha moaned out loud as soon as he slid home again. Hiking her legs up a little more, she threaded her hands into Steve’s hair and dragged him down into another kiss as he began to move. The drag of their lips echoed in other places as they started to move together, effortlessly finding a rhythm that suited them both. That was one thing Natasha knew she would never get tired of; having someone who naturally reflected her own desires and her own pleasures couldn’t be anything but an asset.

Steve came moments before Natasha followed suit even though it was really just a soft wave of pleasure this time and at that point, she just shivered and welcomed his arms around her once he settled down. It was quiet save the sound of their breathing and Natasha wondered if this was the kind of make up sex that meant they wouldn’t ever be doing it again; of course, she understood that the sex wasn’t the important part. If she wanted to keep Steve around, she was going to have to be honest with him.

But not tonight.

Tonight, she wordlessly let Steve drag her right into his arms and she buried her nose in his chest where it felt like she belonged. While she drifted off to sleep, she had the somewhat disturbing thought that spending every night pressed up against this particular chest wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Hey. Personal growth.

 

At exactly 2:53 that morning, Natasha’s phone rang. She was up in a split second because she was trained to wake up for that noise and immediately slid out of Steve’s arms to grab it off the nightstand. He was up too, she noticed. His groggy gaze followed her as she stood up and hit the green button to accept the call from the hospital, putting the phone to her ear right away. 

“How long?” Pause. “Responsive?” Pause. “There’s still time. I’ll be there in twenty minutes, I want to administer.” She ended the call and for exactly one moment, she allowed herself to breathe. They had to go. Now.

Marching forward, she opened her drawers and began dressing on autopilot because no matter how hard it was going to be to tell Steve what was going on, she had to be out that door in five minutes or less.

“Steve, get dressed. We have to go to the hospital,” she said as she pulled on a pair of jeans and fumbled around for a bra. “It’s your mother. Five minutes, we have to go.”

She could explain in the cab. Right now, there was no time. Steve didn’t ask questions and she was thankful for that; it was his understanding of the state of emergency that had them both in a cab when  _ his _ phone rang so a nurse could advise him to get to the hospital as well.

“She’s having a stroke,” Natasha explained. “Most likely brought on by the a-fib. We’re still regulating the Coumadin, so I’m thinking a TPA is the best way to go…”

“But isn’t that more of a risk?” Steve looked pale and drawn, like he couldn’t quite figure out what to do now. He’d already shakily texted Bucky what was going on and knew they would be met at the hospital, but that didn’t change the seriousness of the situation.

“It’s a risk because it thins the blood further,” Natasha explained. “But she’s only been on the blood thinners for a couple of days. It should be alright, and it’s only been half an hour or so. As long as we do it within three, she should be fine.”

Steve nodded. “I trust you,” he said. “If you think that’s the best option, then that’s what we do.”

They  _ ran _ into the hospital and into the elevator, where Natasha used an override to get her right up to the cardiac floor without stopping anywhere else. If anyone was shocked to see them arrive together, they didn’t say a fucking word and it was a good thing because Natasha didn’t have time to chastise them for it. Instead, she made her way right to Sarah’s room and joined the nurses already in there.

Steve followed her in and only paled further when he saw his mother looking bewildered, her mouth drooping slightly. “Ma-- Let me--” He moved to get closer, but Wanda put her hand on his chest and shook her head.

“Steve, you need to step out,” she said seriously. “We’ll take care of her.”

Natasha was already checking her vitals and looked over to Steve while Wanda lightly pushed him back. “I’ve got her,” she said, trying to sound confident and reassuring at the same time. “Go sit in the waiting room. I’ve got her.”

Steve didn’t want to go and she could see him crumpling already, but he stepped out and Natasha immediately decided that they would be administering the TPA. It  _ was _ a risk, but it was the best option. Natasha administered the activator herself and from there, it was a waiting game. Sarah would be closely monitored for any bleeding, but she would need some time to recover even with the TPA. Once her vitals settled down and she went to sleep, the nurses were instructed to move her into the cardiac ICU and Natasha removed her gloves so she could go find Steve and let him know what was going on.

Of course, he was on his feet as soon as he saw her, and so was Bucky. Both men approached in a fit and asked what was happening, and she could see that while Bucky just looked drawn  and worried, Steve had evidence of tears on his face. 

“I gave her the TPA and she’s stable for now,” she explained. “I’m having the girls move her into the ICU for the night. She’ll probably be there at least a couple of days while we monitor her.”

“But do we know if… if she’ll be alright?”

“The only way to know is to wait and see.” Natasha reached out to touch Steve’s arm. “She’s a fighter. We got to it in really good time. I think she’ll be fine, but we have to wait and find out how much damage was done. We’ll get her another CT scan in the morning and from there, all we can do is wait.”

Steve swore under his breath and landed heavily in one of the chairs around them. Bucky just rubbed his hand through his hair and shook his head. “Is there a chance she might make a full recovery?” He asked. Natasha knew what he wanted to hear and she was glad that she didn’t have to give him a pseudo answer.

“There have been recoveries with a negligible amount of damage done,” she said. “With the TPA, I’ve seen people go on to live full lives like they’d never had a stroke to begin with.”

Bucky nodded slowly and landed in a nearby chair as well. Natasha understood that she was the doctor in this situation, but she slid into the seat beside Steve and contemplated the right thing to do before just doing what felt right. She took Steve’s hand, laced their fingers together, and rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Steve.”

Steve dropped a kiss on top of her head and it was quite possibly the most heartbreakingly affectionate thing Natasha had ever experienced. “Thank you for taking care of her.” 

They spent hours there in the waiting room. Natasha left once to check on Sarah, and then returned so she could take Steve and Bucky into her room in ICU. She was still asleep and Steve immediately took his place beside her, carefully taking her hand for the time being. Bucky stood like a shadow against the far wall, five o’clock shadow and bed head making him look even more intimidating than usual. 

 

It was eight in the morning when Steve called his supervisor, explained the situation, and successfully called out ‘sick’ for the day as he didn’t plan on leaving his mother’s side. Natasha did leave them for a while to consult with her nurses about her schedule that day and so on, but she returned to them around noon to check on Sarah again.

When she came in again, Bucky was sitting on a chair that someone had dragged into the room for him, although he was still near the back wall like he didn’t want to get too close. He had his head tipped back against the wall and his eyes were closed, but he looked up the minute Natasha entered the room. Steve, however, had his arms folded under his head on the edge of Sarah’s bed and didn’t budge. He must have been exhausted, the poor thing.

The next time she checked, both Bucky and Steve looked like they were about to pass out. They were both mainlining caffeine as their main source of energy and Natasha knew she had to get in there and do something about it. 

“You need to eat,” she told them. “If I can’t get you to go home for a little while, then go to the cafeteria, or around the corner for a sandwich.”

“Nah, I’m not leaving,” Steve said firmly. “I’ve gotta be here when she wakes up.”

Natasha gave him a look. “You think she’d want you starving yourself?”

“I don’t want to leave her,” he argued. “What if she wakes up and she’s all alone?”

Bucky looked caught between telling Steve to go get something to eat and agreeing with him. It was obvious that they both cared for Sarah a great deal, but Natasha also knew that Steve would be telling his own patient’s family the same thing. The bonus here was that since Natasha was entitled to a lunch break and since she was particularly involved in this… family… she could help. 

“She won’t be alone because I’m going to stay with her,” she said simply. “I won’t leave her side, I promise.”

Steve stared at her. “Are you sure?”

Natasha huffed a little bit. “Yes, I’m sure,” she answered. “Go get something to eat.”

He looked like he wanted to ask another question, but Bucky nudged his arm and urged him up so they could go right now. “Thanks, Nat,” he offered. “I’ll make sure Steve eats.”

With the boys gone, Natasha sat down in the unoccupied chair at Sarah’s bedside and let the complete and utter discomfort settle in. All she had to do was sit there and wait for Steve and Bucky to return; it wasn’t as though Sarah was questioning her or anything, so she really had nothing to worry about. Still, she wondered if she ought to take Sarah’s hand as Steve had.

There was a part of her that wondered whether or not the woman in front of her would ever accept her as a part of their little family. Was she anything like the girl Sarah imagined for her son? If not, was she an acceptable alternative? Those questions alone were enough to keep Natasha’s focus on the figure in bed and at the same time, more than enough to keep her hands in her lap.

Except that as fate would have it, Sarah began to stir not fifteen minutes after the boys left. Natasha snapped to attention and checked every vital she could before taking a seat on the edge of Sarah’s bed and giving her a warm smile.

“Good afternoon,” she greeted. “I'm glad to see you're up. How are you feeling?”

The only way to assess the level of damage after a stroke was by talking to the patient. A CT scan would show the physical damage, but they couldn't often predict the exact extent of behavioral issues until the patient was conscious and able to answer questions,  _ if _ they were able to answer at all.

“I'm… thirsty,” she said quietly. Her voice was raw, probably just because of the medicine and how long she'd been asleep. Natasha quickly filled a glass and gave her a straw to make sure she could still sip. She could, thankfully. It was encouraging to see that she could speak too.

“I know you're going to think I'm crazy for having to ask,” Natasha said when Sarah put her cup down. “But I have to ask. What’s your name?”

“Sarah Rogers.”

“And your son’s name?”

“Steven Grant.”

New information. Natasha would keep that in the back of her mind. “Where are we right now?”

“At NYU hospital in New York. Dear, I think I'm fine.”

“Just a few more things, I promise,” Natasha assured her, holding both hands out in front of her. “Can you squeeze my fingers?”

Sarah raised her eyebrows, but reached out with both hands and did what she was told. Natasha felt a little weakness on the right side, but she would talk to her about that later. It was entirely possible that the strength would come back with time. Beyond that, she also had Sarah smile and frown for her, and she asked a few more questions to be sure that she was alright. She had delayed answers twice, but that was expected. She still needed some time to recover, after all.

Natasha refilled her cup and called one of the nurses to bring her something soft to eat; probably Jell-O, maybe some pudding. She needed to take it slow, but she also wanted to know where her son had gone off to and, of course, what had happened to her. Natasha patiently explained that she’d had a stroke, but that the TPA had been administered in time to save her and probably minimize any damage done.

“And Steve is with Bucky, getting something to eat,” she said. “They’ve been at your side since they were let in here, but they looked like they were going to collapse.”

Sarah shook her head a little. “They’re not the brightest, but they’re very loyal,” she said with a soft laugh. “I must have given them quite a scare.”

Natasha nodded. “You did,” she answered.

“Thank you for saving me.”

Natasha smiled and finally reached out to touch Sarah’s hand, which happened to be the exact moment when Steve and Bucky returned.

“Ma! You’re up!” Natasha pulled her hand away like she’d been burned and slipped off the bed to make way for Steve, who basically wrapped his mother up in a hug that was only intensified by Bucky’s arm joining in from the other side of the bed. “How do you feel? Are you okay?”

“Oh, hush, now. I’m fine,” she answered. “Natasha’s been taking good care of me.”

Natasha smiled. “She shows almost no signs of neurological damage, but I am going to send her for another CT scan and I’d like a neurologist to come down and see her as well. I have a friend in that department; I'll ask him to come down.”

 

As Natasha turned to leave the room, Steve quickly got himself up and followed suit, cornering her right in the hallway. “Hey,” he said, catching her hand to hold her back. “Listen, I wanted to say thank you again…”

“Steve, it’s still my job,” she answered easily. “And I was happy to help. Your mother’s a good person. If anyone deserves me getting out of bed at two in the morning, it’s her.”

Steve smiled and despite how exhausted he was, she could see that there was real warmth behind his eyes. That warmth was for her, she was sure of it. Considering all the steps he’d taken to make sure she was comfortable and happy with him, maybe Steve deserved a little give instead of a whole lot of take.

“You’re really something else sometimes, you know that?” He chuckled, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Don’t laugh, but I’m kind of wishing I could kiss you right now.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows at him. “You want to kiss me now? We’ve been here for hours, I haven’t taken a shower, my hair’s a mess, and I probably taste exclusively like the chocolate bar I ate on my way to get you two earlier.”

Steve smirked. “I like chocolate.”

Rolling her eyes a little, Natasha glanced around quickly and tugged him around a corner and into a little alcove nearby. She pressed him right up against the wall and leaned up to seal their lips together, happily accepting his arms around her waist and his attempts to deepen the kiss regardless of where they were right now. Of course, she had to stop him before they went too far as they were still at work, but Natasha let it go on for longer than she probably should have anyway.

When they parted, Steve brushed their noses together and smiled. She could see that he was trying to keep himself guarded and safe, but Steve was the type to keep his heart on his sleeve. He opened himself up to getting hurt and unfortunately, Natasha had managed to hurt him on several occasions now. She wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

 

That same day after Sarah had gone for her follow up scan, Natasha escorted her neurologist friend into the room with a flourish. “Steve, Bucky, Mrs. Rogers, this is Dr. Stephen Strange,” she said. “He’s a very talented neurosurgeon; one of the best in the country, in fact. He’s just going to do a few tests for neurological function and that sort of thing.”

“Ooh, that was a nice compliment,” Stephen commented, turning briefly towards Natasha.

“Don’t read into it.” Natasha gave him a look and gestured for him to get on with it. She liked him alright, but she’d yet to actually accept an invitation to go out with him knowing exactly what he was like on the regular; Stephen had been trying for a very long time now, usually at least once every time they saw each other.

Stephen shrugged and approached the bed to go through the usual motions; he had Sarah squeeze his hands the way Natasha had earlier, and then asked her a series of questions to assess neurological awareness. Beyond that, he examined her mouth and gently palpated the muscles of her face and neck before asking that she stood up to walk for him.

“Hop up and we’ll take a walk around.”

Sarah glanced at Natasha and gave her a dubious look, clearly suspicious of Dr. Strange as he was just a little too arrogant for her taste. God knows Bucky had already been glaring at him from the corner of the room and Steve had stiffened a little bit the second Stephen had made that comment to Natasha.

“I promise, he makes up for the arrogance in talent,” she said to the room at large.

“Aw, that makes me feel all warm inside.” As Sarah began to walk for him, Stephen briefly glanced towards Steve and smirked to himself. “Natasha tells me you’re a nurse here.”

“That’s right. In maternity,” Steve informed him. “We can’t all make the big bucks and do all those interviews.”

“Oh, so you have heard of me,” Stephen laughed. “Wonderful.”

Once he had Sarah sitting back down again, he pulled a small tablet from the pocket of his white coat and brought up the images of her latest CT. “The latest scan shows only minor damage,” he explained, even turning the screen so he could point it out. “You’ve shown remarkable progress since you were given the TPA and I’m sure you’ll make a full recovery. Dr. Romanoff has been taking good care of you, I imagine.”

“She certainly has.” Sarah nodded at him once. “Thank you, Dr. Strange. I appreciate that you took the time to come see me.”

“Well,” he answered easily. “Anything for Natasha.”

 

With that, he winked at the redhead and left the room. As much as she didn’t want to, Natasha excused herself and left on his heels to remind him that first of all, she was never going to go out with him and second of all, she was with Steve. So there. She might have acted a little preemptively, but so what? If Steve rejected her, she’d be embarrassed no matter who knew what exactly.

When she returned to the room, Steve was waiting outside with his arms crossed over his chest and his brow furrowed. She knew that look.

“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not like that,” she sighed. “Stephen’s a pain in the ass, but I’ve never gone out with him. I have a very important no asshole policy.”

Steve nodded slowly, lowered his arms--- and leaned forward, depositing a little kiss right on her lips no matter who was looking. Technically, he wasn’t on the clock and he clearly didn’t care. When he pulled back, he looked like he was expecting her to reprimand him for it, but Natasha just pressed her lips together and arched an eyebrow.

“Marking your territory?”

Steve shrugged. “Making a statement.”

 

Over the next couple of days while Sarah recovered, Natasha thought about how she might officially take their relationship from where it was to the level of a proper relationship. Did she just ask him out and hope he got the idea? Should she ask him to be her boyfriend? It all seemed terribly high school, but she supposed she owed him some clarity, at the very least. 

Still, she was a bit hesitant. One afternoon while she was sitting in Sarah’s room while the guys went out for lunch, Natasha caught herself thinking about how awkward it would be if Steve rejected her now. After all they’d been through, surely he wouldn’t… but what if he did?

“You look like you have an awful lot on your mind,” Sarah noted as she switched off the television and turned her full attention to Natasha. She’d made a nearly full recovery, thank goodness, and she was only waiting a day or two more until she was released. She would still have to be monitored thanks to the Coumadin she’d be taking and her atrial fibrillation, but she would also go on to live a perfectly full life.

“What gave it away?” Natasha asked. She wasn’t about to tell Sarah what she was actually thinking about; she’d been through enough lately and Natasha’s love life didn’t need to add to her stress, especially considering it directly involved her one and only son.

Sarah set down the crossword puzzle she’d been working on and gave the younger woman a look. “I think I’ve been around long enough and raised two boys closely enough to know when someone isn’t quite telling the truth.”

Natasha squirmed in her seat. So this was what it felt like to have a mother; Sarah clearly wanted what was best for her and regardless of how hesitant Natasha was to talk about it, she was going to push. It was done out of affection, not any kind of malice.

“Do you think it’s possible to be scared of being in love?”

Sarah smiled like she knew all the answers to everything in the whole universe. “Of course it is,” she answered. “Love is terrifying in a lot of ways. You’re opening yourself up to another person and while you might be able to trust yourself, you can’t always trust that someone else is going to keep loving you, treating you right…” She paused. “I don’t supposed Steve ever told you what I went through with his father.”

Natasha blinked. “No, he hasn’t,” she admitted.

“His father liked to drink,” Sarah said. “And he was a cruel drunk. He never went after Steve, but…” She smiled ruefully. “My boy was always very keen on trying to protect me.”

Of course he was. Natasha wasn’t even slightly surprised by the idea that Steve would step in the way of real danger to protect someone he loved; it was so characteristic and so predictable that she smiled a little bit. Her brave soldier, probably putting his life on the line every chance he got. She snapped out of that when Sarah reached for her hand and eventually gave it a little squeeze. “What I mean to say is that there’s plenty reason for you to be scared by the idea of falling in love. All you can do is hope that the person you fall in love with is a good person--”

“He is.” Natasha wasn’t even slightly unsure of that. Steve would never lay a hand on her. He would never do anything like that. “Sometimes I think he’s  _ too _ good a person to stick with me.”

Sarah’s smile softened a little bit. “I don’t think he would agree with you.” 

“Probably not,” she laughed. “But that just proves it.”

“Natasha, no one knows everything,” Sarah said. “But I do know that Steve is worth the risk.”

She was probably right. Steve  _ was _ worth the risk--- Wait. Her eyes snapped up to meet Sarah’s and widened. She knew? Since when had she known? Had she known from the beginning?

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” Sarah laughed. “You think you two can pull one over on me?”

Natasha inwardly swore and immediately tried to apologize for lying to her in the first place. “I thought you didn’t know who it was,” she tried. “I would have told you, but we weren’t-- It’s difficult to explain.”

“I’m sure it is,” she murmured. “But it’s alright. And in case you’re wondering, I wholeheartedly approve.” Sarah patted her hand twice and grinned widely. “Anyone who has my baby talking the way he was about you must be someone really special.”

God, and after all she’d put him through. “Does he really talk about me that much?”

“Oh, he’s smitten,” Sarah told her. “He thinks you’re the one. And it’s about time.”

Natasha let out a soft breath and leaned back looking unsure.

“I know you feel the same. At least that’s what I see when you look at him. I know exactly how scary it is, dear, but don't you think you deserve a chance at whatever happiness he's able to give you?” She sat up a little more and offered another smile. “Give him a chance and if he disappoints you, he'll have to answer to me.”

Natasha couldn’t argue with her, could she? The fact was that she wanted to be with Steve and with his mother’s blessing, things couldn’t be more hopeful. “I imagine answering to you is a very scary thing,” she quipped.

“You’d be right about that,” Sarah answered. “You remember it too. Steve’s got a good heart; I’d hate to see something else contribute to destroying his spirit.” 

 

Sarah was released from the hospital two days later. Steve wheeled her out himself and got her into a cab to take her back home and get her settled. He would be dropping in on her every night after work and in the mornings, if he could swing it, but Bucky had offered to stay there for a few days to make sure she was okay. They’d also floated the idea of moving her closer to Steve, but Sarah wouldn’t hear of it. 

Natasha still hadn’t said anything to Steve. Things had been so busy with his mother and their makeup sex in her apartment had taken a very distinct backseat for very good reason. Still, Natasha did want to talk to him about what she wanted and seriously sought the right time to do so. Unfortunately, she was also apparently a complete and total coward in this instance.

A week after that, Natasha found herself on the receiving end of a Steve who had either lost his mind, or missed her so much that he’d made a snap decision regardless of the consequences. That is, Steve came into her office one afternoon, locked the door behind him, and pressed her up against a large pane of glass behind her desk to kiss the breath right out of her. Natasha let it happen without complaint and for the first time, they made good on those rumors that they had been fooling around in her office the whole time. Natasha might have had a light bruise on each thigh as she was bent over the desk and Steve may or may not have broken her phone, which was tossed off the surface as they switched positions at some point, but it was well worth it.

When they were all done, they landed on the couch in her office and Natasha draped her legs over Steve’s lap so she could lay back. Maybe this was the right time. Maybe this was her best opportunity to tell him that she cared about him. But how was she supposed to go about doing that? How was she supposed to put it in words?

 

_ “I think we should tell people that we’re together.” _

_ “I want to be exclusive.” _

_ … _

_ “I love you.” _

 

None of those options seemed feasible, but something made its way out of Natasha’s mouth anyway. She managed to cut Steve off and blurted out--

“Will you have dinner with me?”

Steve looked appropriately surprised and blinked twice at her before offering up an amused smile. “Sure,” he answered slowly. “Your place?”

Natasha pressed her lips together. “I was actually thinking we might go out.” Pause. “To a nice place,” she continued. “At night?”

All of a sudden, Steve’s expression softened. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“If I was, would you say yes?”

Steve raised his eyebrows. “I think I could be persuaded to say yes,” he teased lightly. “Are you gonna get all dressed up for me?”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “I’ll get dressed up for you, yes.”

“Well, I can’t pass that up. So, yes. Yes, I’ll go out on a date with you.”

She got a little kiss for her trouble and Natasha saw Steve off to return to the maternity ward and charm a whole new crop of mothers and babies. She closed the door behind him and leaned up against it as she smiled widely to herself.

She had a date with Steve!

And she was  _terrified_. 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

The night of their date came way sooner than Natasha had expected, somehow. They’d planned on a Saturday night because neither of them had a shift that day and Natasha had chosen the restaurant with one caveat from Steve (i.e., no sushi). She chose a small steakhouse knowing the kind of food he liked and made a reservation for the two of them for seven o’clock sharp. 

Natasha would never admit how long it had taken her to figure out what she was wearing that night, but she had to stuff quite a few options back into her closet once she’d finally decided and laid her choice out on the bed so she could take a shower and get ready. She decided to put her hair up and tug a few little wisps out to frame her face. Her makeup was simple; just black eyeliner and red lipstick along with a bit of mascara as well. Natasha didn’t vary too much where her makeup was concerned; she just didn’t have the time.

The dress she’d picked out was a dark, muted purple. It began with two lace panels over her shoulders and became a sweetheart neckline that eventually stopped at a belt hugging her waist. From there, it gently flared out into a softly pleated skirt made of layers of thin fabric and stopped just above her knees. She’d bought a brand new pair of shoes for the occasion and made sure they matched the dress as she stepped into them to complete the look. As far as jewelry was concerned, she clipped a simple bracelet around her wrist and wore matching earrings as well. It was all very stressful, really, although Steve wasn’t intimidating in the slightest.

She’d insisted that they meet at the restaurant instead of him picking her up. She showed up fifteen minutes before they’d agreed to meet and assumed that she’d be the first one there-- but no. The hostess cheerfully informed her that the other member of her party had already been seated and guided her into the restaurant until she pointed out a little table where Steve was slowly nursing a beer. When he saw her, he practically jumped up out of his chair and stood beside the table, quickly moving around it to pull her chair out for her.

“You look amazing,” he said, leaning down for a quick peck on the lips before taking his seat again. “I remembered.” He indicated the martini sitting on her side of the table. “Vodka martini, with olives.”

Natasha didn’t know why she was so nervous. It was only Steve, and it wasn’t as though she was prone to being intimidated by anyone, let alone someone who had proven time and time again to be benign. “Thank you,” she said, immediately opening her menu to peruse her options. That would take up a few minutes, right? It didn’t have to be all weird conversation.

When the waitress came by to take their order, Natasha asked for salad first and grilled salmon for her entree with a side of the rice pilaf and grilled vegetables. Steve ordered soup for his appetizer and a large steak for his entree, along with mashed potatoes and vegetables on the side. And then it was just them, no menus, no reason to not talk. Natasha grabbed her martini and took a long sip.

“You look nervous,” he observed. “Feeling alright?”

“Me?” Natasha let out a little laugh. “I’m fine. Why would I be nervous?”

Steve smiled. “You tell me,” he answered, clearly amused by the whole thing.

He knew too much and Natasha had no idea what she ought to bring up in order to get the conversation moving. Having dinner like this felt so artificial to her; they usually laughed over takeout or as they wandered into the bedroom. Here, they had this unseen pressure sitting above their table and it dropped down inch by inch every time a mistake was made.

“How is your mother feeling?” She ventured. “She should be coming to see me this week.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, I’m gonna bring her in on Thursday. I know that’s usually your slow day.” He took a sip of his drink. “She says she’s feeling fine. I told her to take it slow and everything, but she’s not exactly the best patient.”

“I’m definitely telling her you said that,” Natasha teased.

Steve sighed. “Go ahead and tell her,” he challenged. “We’re both shitty patients. It’s in my genes, I swear.”

“Oh, so you’re one of those people who can’t just sit down when they’re sick.”

“That’s me,” he laughed. “You know, I spent so much time being sick when I was a kid that now I’m just… unwilling. You know? I work my way through it and pretend I’m fine, and then I am fine.” Steve shrugged a little and gave her a wide smile as their appetizers were set down in front of them. “Besides, something tells me you’re not a good patient either.”

Natasha smirked. “You’ll never have to find out, because I don’t get sick.”

Steve raised his eyebrows. “Never?”

She shrugged. “If I do get sick, you’ll never know about it.”

“Oh, I’ll know about it,” he said confidently. “I’ll definitely know about it.”

They ate their appetizers mostly in comfortable silence. Natasha still felt like she was doing something wrong, but ultimately assumed that the longer they were quiet, the more likely it was that they got out of this without having a fight and without her insulting him in some way. She just hadn’t been on a date like this in a long time; the last date hadn’t exactly been with someone she actively cared about, let alone someone she thought she loved.

By the time the waitress took their plates away to clear the table for their entrees, Natasha had come up with something else they could talk about and she felt pretty proud of herself for it.

“I was thinking we might be able to set Bucky up with someone,” she suggested. Payback was a bitch, right? She did think he deserved to be happy too, but she hadn’t yet forgotten that discussion in her office. If he could meddle, then so could she- with the best intentions, of course. “Do you think he’d be up for it?”

Steve raised his eyebrows. “That depends, did you want to find someone as surly as he is?”

Natasha smiled and shook her head. “No, I think I have someone he’d like. I heard one of the nurses talking to the others about how handsome he is. The others weren’t… entirely supportive, but she looked like she liked him.”

“Which one?”

“Wanda? She’s probably a few years younger, in her twenties. But she’s the one who was pushing you out of the room when we came back for your mother,” she explained. “Long brown hair?”

“Ah, yeah, I know which one you’re talking about,” he nodded. “I mean, I can ask him. Worst he can do is say no, right?”

“Try not to let him say no,” she shrugged. “He’s a good person and he  _ deserves _ to get back out there and find someone.” Natasha knew Bucky would know that she was behind this and despite the fact that she did believe what she was saying, it was also done knowing that Bucky would be ‘uncomfortable’ the way she had been before.

Their entrees came and Steve cut into his steak with all the vigor of someone who hadn’t eaten in days. Two bites in, he speared another piece and held it up a little. “You wanna try this? It’s delicious.”

Natasha glanced at his fork for a second. He wanted to share food? What did that mean? Biting back comments about how much of an unbelievable dork he was for getting so excited about his food, she decided that it wouldn’t be… polite or whatever to lean across the table and take a bite off his fork. “I think I’m okay,” she said as she took another forkful of her salmon.

“Your loss,” he answered. “Where’d you find this place anyway?”

Hours of research and recommendations and taking Steve’s tastes into account, plus finding a place that had a reservation that suited them. “Oh, I read about it somewhere,” she answered. “I thought we could give it a try. And it’s not sushi, so I figured it would be alright with you.”

“And you still got fish. You just can’t stay away from it.”

“Hey, it’s cooked,” she protested. “That’s a different story.”

They lapsed into silence again and Natasha could hardly focus on her food when she was so worried about talking points. If they couldn’t speak normally on a date, then did they actually have a chance? Steve was going to think she was some reject who couldn’t survive a normal conversation or something. Finishing her martini, she flagged down their waitress and asked for another in the hopes that it would loosen her up enough to not ruin this.

“So, tell me. Does the hospital do anything special for Halloween? Because it’s coming up and I’m not gonna lie, it’s one of my favorite holidays.”

Of course it was. “No, not really. There are some decorations here and there, but we don’t have a party or anything. It’s kind of hard to dress up when you’ve got to deliver bad news…”

Steve nodded. “I guess that’s true. Okay, so… do you do anything special? Any annual parties or whatever?”

Natasha felt so, so awkward talking about this. It was like bringing her actual life into something that had been kept relatively separate so far. “Not really,” she answered. “I give out candy if I can, but other than that… I just watch a scary movie and eat chocolate.” Alone, which was generally the way she preferred it.

“Maybe Stark will throw a party this time,” he suggested. “He looks like the type.”

That was true. “Well, if he does then I guess we have to go,” she answered. “What would you dress up as, you think?”

Steve thought about it for a couple of minutes while he chewed another bite of his steak. “Maybe something with a cape,” he laughed. “Like a superhero or something.”

Natasha stopped eating and raised her eyebrows. “Are you going to wear tights?”

“I mean, if it makes the look work…” He shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

“That’s something I need to see. Superhero sounds good to me. Or maybe a prince or something. Nurse Charming can finally come to life for real.”

Steve grinned bashfully and shook his head. “We’ll see. But wait, what would you dress up as?”

Natasha sighed. “Oh, right, I’d have to dress up too,” she deadpanned. “Hm… Maybe a witch?”

“A sexy witch?”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re impossible,” she told him. “Sure, let’s say a sexy witch.”

“Now that sounds like a recipe for an interesting night. A sexy witch and Nurse Charming.”

Was this a normal conversation to have on a date? Natasha felt like they were just talking like they always did. Was it supposed to feel different? Was she blowing this all because their conversation felt like it always did? Was she supposed to be more sentimental? Should she be openly flirting the way she imagined other people did? What better way to commit to a real relationship than volunteering to do something that made her incredibly uncomfortable?

“Or maybe we could go as prince and princess,” she suggested almost shyly. Natasha wasn’t good at the whole innocent flirtation thing; it was seduction or bust. “That might be nice.”

Steve blinked at her and smiled. “Sure,” he agreed. “I bet you’d look pretty cute as a princess.”

She thought she’d look perfectly ridiculous, but Natasha smiled anyway. “And then we can have our own little happily ever after when the party’s over.” Cheesy as it was, that was way more her speed than anything else.

Thankfully, their entrees were finished pretty quickly and Natasha sat back thinking the night was almost over. She was two and a half martinis in and hadn’t managed to loosen up at all; it felt like she was being too casual because obviously whatever definition of a real relationship he had would include some kind of formality. Right?

And then the waitress came over to offer them dessert.

She made a snap decision and basically refused dessert, so Steve just asked the waitress if he could have the chocolate lava cake with two spoons so they could share. Natasha plastered a smile on her face to fight off the intense revulsion that came with imagining such a scenario.

“Something wrong?”

Steve looked like he had no idea what could have possibly been getting to her and Natasha knew that it was her own stupid problems that were getting in the way. It wasn’t his fault that she was emotionally stunted. “No, of course not,” she answered smoothly, sliding her hand onto the table and feeling a burst of success when Steve took it. Ha! She was  _ holding hands _ . This was huge, okay? He should be fucking honored.

And bless him, Steve looked like he really  _ was _ honored. “You know, there was something I wanted to ask you,” he said. It was like every word made Natasha’s heart pick up a little more. “Since my ma already met you and everything, I was kind of hoping you’d come over to her house for dinner? She keeps asking and it’s kind of about time I brought a girl home…”

Oof. Well, at least she’d already met Sarah. And she knew that Sarah liked her, so there was really no reason to be scared. Right? Except that Steve didn’t know that Sarah had said anything to Natasha, so she had to pretend… or did she? What would be more normal?

“Meeting your mother as your girlfriend is a lot different from meeting her as her doctor and your colleague.”

Steve licked his lips and she could see him trying not to smile too widely. “Are you really my girlfriend now?”

Shit. Natasha could feel her cheeks heat up as Steve took her hand  _ between  _ his own and gave her this goofy, mushy smile she wanted to wipe right off his face with a kiss to get them in the right direction. “Do…” She pressed her lips together. “Do you want me to be your girlfriend?”

The smile he’d been so careful to hold back a moment ago exploded into this huge, bright, sunshine smile at her words. “Yeah.” He nodded quickly. “Yeah, I do. Will you?”

Natasha rolled her eyes at him, but she also couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off her own face. She was practically his girlfriend already, it was just a word, and there was something kind of wonderful about the fact that he was so  _ excited _ to be attached to her in an official way.

“I will,” she confirmed.

Steve was on his feet and leaning over to give her a kiss before the words even fully passed Natasha’s lips. She laughed lightly as he kissed her and when they parted, their amused waitress was standing by with their dessert. She set it down with two forks, as requested, and told them to enjoy themselves.

Now, Natasha thought that sharing a dessert at a candlelit table at a romantic restaurant was probably sitting right on the line that indicated the extent of her patience with all of this. It was uncomfortable and weird and it didn’t feel like ‘them’ at all, but she made the supreme decision to let Steve have this in the hopes that he wouldn’t ask for much more in the future. They enjoyed the cake together and Natasha tried not to gag when Steve happily offered to feed her a bite off his fork.

When the check came, Steve went to reach for it and Natasha stole it right under his hand without a word. “This one’s on me,” she said firmly. It was her own little way of maintaining the control of this situation even though she’d basically sacrificed her dignity to deal with all this romance. “You can get the next one.” It was a rehearsed line; Natasha figured that it would hopefully assuage his outrage at not paying (Steve was just one of those guys) and soothe him because there would be another date in the future.

Steve took it well, but he pulled out his wallet anyway. “I’ve got the tip,” he said, and she accepted. Fine. It wasn’t quite going dutch, but it meant that he had some input here.

And that was it!

They paid and Steve  _ took her hand _ while they made their way out, but the date itself was over and Natasha could not be happier. She’d survived an actual date with Steve and they hadn’t fought over anything at all, not even once. Steve hailed a cab and in the backseat, he finally leaned over to kiss her neck and slide his hand over her thigh.

“Did I mention how good you look in this dress?” He whispered hotly against her ear.

Natasha smiled and leaned her head back. “Not specifically, but better late than never.”

Steve toyed with the hem of her skirt. “You look good enough to eat,” he teased lightly. His lips brushed over her earlobe and Natasha could feel the tips of his fingers ghost over her inner thigh under her skirt. Oh, no he was not. Natasha’s breath caught as he kissed her jaw and slid his hand further up to just rest between her legs, fingers brushing over the smooth material of her panties. Well, fuck him. The bastard smiled against her jaw and Natasha shivered. “Are you wet already?”

It was a little difficult to  _ not _ be wet when he was touching her the way he was. A little pressure here and there, and all she needed was a warm kiss on her lips to seal the deal that their night was going to be a very, very good one. 

 

The trip from the restaurant way over the bridge and into Brooklyn was basically torture. Natasha distinctly regretted her decision to go to his place instead of the other way around, but only because he teased her for the entire trip. Even when she snapped and caught his lips to get a little relief, Steve managed to one up her by deepening it in a way she just wasn’t used to. He’d never been so… so dominant with her before right off the bat. Usually he had to be goaded into it. What was  _ happening _ ?

When they finally got inside, Natasha took Steve’s hand and marched him right past Bucky as per usual. “Hi, Bucky,” she said when he looked up. “Bye, Bucky.”

Bucky smirked. “Hi, Nat. Bye,Nat.”

As soon as the door shut behind them, Natasha had half a mind to torture Steve in very much the same way as he’d been torturing her for forty five minutes, but she didn’t have the chance. She didn’t have the chance because Steve had her back against the wall and both arms pinned above her head.

“Rogers, I swear to God--”

When he kissed her this time, it was enough to make her knees wobble. Natasha hated him and loved him for it at the same time; if there were ever a need for her to think of a reason to keep him around, his endless enthusiasm in the bedroom would be enough. He was like a force of nature right now. Natasha was happy to just let it happen, but she wondered what exactly had set him off and thought with some duress that it was the sweetness of their dinner; the hand holding, the shared dessert, all the things that made her want to gag.

By the time he got her dress off and she got his belt undone, Natasha was perhaps a little too eager for something so familiar. They fell onto the bed in a heap and Steve fumbled for a condom only to come up---empty.

“Um. I have a problem.”

Natasha lifted her head. “What?”

Steve gave her a sheepish look and brought his empty hand up for her to see. “I think I’m out of condoms.”

“You  _ think _ you’re out of condoms?”

Steve rolled over onto his side and rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m out of fucking condoms.”

Well, that was inconvenient. Natasha briefly considered just letting him go ahead anyway, but even with her reduced chances of actually conceiving, it was a risk she wasn’t willing to take right now. It took her a few minutes to actually think of the most obvious solution and she popped up ready to take advantage of Steve’s mouth.

“Not to sound like some kind of horny teenage boy, but… sixty nine?”

Steve smiled immediately. “Yeah,” he answered. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

Natasha climbed on top of him and straddled his head so he could bury his face between her legs as he was wont to do. She leaned forward as he began so she could reciprocate, but the differences in their height meant that it was almost impossible for her to actually put her mouth on him at the same time. She tried once, twice, three times, and then burst out laughing as she stroked him with one hand and let her head fall somewhere around the bottom of his rib cage.

Steve pulled his mouth off her for a moment and she could feel him smiling against her thigh. “Having some trouble?”

“I can’t reach,” she laughed, giving him a pointed squeeze.

Steve laughed as well and by the time they settled down, Natasha had decided that hands were the way to go today. It was just meant to be. The thing was that she hadn’t anticipated the experience to be so… intimate. Steve cupped his hand between her legs and let her grind down against the heel of his hand while his fingers were buried deep inside her. At the same time, she stroked him from root to tip, cupping her hand over the head every now and then to give him something to press up against. As they were laying on their sides facing one another, they were able to share kisses whenever they liked, or just share space as their heavy breaths mingled between them.

Ultimately, it felt close to making love- which was surprising if only because while Natasha appreciated the concept of things other than traditional sex being intimate, she hadn’t thought she would ever be able to feel that way. She came before him and buried her face in his neck as she brought him over the edge as well. Steve let out a low groan as he finally let go and Natasha quickly leaned back to catch his lips in a series of rough kisses just so she could taste that pleasure on his lips right away.

 

In the aftermath, after they’d cleaned up and curled up under his sheets for the night, Natasha found herself feeling very affectionate. She said nothing, but she let Steve hold her from behind with one strong arm wrapped around her waist and his nose in her hair.

“I pretty much raised myself.”

It was uncouth and random and harsh, but Natasha saw her little admission as not just something embarrassing; it was also a chance for her to open up and tell him some of the truth about her life. “My father moved us here after my mother died and he wasn’t very interested in anything that wasn’t beer or food or other women, so I basically raised myself. I made my own lunches, I took myself to school, I even learned how to do laundry when I was a kid.”

Steve’s arm tightened around her a little bit. “All my life, I just wanted to be able to accomplish something and make a better life for myself, and I have. But I closed myself off to other people. Other people are  _ always _ a disappointment, they’re always a distraction.”

Natasha felt like she was talking too much, but Steve didn’t respond in a verbal way and just kissed her shoulder instead. She took that as license to continue. “I never had a boyfriend in school,” she confessed. “I lost my virginity because I went through a phase when I felt like I needed to have some kind of connection and the guy told all his friends that we’d done it. Instead of that bitch who never talked to anyone, I was that  _ slutty _ bitch who never talked to anyone. Just another disappointment, just like pretty much any guy I’ve dated from then on. They always want more than I’m willing to give. One berated me for not wanting to meet his parents, another said I dressed like I was asking for it when I wouldn’t sleep with him on the first date, another said that after four dates, I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to call things off because he was emotionally invested.” She shook her head a little bit.

“I met Clint while I was in medical school. We started sleeping together and seeing each other and it was so comfortable. Of course, we realized that was because we were way better off as friends, maybe friends with benefits, than we were as a couple.” She shifted in Steve’s arms and made the supreme decision to turn around and face him. Her eyes were focused on his now, her brow creased a little bit as she searched his gaze for understanding, or possibly irritation.

“Clint was the one person I knew I could count on until I came here and met Pepper. Then I had them both; two friends, both of whom I trust completely.” She reached up and touched Steve’s jaw, her fingertips tracing along the hard line like she was trying to memorize it because eventually, he’d leave. “You throw everything I know out of whack,” she told him. “I don’t trust it.”

Steve’s gaze held no irritation. He didn’t look bothered by what she was saying, just sympathetic. “You don’t have to trust it,” he said quietly. “I’m just relieved that you  _ feel _ it.”

Natasha’s lips parted in surprise. “I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know how long it’ll be until I can do this,  _ if _ I can.”

“Then I’ll wait,” he shrugged, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “And for the record? You really don’t have to try so hard when we go out. For a while there, I was just having fun pushing it to see if you’d snap and tell me to stop.”

Natasha’s face went from relieved to shocked. “You what?”

“Come on,” he laughed, bracing himself for her reaction. “Do I really look like the type to hold hands over a dinner table like that? Food is way more important than all that sentiment.”

Natasha gasped and shoved at his chest. “You suck! Oh my God, I was practically gagging that whole time and you  _ knew--” _

“Of course I knew! I might want to hold your hand every now and then, but over dinner? Sharing dessert with you?” He laughed again. “ _ Feeding  _ you off my fork?” Steve laughed to himself a little more and tried to half-heartedly block his face as Natasha shoved at him a few more times. “And you’re gonna dress up like a fuckin’ princess, don’t think I forgot that!”

“You are such a fucking asshole,” she accused, still shoving at his chest even as he wrapped his arms around her to contain her a little bit.

“Your face was fuckin’ priceless too,” he continued to cackle. “You looked like you were gonna punch me.”

“I  _ was _ going to punch you! You’re such an ass!” Natasha tackled him onto his back to continue her assault, but deep down? She was so completely relieved that he wasn’t that person. Huffing angrily, she poked his chest and sat up on top of him. “I’m getting a drink. Maybe I’ll stay up and watch TV with Bucky instead.  _ He _ wouldn’t tease me like that.”

She slid off him and grabbed a tshirt so she could pad right out of the room while Steve continued to laugh to himself. “You’re not gonna do that,” he challenged, but when she didn’t return after a few minutes, Steve called after her. Twice. No answer. Pulling a pair of thin pajama pants on, he left the room and found Natasha sitting on the couch with Bucky, her bare legs propped up on the coffee table and a glass of water in hand.

“I told you,” she said easily, patting the cushion beside her.

Steve scoffed and landed beside her so Natasha was bracketed by the two men on either side of her. She looked even smaller by comparison and Steve put an arm around her just to be a pain.

“Guess she wanted some  _ other _ company,” Bucky commented. Steve punched his shoulder with the arm around Natasha, but grinned anyway. It was easy for the three of them to settle into a comfortable rhythm after that; they watched Jeopardy and answered the questions out loud as fast as they could. 

 

At some point, Natasha curled into Steve’s side and fell asleep there, her cheek pillowed against his chest and her arm thrown over his waist.

Bucky glanced over and grunted a little. “She’s not so bad,” he said.

“She wants to set you up on a date.” Ignoring Bucky’s horrified look, Steve leaned his head back and brushed his fingers through Natasha’s curls while he smiled to himself. “But you’re right. She’s not bad at all.”


	10. Chapter 10

Natasha was pretty sure that having dinner with someone as sweet and benign as Sarah was not supposed to be as terrifying as this felt. Considering she’d already met Steve’s mother _and_ had seen her every two weeks since she’d been admitted to the hospital for maintenance of her Coumadin levels, this was really just an unnecessary level of anxiety to be dealing with.

As far as she knew, it was only going to be her, Sarah, Steve, and Bucky. She might have blanched when she realized that Bucky was going to be there as well if only because he seemed to see right through any attempts to be domestic and she was trying her best to be as wholesome as possible for Sarah’s sake.

As soon as she showed up at Steve’s place, Bucky snorted and gave her a look that made her want to slap it right off his face. “Well, don’t you look incredibly wholesome,” he commented. “Are you trying out for a role as Mrs. Rogers, or…?”

Natasha glared at him and punched his shoulder before Steve could do it for her. “I’m trying to make a good impression,” she answered. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Course not,” Steve added.

“Yeah, except Sarah already knows you,” Bucky deadpanned. “What’s the point of all this?”

Natasha didn’t know, honestly. She’d tried on no less than ten different outfits while she was preparing for dinner and none of them had seemed right, so she’d gone with the most wholesome she could find. Considering it was October and she couldn’t very well go to dinner in a sundress, she’d elected to wear a long sleeved dress with a flouncy skirt and a delicate floral pattern decorating the whole thing. It was… sweet, she thought, although she wasn’t sure if she looked sweet in it. Considering that most of her clothing was a little less sweet and ultimately geared towards being flattering, this was ever so slightly out of character. She even wore black tights and little black booties to pull the outfit together, and she put her hair up in a harmless ponytail.

“I think you look nice,” Steve offered as he leaned down for a kiss.

Natasha gave it to him, but immediately continued glaring at Bucky when she pulled back. “At least I made an effort,” she said, gesturing to the old knit sweater he was wearing. “Where did you dig that thing up from?”

“Oh, this?” Bucky touched his sweater and gave her an innocent look. “This? You mean the sweater Sarah knitted for me last year?”

Natasha stared at him and her eyebrows slowly furrowed. Of course. Of course she’d go and insult something made with love by the very person she was trying to impress. It was a good thing she wasn’t in front of Sarah right now.

“Fuck, I’m not going to make it through this,” she mumbled as she turned her eyes away.

Bucky laughed as Steve went in to comfort her. “You’ll be fine,” he shrugged. “C’mon, Steve. Tell her she’ll be fine. Sarah’s bark is a lot worse than her bite.”

Steve laced their fingers together and lifted her hand up to kiss her knuckles. “You’ll be fine,” he promised. “My mom already likes you, believe me. I’m pretty sure she’s only pushing for this so much because she wants me to bring _one_ girl over, you know?”

The trip to his mother’s place wasn’t that long and soon enough, Steve was taking Natasha’s coat to hang up while Bucky announced that they’d arrived. Sarah came out and kissed each of her boys before doing the same to Natasha. “I’m glad we’re finally doing this,” she offered the older woman, the woman who could make or break her relationship with Steve, she was sure.

“So am I, dear. Come, come. You can help me in the kitchen.”

Natasha glanced back to Steve as Bucky snickered and Sarah took her hand to lead her into the other room. Something already smelled delicious and she realized all of a sudden that Sarah had put a lot of effort into this dinner they were having; Steve was her only son and he’d never brought anyone over before, so this was kind of a big deal.

“I’m not much of a cook,” she admitted to the older woman. “But I’ll help where I can.”

Sarah gave her a smile. “You can do heart surgery,” she quipped as she tied an apron around Natasha’s waist to keep her dress clean. “I’m pretty sure you can mash those potatoes a little more for me.”

After a brief glance down at her _apron_ , Natasha did as she was told and mashed the hell out of the indicated potatoes, adding milk and butter and salt at Sarah’s insistence that she taste them to make sure they were good. Eventually, they plated everything up and set the dishes on the table before calling the boys in to eat.

Steve and Bucky were laughing as they came in, but when they spotted Natasha with one hand on the back of a chair and the other on her hip, apron still tied around her waist? Bucky _erupted_ into laughter, bending forward with his arm over his stomach and everything. Natasha pressed her lips together and arched one eyebrow at him before her gaze snapped to Steve.

“Ah, you look…” He trailed off and smiled widely, letting out a soft laugh. “Domestic.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, but she was more amused than anything else. “Do I?”

“Yeah.” Steve wandered over and slid his hand onto her waist, leaning down to give her a kiss that was kept short and appropriate given where they were at the moment and their audience, though only Sarah was watching them.

“Oh, you two are so sweet,” she cooed over them, turning after that to pinch Bucky’s ear between two fingers and scold him for laughing.

Soon enough, the aprons were abandoned in the kitchen and everyone sat down for dinner together; Steve and Natasha sat on one side of the table, Sarah and Bucky sat on the other. They had beautiful, golden roast chicken, the mashed potatoes that Natasha had practically slaved over, sauteed stringbeans with roasted garlic, and buttery little dinner rolls that _had_ to be made by hand. All three guests were so taken with the food that there was a comfortable silence for a while before Sarah spoke up to get things started.

“So,” she said brightly. “When should I expect a wedding?”

Steve choked on his current mouthful of food and Natasha, cool as ever, reached over to pat his back as he coughed and eventually got it all down. “Ma, can you not?” He pleaded, his whole face turning red. “Please? That’s not-- We’re not--”

Sarah watched him with a small, amused smile. “You can’t _blame_ me for asking.”

“But it’s-- I mean, Natasha’s--” Steve was adorable when he got all flustered.

“What he’s trying to say is that we’re not thinking about marriage just yet,” she interrupted smoothly. “But when and if we do, you’ll be the first to know.”

Sarah smiled at Natasha, then glanced at her son and gave him a look. “Was that so hard?”

The rest of the dinner went very well. They enjoyed a few funny stories about Steve and Bucky as children, much to Natasha’s amusement, but eventually Sarah’s attention turned to what she didn’t know about Natasha. After all, it was natural to ask questions about her son’s girlfriend; Natasha had prepared herself for that.

“Natasha, what about your father?” She prompted. “Are you planning on having this dinner with him as well?”

Uh oh. Natasha took a long sip of her water and licked her lips. “Probably not,” she answered.

Steve was actually the one who spoke up to ask the obvious question. “Why not?”

Because her father wasn’t exactly a pleasant man. Because she never really spoke to him unless it was for his birthday, or Christmas. Because she didn’t want to answer the question of why she was bringing home some Irish guy instead of a Russian like them. Because the thought of Steve seeing where she’d come from made her itch.

“I just don’t speak to him very often,” she reasoned. “It’s not necessary, he doesn’t care who I’m dating.” She gave a little shrug and took another bite, the last bite, of her food. “Okay?”

Steve’s brow furrowed a little bit, but everyone nodded and accepted the answer she’d given.

 

When everyone was finished eating, Sarah asked the boys to clear the table and do the dishes while she and Natasha retired to the living room-- where she broke out the photo albums. The first thing she showed Natasha were the baby pictures, of course. Steve was a little thing with light blonde hair and blue eyes, but as he grew up over time, she realized that he hadn’t been kidding about the fact that he’d been small.

He was _tiny_. “That’s Steve?” She gasped. “Oh my God.”

“I know,” Sarah laughed. “He was such a small child, and so thin as a young man…” She indicated a few pictures with a tiny Steve burdened by Bucky’s arm over his shoulders. “He didn’t really put on any weight until he was almost twenty.” She pointed out pictures of him in high school, shyly drawing as she snapped the pictures. The school pictures were sweet as well, but Natasha mostly preferred those candid pictures of Steve and Bucky together. Bucky had both arms, she noticed, and his hair was cut much shorter than it was now.

The pictures of Steve in uniform had her raising her eyebrows because _wow_ , he looked fantastic. She nearly asked to keep one or two of them for herself, but took a mental picture instead because that would be weird.

“Oh, no,” Steve groaned as the boys joined them. “Not the pictures.” He landed on Natasha’s other side and Bucky chose the chair nearby. “Ma, come on. I don’t need to be embarrassed any more than usual…”

“Hush, you were both adorable.” Sarah waved him off and Natasha laughed as she continued to flip through all the childhood photos Sarah provided to her.

“You _were_ adorable,” she told them. “Such sweet little boys.”

Steve covered his face with both hands and groaned. Bucky, however, just shrugged and smirked. “What d’you mean ‘were’?” He quipped. “I’m adorable now.”

Natasha scoffed. “You wish,” she shot back. “You _wish_.”

“Aw, I think you’re cute,” Steve laughed.

“See?” Bucky asked. “ _Someone_ thinks I’m cute.”

“Yes, yes, we all know how cute you are,” Sarah interrupted. “So cute that you’re going to come and help me with dessert.” She stood up and Bucky, like an obedient son, followed right along behind her. He did flip Natasha and Steve off when they laughed, though.

Dessert turned out to be warm, homemade apple pie topped with vanilla ice cream and not only did Natasha happily finish the serving she was given, she accepted a second serving as well. It was the perfect ending to the perfect evening; Natasha hadn’t ever suspected that it would go so smoothly because she was sure she’d mess something up, somehow. But Sarah kissed each of them good night and they left in a group to head back to Steve’s place.

“I think that went well,” Natasha mused as they piled into a cab.

Steve gave her a funny look. “Was there any reason to think it wouldn’t?”

 

Natasha rolled her eyes at him, but he got a kiss for that little remark and flipped Bucky off when he groaned in displeasure at the display. That night, Natasha sprawled out on top of Steve and detailed her plans to get Bucky on a double date with them.

“So, we tell him we want to have dinner with him, ask him to dress nicely, and when he shows up we’ll be there waiting with Wanda.” She smiled mischievously. “It’s perfect, he won’t suspect a thing.”

Steve hesitated. “If I ask him to dress up and come meet us, he’ll suspect something. Bucky’s not the type to not question something that’s a little out of the ordinary.”

Natasha sighed. “What’s coming up? Do we have anything coming up that would warrant a celebration?”

“You know, it’s funny that you mention celebrations,” he mused. “Because I’m like ninety nine percent sure you said your birthday was in November…”

Her eyes narrowed immediately. “No.”

“No?”

“I have no birthday. Let it go.”

“Oh, you just came into being, huh? Like Aphrodite or some shit.”

Natasha rolled off him and huffed. “Yes,” she said simply.

And that was it for the evening, but she had a feeling she was going to live to regret telling him when she was born. Steve was the type for sweet things and nice gestures and if he wanted to do something nice for her on her birthday--- Natasha would grit her teeth and allow it.

 

Halloween came pretty quickly and upon further consideration, they decided that they would not be sharing a couples’ costume. With that said, Steve was somewhat elated to find that while Stark had neglected to throw a Halloween party, he had a friend who absolutely was! They made a pact to surprise each other with their costumes and with Bucky’s sworn word that he would come along, they had a date.

Natasha put more thought than she would ever admit to into her costume and came up with something that would certainly invite conversation if not a bit of manhandling before the party was over. She decided to dress up like Catwoman; upon some consideration, she elected to wear the Anne Hathaway version instead of the original if only because she thought it looked sleeker. And so, she showed up at Steve’s place in a skin tight black leather catsuit, thigh high heeled boots, and a black mask to keep her identity a secret. She even straightened her hair and stuck a pair of little cat ears on to complete the look.

“Oh. My. God.” Bucky gave her a good once over and turned back a little bit to yell over his shoulder, but his eyes never left her. “Steve! Get out here!”

“Really? You’re gonna get on my case about Catwoman when you’re dressed as--” Natasha surveyed his costume and pressed her lips together. He was wearing what looked like a lot of rags, there was blood around his mouth, and his hair was wild and loose instead of neatly tied back like it usually was. “What are you, exactly?”

Bucky gave her a look. “I’m a zombie,” he said like it was obvious. “A zombie missing an arm.”

He brandished his good arm at her and groaned a little bit while he limped forward, which just made her laugh. “Dork.”

But then Steve came to the door. Natasha was somewhere between wanting to laugh and wanting to cry, but the simple fact was that he looked really, really good. Steve, in his infinite wisdom, had decided to dress up as a cowboy. His costume was made up of a pair of indecently tight jeans, cowboy boots, a red, plaid shirt that was left partially open over his chest, and a leather vest as well. To top it all off, he was wearing a brown leather cowboy hat that he pulled off the second he laid eyes on her.

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Well, don’t you look like… a stripper,” she mused.

“Me?” Steve scoffed. “You’re wearing a catsuit. I’m gonna have to beat the guys off with a stick.”

They headed to the party in a cab and Natasha was informed that this friend who was throwing the party happened to be rather well off, and that he was likely to introduce himself. Steve said she'd know him when she saw him; his name was Thor.

Alright, then.

When they arrived, they entered a packed mansion and were almost immediately stopped by a thin man with black hair all dressed up as a vampire. “Steve, _James_ ,” he drawled smoothly. “Lovely to see you again.”

Bucky scowled, but Steve just smiled politely. “Yeah, you too, Loki. And let me just say that your costume looks _incredibly_ appropriate.”

Natasha watched the exchange and figured that there was a story here; she'd get it out of Steve later. When she was introduced as his girlfriend, she offered Loki a thin smile. “Nice to meet you,” she said politely.

Loki gave her a once over and nodded like he was giving her costume his own personal stamp of approval. “You too, love. Very nice.”

Out of _nowhere_ , a massive blond man joined them by slinging one bare, _beautiful_ arm around Loki’s shoulders and grinning widely. He was dressed as a caveman and Natasha was just as amused as she was thoroughly impressed. “I see you remember my brother,” he laughed. “Steve, Bucky, I’m glad you could both make it.” His gaze moved to Natasha and he only smiled a little wider-- God, there was no shortage of smiles where this guy was concerned. “And who is this?”

Steve put his arm around Natasha’s waist and introduced her as his girlfriend, which she actually didn’t find nauseating-- progress! “You _must_ be Thor,” she laughed.

“Guilty!” He laughed in return, stepping forward to embrace her because he was apparently just that friendly. “It’s a pleasure, love, a pleasure. I’m glad Steve has found someone at last!”

It was over in a flurry of good manners and smiles. Eventually Thor excused himself to see to his other guests and, with a slight sneer, Loki followed after him. She stepped back and shook her head, letting out a short breath.

“Well, he’s just---”

“I know, right? He’s like the nicest person I’ve ever met,” Steve said warmly.

“I mean, I was going to say ‘gorgeous’ or ‘godly’ or something like that, but I guess ‘nice’ works too,” she deadpanned, shrugging off his shock at her praise of the other man.

Steve gave her a look and leaned down to kiss her cheek. “I hear music. You wanna dance?”

Natasha leaned into him and offered up a wide smile in return. “I do.”

They leaned in for a kiss and Bucky groaned behind them. “I’m gonna get a drink,” he mumbled, wandering off to find the best booze he could and most likely just settle down for the night. If they had to carry him home, so be it.

 

Unfortunately, the party became the kind of gathering wherein there were so many people on the dance floor in a confined space that the heat was rising before anyone knew it and countless dances and drinks later, both Natasha and Steve were really feeling it. The humidity didn’t help either, but they were having so much fun that they didn’t actually leave until their dancing turned into the kind of foreplay they needed to see through to the end, although the fact that they were sweating on this uncharacteristically warm night made things a little difficult. Once they said goodbye and a big thanks to Thor, they found Bucky brooding outside near the deserted pool and Steve hoisted his good arm around his shoulders while Natasha arranged for an uber.

By the time they stumbled into Steve's apartment, Steve seemed so eager to get her clothes off that they tripped and nearly fell right there in the entryway. “Bedroom, Steve,” she chided.

“Bedroom,” he mumbled against her lips, already unclipping the belt around her hips and tossing it aside. “Right.” Eventually, he kind of lost his patience with backing her up towards the bedroom and bent down, taking her right off her feet to throw her over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry.

“What-- Hey!” Natasha laughed as she protested his decision, but she was thrown onto the bed with an oompf and other matters managed to just about disappear because Steve tearing his own shirt almost beat when she could do it for him. And watching him drag the zipper of her catsuit down was actually even more appealing-- but holding on to the opposite edge of the bed while he started to tug her boots off? Not so exciting.

“Did you put these on with glue or something?” Steve grunted as he tugged at her boots. For the record she hadn’t used glue at all, but the leather plus an evening of being on her feet made things a little difficult. Natasha did what she could to pull her foot out of them and eventually, they were in a pile on the floor where they belonged.

Finally, Steve was able to start pulling the catsuit off her shoulders and down her arms. Natasha was only wearing a black thong and a strapless bra underneath, so that would be easy for him. Unfortunately, the fit and the material of the catsuit made it nearly impossible for him to drag the whole thing off the way he wanted to. He grunted when he got to her hips and Natasha laughed even as the material got stuck to her skin here and there.

Steve huffed a little and smiled, but when he couldn’t quite get it to come off her legs without a fight, he just landed on the bed beside her and laughed as he covered his face with his hands.

“So, I think I’m getting an actual work out here,” he laughed. “At this rate, we’re gonna pass out before we actually have sex.”

Natasha laughed in return and pushed herself up so she could disrobe completely save for her black underthings. “Let’s get to something easy,” she suggested as she stood up to lean over him. “Shouldn’t be too hard to get you undressed.”

And yet.

Natasha unbuckled Steve’s belt and went to pull his jeans off only to find herself dealing with resistance. “What is happening,” she muttered as she tugged them down inch by inch, only succeeding in grunting to herself until she got them down to his knees. When she finally got them off, she landed with a sigh beside Steve on the bed and shook her head. “Okay, no more tight clothes when we go to parties,” she said. “Getting each other out of them is way too hard.”

Steve chuckled. “Too hard,” he countered. “I’ve got something else that’s too hard.”

He took her hand and placed it right on his erection like it wasn’t at half mast—and like he was a thirteen year old boy, goodness. “You’re going to pay for that,” Natasha groaned. “That was awful.”

Laughing easily, Steve rolled over to lie on top of her and only grinned when she huffed from the weight; obviously he was a lot bigger, so he made sure he wasn’t putting all of his weight on her, at least. “You love it,” he told her, pecking her on the lips. “Don’t lie.”

For a moment, Natasha idly wondered whether or not he meant something else by that. It wasn’t so much that she loved his lame jokes; it was that she loved him. She wondered whether or not he’d ever need to hear that said out loud. She couldn’t even imagine being comfortable enough to verbalize how she felt about him—she just wanted him to understand without hearing it.

“You know, you’re right,” she answered. “I have a soft spot for absolutely atrocious humor.”

In lieu of sex at that point, Natasha grabbed one of Steve’s tshirts and they made their way out to the kitchen, where they happily shared the rest of a half empty pint of ice cream from the freezer. If the carton in question had ‘Bucky’ written on it in angry block letters, well… they could replace it in the morning.

 

 

As the weather got colder and Thanksgiving loomed in the distance, Natasha noticed that at least one thing said during their dinner with Sarah had gotten to Steve. He wanted to meet her father.

He’d mentioned it four times since Halloween, just casually dropping it into conversation like he wasn’t asking for a lot even though the idea of introducing them gave Natasha hives. One thing was for damn sure; she wasn’t taking Steve over for some all American Thanksgiving dinner. They had not once celebrated that holiday in their home, just like the Fourth of July and any other decidedly American holiday. Her father was Russian, through and through, and he refused to participate in anything that might taint that identity.

After he mentioned it the fifth time while they were reading in bed together (or more accurately, Steve was doing some kind of puzzle on his phone while Natasha read), she knew there was no reasonable way out of this. She’d have to introduce them and suffer the inevitable consequences.

The fact that Steve tried to act surprised when she eventually asked him if he was free for dinner with her father that upcoming Saturday made her feel like she should have thought of it all by herself. She gave him a little glare and leaned back behind her desk so she could finish her lunch.

“He’s not going to like you,” she said plainly. “You should probably get ready for that.”

Steve grinned as he swallowed another mouthful of food and shrugged cockily. “Come on, I’m too polite for him to hate me,” he said confidently. “It’ll be fine, don’t you worry.”

Natasha wasn’t worried at all about her father liking Steve. He wouldn’t, there was no doubt about it, but since she couldn’t possibly care less about her father’s opinion, it didn’t matter. What _did_ matter was whether or not Steve could look past the ill temper and awful manners of her father; if he couldn’t, it would be the first time that Natasha lost someone because of her family and the first time since her mother that she’d lost someone who was crucial to her happiness.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there everyone. So, part of this chapter has a lot of Russian in it. There are no translations because the idea is that Steve would have been uncomfortable and confused, and I wanted to... get that across. It should be pretty easy to follow anyway, I think. <3

Natasha was about three hundred percent sure that this was a colossal mistake. There she was sitting primly in the back of a cab dressed _appropriately_ , and all she could think about were the million and one ways this could-- and probably would --go wrong. Her father could demand that they leave, he could insult Steve a thousand different ways, he could go on and on about how Natasha ought to be with someone who knew her culture… It was bad enough that the conversation they’d had when she called him felt more stilted and uncomfortable than anything else.

 

_“Так-так-так, кое-кто соизволил позвонить отцу” he drawled. “С чего это мне оказана такая честь?”_

_Natasha sighed. “Can’t I just check in on my father?”_

_“Natasha…”_

_“I’m seeing someone,” she blurted out. “I thought it would be nice if you met him.”_

_“Мы не общались столько лет, и вдруг сейчас ты хочешь, чтобы я познакомился с твоим парнем? Зачем?”_

_She let out a long sigh and told herself to just hold it together. “Because he’s important,” she reasoned. “Don’t you want to meet him, Папа?”_

_There was a pause before she heard her father huff and shift the phone. Then there was another sound she recognized as a match being struck, and the distinct sound of a cigarette between his lips. “_ _"Хорошо, Наташа. Приводи его,_ _” he relented. “В эту субботу, пять часов.”_

 

And that was it! Just a quick, ‘Alright, fine, be here at five’ like she wasn’t his only child. Natasha wondered if he’d have any guests that night or if he’d finally laid off the younger women and vodka in favor of acting like an actual adult. Unfortunately, it was unlikely that he’d gotten any better than he had been before.

“You look like you’re ready to tuck and roll right out of the cab,” Steve remarked as he took her hand and held it between them. “It’s gonna be okay, you know. I mean it. And when have I ever been wrong?”

Natasha snapped out of her own thoughts just long enough to give him a thoroughly unimpressed look. “Just try not to be so… American.”

Steve's brows shot up, but he just chuckled and leaned in to kiss her cheek in the most optimistically obnoxious manner possible. “It'll be fine,” he said again. “Don't worry.”

Natasha’s father had moved out of the city and into a small apartment on Staten Island quite a few years ago. It wasn’t like he had any family he cared about leaving behind and he was able to find a neighborhood that was primarily Russian anyway so leaving his comfort zone wasn’t something he had to deal with. Now that they were making their way through the tunnel and into Brooklyn just so they could get on the bridge to see him, she was finally realizing just how far away he lived. The trip took about an hour and they paid through the nose because of the bridge toll and the courtesy of this car going through two different boroughs for them. Natasha was already thinking about taking public transportation back, meaning they’d have to get on a goddamn ferry.

When they arrived outside his little apartment complex, however, Natasha felt that the trip hadn’t been nearly long enough. What was she supposed to say to him? Would she spend the entire evening defending her relationship with Steve? That is, defending that she was dating him at all; they hadn’t actually discussed where they were or where they were going and she wanted to avoid that conversation for as long as possible.

Before she knew it, there he was. Alex had always been an imposing man; Natasha remembered how big he used to be with great, thick arms like tree trunks and a head of dark, full hair. She remembered how straight his back had been and how tall he’d stood and now… Well, she was having some trouble equating those memories to the man in front of her. He was still tall, still broad, but there were lines on his face and a certain slump to his shoulders that she just didn’t remember.

“Hello, Папа,” she said after a moment. “Can we come in?”

For a second, Alex’s eyes didn’t leave her. Natasha supposed he had a right to stare; she hadn’t seen him in ages and she wasn’t exactly the skinny little college student she used to be. “Да. Конечно, заходи.” He stepped aside and they entered his home to find everything nice and neat, if a bit cramped. It would seem that his penchant for either not working very much or saving his money like he’d be buried with it hadn’t faded with time or age.

As soon as they were settled and she had identified the smell in the house as a dish from her childhood in Russia, Natasha knew it was time. “Папа, this is my boyfriend, Steve Rogers. Steve, this is my father, Alexandr Romanoff.”

Steve smiled immediately and it was the kind of polite, million dollar smile that would have won over any normal father. Alex remained unmoved by the display. “Sir, it’s just really nice to meet you at last,” he said warmly. “Natasha’s told me so much about you.”

Both Alex and Natasha raised their eyebrows before the former turned to the latter. “Да неужели?”

Natasha sighed and shrugged a little. “Немного.”

Stepping forward, Alex offered his hand to Steve and gave him a firm shake. He had always been the type who said you could tell a lot about a man by the strength of his handshake. Unfortunately, the way he reacted to Steve’s meant that he didn’t yet have anything to complain about.

“Что будете пить?”

Steve blinked. Natasha sighed.

“Папа, он не говорит по-русски.”

“Это ты решила встречаться с американцем, а не я.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and Alex made a face before turning to Steve again. “You want drink?”

Steve smiled politely. “Sure, I’d love one,” he answered. “Water’s fine.”

Alex huffed and wandered off into the kitchen while he mumbled for them to have a seat at the table as dinner would be ready in a few minutes- in Russian, of course. Natasha shook her head a little and guided Steve over to the table, where they took their seats across from one another, leaving the seat between them for Natasha’s father.

“This is going well,” Natasha mumbled as she set a napkin down on her lap. “He’s going to keep doing that; speaking in Russian. It’s like an intimidation tactic.”

Steve offered her a little smile. “Well, I’m not intimidated,” he said quietly. “I’m alright.”

But by the time Alex brought in the drinks and the first course, it was really clear that this was going to be more than a little uncomfortable. While she was comfortable sipping borscht from the bowl in front of her, the look on Steve’s face was just this side of absolutely disgusted. He looked like he was trying his best to hold it down, but be really polite about it at the same time.

“So--” Steve cleared his throat a little and took a sip of his water. “Mr. Romanoff, I’ve been wondering what Natasha was like as a child. Was she a troublemaker, or…?”

Alex cleared his throat and licked his lips as he swallowed another sip of his soup. “She was…” He trailed off and grunted as he tried to figure out the right word to use. “Очень самостоятельной.”

Natasha translated. “Basically independent. Capable of taking care of myself.” She didn’t bother adding to that the fact that she had no _choice_ but to take care of herself as her father was far more likely to be off doing other things. “Papa, Steve was raised by a single parent too,” she tried. “Just his mother, his father passed away when he was a kid.”

Alex nodded slowly. “You--” He gestured by bringing his hands together and interlocking his fingers. “You bond over this?”

Steve nodded quickly. “Yeah,” he said warmly. “Yeah, I guess we did in a way.”

Natasha nodded in agreement and offered Steve a smile, but Alex didn’t seem to be overly impressed. For all he knew, she supposed, Steve was pushing her to forget all her heritage when the fact was that she barely considered herself Russian anymore. Being Russian came with the reminder of her childhood and that was something she preferred to stay very far away from.

“You work with my Tasha?”

And then came the uncomfortable portion of the night wherein she was sure her father wouldn’t approve of Steve’s job, Steve’s general attitude, or Steve’s bright outlook on life.

“Yeah, I’m a nurse on the maternity floor of the same hospital,” he confirmed. The word ‘nurse’ felt so out of place here that Natasha very nearly cringed. “We met in the elevator a bunch of times and it just… kind of happened for us.” He smiled so warmly and so wonderfully that Natasha had to smile along with him, actually dropping her gaze a little bit as well. “You’ve got one hell of a daughter, Mr. Romanoff.”

Alex grunted. “Yes, I do. I’m very proud of her.” He glanced up at Steve, but addressed Natasha. “Ты счастлива с ним? Да посмотри на него, он какой-то мягкий!”

Natasha actually laughed a little at that. “Он сильнее, чем выглядит, папа.”

Pressing his lips together, Alex finished his soup and eventually got up to clear the table. Steve jumped to his feet to help put everything in the sink and chatted amiably about how he’d never tried borscht before. Alex tolerated him and even mentioned something about the key to making borscht delicious, but that was all. Considering the face Steve had made while eating it, Natasha didn’t think he’d be trying it again.

Eventually, they came back and set down big, hearty bowls of beef stroganoff that Natasha was actually really looking forward to eating. “This smells delicious, Papa,” she told him. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had this.”

Alex nodded knowingly. “Все еще твое любимое блюдо?”

It was a pity that he hadn’t been there for her when she was a child. Natasha knew now that it was likely he’d been far more broken up over her mother than he’d ever let on, but that didn’t change the fact that he’d neglected her time and time again. Still, there were clearly some things he remembered. There was clearly a part of him that wanted his little girl in his life.

“Да, папа,” she answered. “Очень вкусно.”

Soon enough, conversation turned to how long they’d been seeing each other and things of that kind. Her father was visibly relieved to hear that they weren’t living together and even more relieved to hear that they’d only been going out for a short while. Natasha wondered if he would be relieved by the fact that she couldn’t seem to tell Steve she loved him or if he’d realized that her issues were partly his fault thanks to his shitty parenting. The meal was good for all of them this time, at least. Steve seemed to be enjoying his stroganoff and complimented her father on the cooking; that seemed to win him a couple of points.

“Why did you not become doctor?” Alex asked eventually. “Why only nurse?”

Steve’s answers to that question were so simple. He was asked so many times that it was practically a rite of passage before he could have a good relationship with someone, even if that relationship was only a friendship.

“I was in the military first, sir. Went back to school for nursing, but if I went any further I'd be in school for ages.” He shook his head. “I wanted to get out there and help people. That's why I joined the army in the first place.”

Oh, Alex liked that. Natasha could see it on his face. “Papa, Steve was actually given the Medal of Honor for what he did in the army,” she told him. What was the point of being someone’s girlfriend if she didn’t get to brag about him every now and then?

The grunt she got in acknowledgement was just one little step above entirely disinterested, but it was enough to make Natasha hope that this might actually end on a good note. Apparently she was feeling bold today, as the idea of an optimistic outlook was practically foreign when her father was involved.

The rest of the conversation was thankfully all about the military and how proud both men were to have served in vastly different forces and situations. Natasha was happy to take a backseat to that, although she knew that Steve’s opinions were slightly (aka very) different from her father’s. While they sipped coffee after supper and her father pulled out an old photo album to show off some baby pictures, Natasha felt safe enough to visit the ladies’ room for a moment to freshen up.

 

She was just washing her hands when there was some kind of rumbling noise and she frowned as she turned the faucet off to hear—two men, and it sounded like they were arguing. Shit. Drying her hands as fast as possible, Natasha bolted out of the bathroom and marched down the hall to find Steve and her father both standing and looking very angry. When they both turned and addressed her at the same time, her father won out only because he was louder and Steve was clearly holding back.

“Ты привела этого парня в мой дом и ожидала, что он мне понравится? Наташа, о чем ты думала?” His voice was angry and the words in Russian sounded even worse than they would have in English.

Natasha glared at him. “Да ты бы никогда не расстроился, случись со мной что-нибудь! Не притворяйся, что тебе не наплевать на меня!” She shouted. How dare he? How dare he act like he had any right to approve or disapprove of the man she was dating? She’d brought Steve here because he wanted to come, not because she wanted to bring him and now her father was acting like he had some kind of divine right over her love life. If this didn’t drive Steve away, it would at the very least show him where she came from.

Alex puffed out his chest a little bit and stood up straight. “Следи за своим языком, девочка! Я все еще твой отец!”

“Только на словах.”

Silence. Steve had already backed down a little bit off to one side, but his brow was creased and she didn’t think she’d ever seen his shoulders so tense. Natasha wanted to go back and rethink her decision to go to the bathroom because if she hadn’t, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. She couldn’t imagine what had been said to garner this kind of reaction either; Steve was too polite to insult her father to his face.

“We’re leaving,” she announced a moment later. “This was a mistake.”

Even as Alexandr tried to protest, Natasha grabbed her coat and led the way out of there. She couldn’t stay there another second, not when he was talking about Steve the way he was, not when it was so clear that no matter what, he wasn't going to approve. He was going to find fault no matter what and she wasn't going to stand for it.

“Come on, Steve. We’re going.” She announced once she had her coat on. He was being unbelievably delayed here; leaving was the right thing to do if Alex was going to act like a child.

“It—It was nice to meet you, Mr. Romanoff,” he muttered. “Sorry I upset you.”

Natasha grabbed his hand and they were gone in a matter of seconds. Honestly, she couldn’t quite meet Steve’s gaze just because of how endlessly embarrassing her father had been during that last bit of their encounter. Added in with the fact that he insisted upon speaking Russian when he knew Steve couldn’t understand, the whole visit wasn’t worth the trouble.

 

“Nat, slow down,” he tried as she dragged him down the block so they could either get a car home or just walk to the ferry from there. “Come on, it wasn’t that bad.”

She whirled around. “It wasn’t that bad? Really?” She stared up at him and shook her head a little bit. “He’s got no respect for anyone, I don’t even know why it matters—It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t. But why does he have to be such an asshole? I told you it wasn’t a good idea! I told you we shouldn’t have come here.”

Steve stepped up and reached out to pull her into a hug. “I’m really hoping it doesn’t matter, because I’m pretty sure he hates me,” he huffed. “I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know what I did that got him so upset…”

Natasha wrapped her arms around his waist right there on the sidewalk in Staten Island. If he’d wanted to, her father could have seen them from his window. She didn’t particularly care, as she was taking pleasure in burying her face in Steve’s chest. “What did you say?” She wondered aloud. “I was only gone a few minutes. What happened?”

Steve hesitated and Natasha wondered if it was something he didn’t want her to know. “Doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have liked me anyway.”

He was probably right about that, but the tone of his voice made Natasha very aware of something in particular. It wasn’t about whether or not she gave a shit about what her father thought (and honestly, she wasn’t going to stop dating Steve because of his opinion, but deep, deep down she’d kind of hoped that he came around); it was about Steve because he wanted to meet her family.

That day, they huddled together on the ferry to keep warm and Natasha made a decision. It wasn’t like her and she didn’t really want to do it, but she was determined to make up for the shit show that was their visit with her father.

 

A week before Thanksgiving, she rolled on top of Steve in her bed and propped her chin up on his chest. “We’re going to dinner this Saturday,” she told him. “A family dinner.”

Steve raised his eyebrows. He had the most adorable bed head and he was sporting not one, not two, but three marks along his shoulders and collarbone. Natasha wondered how she’d ever expected herself to resist someone to strangely charming. “Oh? With my mom, or…?”

They’d never really discussed their visit with her father in depth. Natasha told him that she didn’t speak to him for a reason and although Steve seemed really dejected, he didn’t really ask any more questions about it. “No. With my real family,” she explained. “You’ll see when we get there. I just wanted you to be ready.”

On Saturday, Natasha turned up at Steve’s place in jeans and a black sweater, her hair all loose and wavy over her shoulders. She wasn’t nervous this time; it wasn’t nearly the same kind of situation it had been when they’d gone to meet her father. When he let her in, she gave him a wide smile.

“Surprise, we’re taking your bike.”

Steve didn’t need to be told twice. He rustled up an extra helmet and they headed out together while Natasha directed him this way and that. Eventually, they arrived in a more suburban area just outside the city and she directed him just a few more minutes before telling him to pull into the driveway of a nice little house with a big front yard and an even bigger backyard. Cold as it was, there was warm light in every window and she took his hand as they headed up to the door together.

“Nat, where are we?” He asked warmly. “Who’s house is this?”

She just smiled at him and when the door opened, they were engulfed by noise and affection alike. Laura was exactly the kind of person who was perfect for an introduction like this; she welcomed Natasha with a tight hug—at least as tight a hug as her belly allowed---and then moved over to do the same to Steve, who only hesitated a little bit before returning her embrace. As Clint joined them, Steve looked again to Natasha and she finally had mercy on him.

“Steve, this is my best friend, Clint, and his wife, Laura.” She smiled at the surprise on his face. “Guys, this is Steve…” Soon enough, there were two kids running full speed through the house and right up to her.

“Auntie Nat! You have to come see what we did!”

Natasha smiled and glanced back up at the other adults. “Duty calls,” she said happily. “Steve, do you want to see..?”

“Yeah!” He looked down at the little kids; one boy, one girl, both staring at him. “That is, if I’m allowed?”

The little girl, Lila, studied him for a long moment before shrugging and gesturing for Cooper to take Steve’s hand as well. They dragged the adults out to the back porch, where they had managed to rake every single leaf (in existence, it seemed) into one big pile in the center of their backyard. The dog, Lucky, bolted up and immediately ran over to investigate the visitors, but the kids wanted them to come and jump in the pile as well.

Natasha felt like this was much better for them. Clint might be a little protective, but Laura was great with everyone and this felt like a real family; that is, this felt much closer to a family than whatever it was she had with her father all those years ago. It was with some relief that she caught Steve smiling as Lila and Cooper pulled her into the backyard, where they jumped into the pile of leaves and laughed out loud together, and it was even more of a relief that Steve pulled out his phone to snap a few pictures of them.

Cooper’s head popped up out of the leaves and he looked back to Steve. “Are you coming or what?”

Steve raised his eyebrows, considered things for a moment, and quickly made a run for the pile to jump in along with the others. They were all called in for dinner not ten minutes later and dutifully filed into the dining room to take their seats while Laura and Clint finished putting their meal on the table. There would be questions, she was sure of it, but it wouldn’t be like before.

“Are you Auntie Nat’s boyfriend?” Lila was actually the first one to speak up, neatly cutting Clint’s first question off in the first couple of words.

Steve smiled and glanced briefly to Natasha, who was pressing her lips together to avoid laughing. “Well, if I _was_ Auntie Nat’s boyfriend, would that be okay?”

Lila clumsily twirled her fork in her spaghetti and considered the mess for a moment before taking a big, messy bite. “I dunno,” she mumbled with her mouth full. “Do you bring her presents?”

Cooper perked up beside her. “Yeah! Do you bring her flowers and stuff like Daddy gets Mommy?”

Clint covered up a snort with another bite of food and Natasha licked her lips as she gave Steve a brief ‘I-can’t-help-you’ look before going back to her meal. “I… I guess I don’t bring her flowers as much as I should,” he answered. “But I make her breakfast sometimes. And I give her rides on my motorcycle… and I bring her lunch all the time.”

Lila considered him for a moment. “You should bring her flowers more,” she told him. “And candy. And give her lots of hugs.”

Cooper nodded very seriously. “And you’re supposed to bring shiny earrings when you’re in trouble,” he added. “Didn’t anybody ever teach you that?”

Steve blinked. “You know, you’re right,” he agreed. “Thanks, guys. I’ll make sure I do that in the future. But I hope you guys are okay with me being Auntie Nat’s boyfriend even now. I mean, I know how important it is for you to like me.”

Lila and Cooper exchanged a look, but ultimately nodded. “Just don’t make her cry,” the latter told him. “Girls hate it when you make them cry.”

Conversation turned to other things after that. Clint talked about how he and Natasha had met, leaving out any details that might have been a little too mature for their underage audience, and Natasha teased about how the bun in Laura’s oven was promised to her-- they were going to name the baby ‘Natasha’ and it was the best thing she’d heard in a very long time. They talked about the hospital too; Clint thought it was great that Steve worked in maternity and Laura made a joke about how she ought to come there to have her next baby so she and Steve could get a little more friendly. She’d even winked at him, which made Steve blush and Clint protest.

“I feel like I have to ask, though…” Clint leaned back in his seat now that the kids had been dismissed for the night and they were enjoying coffee and what was left of their cake. “What are your intentions with my best friend?”

“Clint, really?” Natasha rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. “I’m an adult.”

“Uh huh. You’re an adult I feel responsible for, so pipe down.” He leveled his gaze at Steve regardless of how the two women in the room shook their heads at him. “Intentions, Steve.”

Steve raised his eyebrows for a moment and tried to accept the fact that he actually had to answer this; it felt like he was talking to Natasha’s father all over again, except he actually had a prayer of being accepted this time. “Uh, I intend to… keep seeing her,” he said slowly. “And I intend to do whatever I can to make her happy for as long as she’ll let me.”

Natasha’s smile softened a little and she ducked her head while Laura ‘aww-ed’ and Clint nodded. “Very good answer,” he decided, sitting up and offering his hand over the table. Steve took it and Clint tugged him a little closer. “If you hurt her, just remember that I’m a lot more dangerous than I look.”

Steve blinked. “I’m not gonna hurt her,” he said evenly, meeting Clint’s gaze. “Sir.”

Silence, then Clint burst out laughing and landed firmly in his chair again. “You’re alright, Steve.”

 

When coffee was over, Steve offered to help clean up and Laura accepted while Clint and Natasha wandered into the living room for now. As they settled on the couch, Clint reached over to nudge her arm. “He’s really great, Tasha. I’m happy for you.”

“Don’t do that,” she tutted gently. “Don’t start thinking this is going to end in marriage and babies, okay?”

Clint scoffed. “Why not? I know you think you’re above it all, but---”

“It’s not about being above it all,” she interrupted. “You know that.”

“Nat, there’s no reason you can’t have exactly what you want.” He leaned closer. “He’s here, right? He’s still here. After the drama with your dad, after whatever you put him through to begin with, he’s still here and telling me he’ll make you happy until you ask him to stop.”

Natasha knew he was right, but it was hard to actually trust that her future could include that whole happy ending thing she’d heard about. “I’m trying,” she told him. “I just hope he understands that I’m not going to change right away.”

Laura and Steve joined them a few minutes later and Clint immediately got up so he could walk Steve out to the porch for another little chat. Natasha tried to protest, but Laura took Clint’s seat and she huffed as she watched them go.

“Well,” Laura said. “You’ve done well for yourself, haven’t you?”

Natasha laughed. “Careful. Don’t want Clint getting jealous.”

“Please. If he doesn’t see the appeal, then he’s blind. Those _arms_ , my God. I confess right now that I definitely touched them more than I should have while he was in the kitchen.”

“I think I can forgive you,” she chuckled. “But you do like him, right? Aside from the arms and his ass and all that.”

“I love him,” Laura assured her. “I think he’s going to be really good for you. And I think… I think you can make each other happy.” She shrugged a little and Natasha sighed.

“You really think that,” she echoed quietly. “That I can make him happy.”

Laura shifted her position on the couch and reached out to touch Natasha’s knee. “Do you want to know what he said about you in the kitchen?” She waited for Natasha to give an unsure nod. “He said he’d do anything to make you happy because you make him happy just by being there. I swooned a little bit, I’m not going to lie.” She laughed. “He also said that he was glad you have us as your family and I’m pretty sure I kissed his cheek, I blacked out for a minute.”

Natasha laughed again and shook her head. “He’s a good guy,” she agreed. “I’m really glad you guys like him too.”

Soon enough, Natasha was getting her coat on and they were heading out to break up the little meeting going on outside. She pretended not to see both men put out their cigarettes just before both women joined them. “I think it’s time we headed home,” she said easily. “It’s getting late.”

There were hugs and kisses all around, including a notably long hug between Laura and Steve that got the latter a glare from Clint while Natasha snickered beside him. Eventually they got back onto Steve’s bike and headed towards the city with Natasha’s arms wrapped tight around him. It had been a good night, a good _decision_ to bring him here and have him meet people who really loved her, people who were a part of her family even if it wasn’t by blood.

 

Steve drove them back to Natasha’s place and hesitated for a moment near the sidewalk like he didn’t know whether he should park or not. Natasha slipped off the bike and removed her helmet so she could lean down and seal their lips together. “You smoked with Clint,” she accused easily. “I know that taste.”

Steve looked just guilty enough to give the impression of a sad puppy. “It’s just socially. I don’t usually smoke at all…”

“Meet me upstairs,” she said easily, turning fast so she could march into the elevator and get up there before he managed to find a parking space and join her.

By the time he did, Natasha had a fire going in the fireplace and greeted him with a kiss that backed him up into the wall. She knew it was stupid and probably really base, but the taste of the cigarettes on him just added to the whole experience for her. Soon enough, he lifted her up and laid her down on the rug in front of her couch so they could get to it right there in front of the fire. Natasha stayed on her back this time and when Steve pressed into her, she put her hands on either side of his face to keep his eyes on her.

When she kissed him again, it felt a little different and she let her hands wander down to his shoulders to distract herself from thinking about it. At the end of it all, Steve kissed her sweaty brow and settled on the rug beside her, belatedly grabbing a thin blanket from the couch to lay over them while they got comfortable. Natasha let him wrap his big, beefy arm around her waist and caught herself staring at him with his eyes closed, with those long lashes brushing over the tops of his cheeks, with his lips just slightly swollen from all their kissing.

She did love him, didn’t she? Natasha almost didn’t want it to be true, but it had to be. And she knew he cared so much about her; wouldn’t he want to hear that? Wouldn’t now be a wonderful, perfect opportunity to tell him?

“Steve?” Her voice sounded soft even to her own ears. As his eyes opened and he smiled down at her, Natasha knew the words weren’t going to come. They were just three little words, but it felt like they were clawing at the inside of Natasha’s throat in an effort to stay there. “You… You do make me happy,” she got out. “For whatever that’s worth.”

Steve leaned down to peck her on the lips. “You make me happy too,” he answered.

And that was it. They fell asleep there in each other’s arms and Natasha tried to put the guilt that settled in her chest right out of her mind. The words would come eventually; that wasn’t something she had to worry about right now.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A different perspective...

“You want me to do what?”

Steve sighed. “Just meet me and Nat for dinner on Saturday. It’s a nice place, so you have to dress up.”

Bucky glared dubiously at his friend from across their kitchen table. “That doesn’t sound like something I want to be a part of,” he muttered. “Why are we going to a nice place?”

“Because Natasha wants to go to a nice place.” There, that would cover it. “You do own a suit. Just put it on, no tie, and it’ll be fine.”

“I bet you want me to tie my hair back too,” Bucky grumbled. “You know, it’s not so easy with one hand.”

Steve sighed again. “I’ll do it for you,” he offered.

Bucky hated that he had to, but nodded anyway and went right back to his breakfast. Whatever they had to say to him, at least he’d get a decent meal out of it; maybe they were getting married and needed to let him know that he’d need to find a roommate or something. Maybe they just wanted to let him know that they were moving in together and therefore, he was no longer welcome. He knew it was stupid, but ever since they’d started dating for real, he’d had this sense of overwhelming dread that his life was going to change. And yeah, okay, maybe Bucky didn’t  _ want _ things to change again. Maybe he’d had enough change for a lifetime.

That wasn’t to say that he didn’t like Natasha. She’d made a pretty bad impression at first, but they were kindred spirits in that they felt a lot more than they said out loud. She was funny and smart, and she was a good person for Steve to be with if only because they kept each other in check. Steve wouldn’t be too reckless because he had someone calm who cared about him and Natasha might actually open herself up because Steve was so warm. It worked. He couldn’t even begin to predict what might happen next for them, but he felt like they’d stand the test of time.

Bucky also knew how broken Steve had been when he woke up from his coma and how hard it had been for him to accept that Peggy had moved on; he was happy for her, but the whole situation was kind of fucked up. The fact that he’d opened himself up to love like this was kind of amazing, and it was his history that had Bucky so worried at first when he saw how Natasha was treating him. Things had absolutely changed for the better, thank fuck. Bucky didn’t have the patience for the puppy love fawning phase of their relationship, so he was pretty damn happy they’d skipped right to the honeymoon phase.

 

That Saturday, he dressed in his suit as promised, managed to get all the necessary buttons done up, and abjectly refused to put on a tie. He stood silent and stoic while Steve tied his hair back and grunted something about liking his scruff when Steve suggested shaving for the second or third time. He looked… okay, he supposed. Bucky knew he’d been handsome once, but the missing arm and the way he kept himself now just didn’t lend to an appealing image, not that he was trying to look any better than he did. He much preferred staying home and being comfortable than trying to attract any more attention than he already got. 

And yet, there he was all dressed up and following Steve into a cab so they could meet Natasha for dinner. They arrived at the restaurant before Natasha and headed inside, securing a nice little table and ordering a bottle of wine to start off with. Bucky was already suspicious about what was happening here, but when Steve told the waiter that they’d be expecting two more in a few minutes, he immediately snapped to attention.

“Two more? Who’s the other one?”

Steve gave him what could only be described as a guilty smile and took a sip of his wine. “Just… a friend of ours,” he said calmly. “No pressure, I promise. She’s really nice.”

Bucky stared at him. “You didn’t,” he said. “Tell me you didn’t.”

“ _ Technically _ , I only agreed to get you here,” he answered. “But yeah. Yeah, I did.”

“You son of a bitch,” he hissed. “Steve, I’m not fucking sitting here on a blind date, what were you  _ thinking _ \---”

“Hello!”

Bucky straightened up as soon as someone else spoke up and turned his wide, slightly panicked gaze from Natasha, who looked as beautiful as she always did, to the woman standing beside her. She was a little younger than Natasha and the first thing he truly noticed was how kind her smile turned out to be. He swallowed hard and sat back a little bit, lowering his gaze right away.

“Wanda, this is Bucky Barnes. Bucky, this is our friend Wanda Maximoff, from work.” They took their seats; Natasha sat across from Steve, Wanda took her place across from Bucky. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she offered kindly. “Natasha’s told me a lot about you, Bucky.” 

Bucky was going to kill both of them, but that was for another time. Right now, all he had to do was get through this little mistake and come out the other side without any expectations. The strange thing was that as much as he wanted to get the hell out of here, he understood that this girl had nothing to do with it. She didn’t know, she was just here in the hopes that she might find love and as little as he wanted to do this… well, maybe there was a part of him that hoped, deep down, that he might find someone as well. 

Fuck it. He could be nice for one little evening.

“Well, at least she told one of us something,” he answered. Then, when he saw the look on Wanda’s face, he continued on. It would make things awkward if he made it known that he had no fucking idea this was actually happening. “She’s been  _ very  _ secretive about this whole thing.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Natasha said easily. “Aren’t you surprised?”

Bucky leveled a glare in her direction. “Pleasantly surprised,” he clarified. Wanda was very pretty; she had big, bright eyes and pink lips, and she’d left her long hair down to compliment the simple dress she wore. She’d even chosen to wear a little cardigan over that and he loved that the ends of the sleeves were long enough for her to hold onto them as she read over her menu.

Thankfully, the waiter came to take their orders just a few minutes later. Bucky and Steve ordered steaks, Wanda chose salmon, and Natasha ordered chicken. Their salads came first and everyone dug in, although Bucky was acutely aware of the fact that he probably looked like some kind of invalid stabbing his lettuce with one hand and very little balance.

“So, Bucky… Wanda is a nurse at the hospital,” Steve explained. “On Natasha’s floor. She was there when my mom went in. I don’t want to embarrass anyone, but I’ve heard really good things.”

Wanda ducked her head a little bit, but Natasha jumped right in there. “She’s very good with the patients,” she praised. “Amazing bedside manner.”

“I could’ve used someone like you back when I was in the hospital,” Bucky huffed. “Those nurses were the worst, you know? Guy loses an arm and apparently I’m supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows.” 

Wanda tilted her head to the side. “I’m not sure I can even picture you like that,” she teased lightly. “Everyone deals with grief differently, we can’t expect every patient to act the same as every other.”

Bucky nodded in agreement. “See? You’re already better than every VA nurse I’ve ever come into contact with,” he said. And maybe… maybe it was kind of amazing that Wanda blushed a little bit. The last time he’d made a girl blush like that, he had both of his arms and much less hair.

“Natasha tells me you like to read,” she offered shyly. She had this slight accent Bucky couldn’t place, but he liked it; that he knew. “What kinds of books are your favorite?”

“You know, I read novels like anyone else? But I really love non-fiction,” he admitted. “Biographies, books about history, books about animals…” He shrugged a little. “Probably sounds boring.”

“No, no,” Wanda said immediately. “No, it’s interesting. You’re a very surprising person, Bucky.”

Bucky caught Natasha and Steve exchanging a look over the table and nearly grimaced. “Did Natasha tell you where my name comes from?” He wondered aloud. “While you were talking about me for so long.”

Wanda glanced at Natasha. “No, she didn’t,” she said. “Where did it come from?”

“My full name is James Buchanan Barnes,” he explained. Bucky never went by ‘James’ unless the government or his parents were involved and since his parents were gone, it was pretty much just the government at this point. “But I hate my first name and I couldn’t really say the second… My younger sister started calling me ‘Bucky’ and that was it. That was where it started.” He pointed over the table at Steve. “And this one made sure that no matter what, everyone knew my name is Bucky, not James. Followed me all the way through the military and everything.”

Wanda smiled. “Don’t get me wrong, I think your name is just fine,” she said warmly. “But your real name is nice too.” She pressed her lips together and gave him another shy look. “James.”

Bucky blinked and swallowed hard enough to make his Adam’s apple bob. Oh. Shit.

“Well, uh… it doesn’t sound so bad when you say it,” he admitted. 

Did he have a chance here? Was it really possible that she could look at him and see a legitimate person there instead of some broken soldier? He supposed he should strive for happiness, right? Steve had been alone for a long time and look at him now! Natasha made him happy. Natasha took someone who had once admitted to Bucky that he might just be one of those people who never found someone and turned him into a man ready to start a whole new life in the company of his girlfriend. He wasn’t going to turn Bucky out, either. He had to remember that about Steve before he wound up dooming himself; self fulfilling prophecies were no fucking joke. 

 

And then their entrees came and whatever hope he’d managed to gather faded away in the space of five whole seconds. It felt like every single person at the table looked down at the steak knife carefully balanced on the edge of his plate and Bucky was no exception. The implications were staring everyone right in the face and for a while, Bucky just glared at his plate, his brow furrowed into a tight crease.

“I’ll get that for you,” Natasha said quietly, leaning over and taking the knife and fork to cut Bucky’s steak into bite size pieces because he couldn’t, because he only had the one arm, because he really was an invalid. It would be embarrassing even without their guest, but with Wanda’s kind eyes watching him before she politely turned her attention to her meal, it was just short of entirely humiliating. 

“I’m sorry, excuse me,” he muttered, placing his napkin on the table and basically bolting for the bathroom so he could have a minute alone. It was only when he reached the sink that he realized Steve had followed him there. “This was a mistake,” he said, avoiding the reflection in the mirror. “Fucking humiliating, that’s what it is.” 

Steve shook his head and Bucky could feel him take a few steps closer. “Buck, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. So you need a little help. It’s nothing.”

“I can’t cut my own goddamn food,” he countered. “What kind of impression does that make?”

“She’s not stupid; she knows you only have one arm. I’m telling you, it’s not as big a deal as you think.”

Bucky whipped around and gave him a look. “No,  _ your _ problems aren’t as big as you think they are,” he countered. “You think you and Nat have problems just because of a few commitment issues? What kind of person would want to date a freak with one arm and night terrors?”

“Anyone who sees how great you are would want to date you; not a  _ freak _ , just you!” Steve looked so very earnest. Bucky wanted to hit him or yell at him or something, but he never did. They never fought for very long. “Come on, Bucky. Give her a little credit.”

“I do give her credit,” he argued. “I know she’s a nice person. She’s not gonna make fun of me, she’s not gonna storm the fuck out, but she’s gonna-- she’s gonna leave knowing she dodged a bullet and I’m not gonna call because I know the same damn thing.”

Steve frowned. “Come on,” he tried. “Wanda’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. And you’re worth a lot more than you’re giving yourself credit for, you know that.”

Bucky sighed heavily. Fuck. “Think we can go back out there and not mention it?” He wondered aloud. “They’re not gonna say anything, right?” 

Steve put an arm around him and slowly guided him towards the door. “Nah, it’ll be alright. Why don’t you ask Wanda about why she became a nurse? That puts the attention on her.”

Bucky nodded. “When did you become better at this than me? I don’t like it.”

 

When they got back to the table, Bucky took his seat again and set his napkin on his lap as he gave the women a sheepish smile. If they were both so kind as to ignore his little outburst, then maybe he could actually get through the evening.

“So,” he said as he took a bite of his food now that it was all cut up. “Wanda, what made you want to be a nurse?”

Steve’s suggestion wound up being just what the doctor ordered. Wanda told him that she just wanted to help people, how she’d seen so many suffering back in her home country and made a promise to herself as a child to do everything she could to help people. She’d even gone back home to volunteer there for some time, although her family was in New York now; with her parents gone, it was just her and her brother. The conversation flowed naturally after that. They talked about their families and Steve told a couple of sweet stories about things they’d done together as kids while the girls laughed and Bucky playfully glared at him. In return, Bucky talked about how Steve had  _ always _ been the one to get them into trouble.

By the time dessert came, Steve and Natasha were leaning a little closer over the table and Bucky saw that familiar look between them. The second this was over, they were going to head back to her place so fast it would be like they were never really there. Bucky remarked often about how Steve was making up for his adolescence by sleeping with Natasha every single chance he got- and yeah, getting punched on his good arm was definitely worth it.

“Are they like this at work too?” He asked Wanda. “Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t know much more of the googly eyes I can take. I mean, it’s all the time. Over dinner, over breakfast, while we’re watching TV. It’s impossible to not feel like a third wheel the whole time.”

Wanda laughed and the other couple exchanged a look before sitting back in their respective seats. “I can’t say I’ve seen it all that much at work,” she admitted. “But I think it’s sweet.” 

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Sweet?”

Wanda smiled bashfully. “Is that okay? It’s just that I’ve seen how close you’ve gotten and I think you make a beautiful couple…” She blushed a little and took a sip of her drink. “I’m sorry, I just think it’s sweet. I’m glad you found each other.”

Steve grinned widely. “Believe me, I’m glad we found each other too.” 

Natasha made a face at him, but smiled soon after. If Wanda thought they were a good couple, that could only mean good things; the alternative was much worse. When the check came, Steve and Bucky made a little show of splitting it between them and they left the restaurant in good spirits. Natasha slid her hand into Steve’s and Wanda remained close to Bucky. He tried to figure out what it was that made her so forgiving, but all he could think of was wiped away when she smiled at him again.

“Well, it’s that time,” Natasha announced. “We’ll be going now. I had a good time, I hope you two did as well…”

Wanda blushed and Bucky rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, off to your place, right?”

Steve nodded. “You bet. I’ll see you tomorrow, Buck. See you Monday, Wanda.” 

 

Once they’d said their goodbyes and hopped into a cab Steve hailed, Bucky looked back to Wanda and offered her a polite smile. “Look, I know Nat’s kind of your superior and everything, but you don’t have to pretend. She won’t get mad at you or anything.” 

Wanda tipped her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I know I’m not exactly Prince Charming and you’ve been real nice for this whole thing, but I’ll understand if you just tell me you’re not interested. I’m not gonna make drama.” 

The way she considered him made him feel entirely too exposed for his comfort. “What if I said I was interested?” She asked slowly. “I’m hearing a lot of excuses, Bucky, but you haven’t once said you’re not interested in me.” 

Bucky opened his mouth, and then shut it again and stared down at her. 

Wanda gave him a knowing look, stepped up to him, pushed herself up on her toes, and pressed a feather-light kiss to his cheek. For that moment, Bucky thought about nothing but how soft her lips were and how his stubble probably scraped at her skin. He should have fucking shaved.

“Natasha has my number,” she told him. “I’d be really glad to hear from you.”

Bucky was still gaping at her as she hailed a cab and left him there on the sidewalk. He belatedly decided to walk home, although it was quite far, and thought about what just happened. Wanda actually seemed sincere. It felt like she actually wanted him to call and even though that was a foreign concept to him right now, he felt… encouraged. It had been years since he’d gotten butterflies and yet that was the only way he could describe how he felt.

When he got home, he changed and slumped down onto the couch. He still wasn’t able to get her out of his head; she’d just been so understanding. It was like she barely noticed that his arm was missing. It was like he was any other guy.

 

By the time Steve returned the next morning, Bucky had gotten his usual two hours of sleep and sat at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him. He looked up as soon as the other man entered and asked the one thing that had been on his mind the whole goddamn night.

“You think someone as fucked up as I am can actually be happy?”

Poor Steve. He choked on the mouthful of coffee he’d gotten down and immediately took a seat across from Bucky. “Of course you can be happy,” he said honestly; it had to be honest because Steve didn't lie to him. “I know you’ve been… down and everything, but you deserve to be happy like anyone else. Did-- Did something happen with Wanda?”

Bucky shook his head slowly. “She kissed my cheek and said she wanted to hear from me again,” he admitted. His eyes stayed glued to his cereal as he pushed it around in the bowl. “But it’s not a good idea, right? It’s not a good idea. She can’t handle this.”

“Hey, who says she can’t?” Steve argued. “Listen, I can say from experience that having someone push you away because they think you can’t ‘handle’ them sucks the big one. Give her a chance. She might surprise you.”

Bucky lowered his head a little more. He knew Steve was alluding to what Natasha had done to him; by trying to make the decision for him, she’d hurt him and Steve was just the kind of person who persevered. Not everyone fought through it like he did. “How do you even know you can trust them?” He muttered. “How did you know you could trust Natasha?”

Steve shrugged. “I guess I didn’t, at first,” he said slowly. “But over time, if they’re the right fit, you just know it.” Bucky had always been better with women than Steve, but he’d had very, very few ‘girlfriends’ and with all the problems he was dealing with now it was hard to imagine ever being in that kind of relationship. “It’s so worth the risk, Buck. I mean, she makes me feel…”

“Enough, enough,” he said quickly. “I don’t need to hear all the sappy details.”

“Hey, I like the sappy details,” he laughed. “I love her, okay? And that’s worth everything.”

Bucky knew that Steve wasn’t going to leave him or anything; they’d been best friends since they were children and if he hadn’t left by now, he really was in this for the long haul. But he also wondered what would happen when they started a real life of their own. “You really do love her,” he said quietly. He knew because Steve got that look in his eye and his smile got all soft and warm. He knew better than anyone what it was like to be loved by Steve; that is, he knew what it was like to be loved  _ unconditionally _ and he hoped that Natasha learned to understand and appreciate what she’d been given. 

But he also knew that he wanted more. He was envious of what they had together. 

 

 

 

Three days later...

“Hi?”

Bucky cleared his throat and swore under his breath at the sound of his own voice. Honestly.

“Hi. Um. Wanda, this is… Bucky, from the restaurant the other night.” Pause. “Steve’s friend?”

Shit, fucking fuck. Why was he even doing this? Just so he had a  _ tiny _ chance of getting the kind of happiness Steve had managed to find? Because he was lonely? Because he wanted just an ounce of human companionship that would go into the night? Because maybe he wanted someone to hold him. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Listen, I was just calling to see if you wanted to maybe go see a movie or something,” he got out in a rush. “No pressure if you don’t want to call back, I get it.”

Again,  _ fuck _ . Bucky took a deep, deep breath and tried again.

“Um. If you do want to, though, you can call me back at this number. Or text me. I was thinking Friday night, or Saturday… I’m pretty much free all the time, so whenever you want…”

He was swiftly getting a migraine.

“So, uh. Just let me know. Thanks.” Pause. “Again, it’s Bucky… You knew that already. Shit. Bye.”

 

“Congratulations, I think that might be the worst voicemail message anyone’s ever left.” Steve’s voice from the doorway was not welcome at all right now; Bucky threw a pillow in his general direction as he flopped onto the bed and covered his face with his hand.  “No, seriously.” Steve’s weight made the bed dip as he sat down beside his friend and Bucky groaned. “That was painful to listen to. Did you practice beforehand?”

“No, I didn’t  _ practice _ \-- Alright, shut up. We don’t all have hot surgeons falling all over us.”

Steve huffed out a laugh. “No, I guess we don’t.” He stood back up and clapped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “For the record, I think you’re doing the right thing.” He leaned in kind of close and grinned. “And I think that message was kind of adorable.”

Bucky scowled at him and Steve ducked out of the way just in time to avoid the swing of his friend’s arm. “I’m sure you’ll be very happy together,” Steve shouted from the kitchen.

Six hours later, after Wanda had called back and arranged a date for that weekend, Bucky started to believe that Steve just might be right.


	13. Chapter 13

“Well, you must be so proud.” 

Natasha grinned as she took another look at the picture on her phone; Bucky had sent it to Steve and he’d forwarded it along to her to show her how great her matchmaking thing was going. Bucky and Wanda had gone out on their little date and he’d taken her out for hot chocolate and ice skating, which was even more adorable considering he only had the one arm.

“I am, thank you very much,” Natasha answered as she pocketed her phone again. “They’re adorable together. I can practically hear the wedding bells.” For Bucky and Wanda, that was an option, she presumed. Maybe Bucky liked to wallow a little bit, but she knew what that smile in the picture meant; he really liked Wanda.

“It’s nice to see him so happy,” Steve mused, leaning down to kiss her right there near the nurses’ station, much to the amusement of the few people milling about. “See you for lunch?”

Natasha smiled. “You bet.”

They parted ways for the time being and Natasha got in her rounds before heading back to her office to type up a few notes and review some imaging that was waiting for her. When she was all done, she gave herself ten minutes to just lean back and reflect on the fact that Christmas was almost upon them, the weather was cold and crisp outside, and she had a boyfriend.

No, scratch that. She had a boyfriend she really loved and she hadn’t fucked it up yet!

Moreover, she didn’t  _ want _ to fuck it up because she wasn’t scared. Ha!

On top of everything else, she had the perfect Christmas gift for Steve all figured out; at least, she told herself that every single day even though she was definitely worried that he wouldn’t like the brand new art set she’d picked out for him. It wasn’t cheap either, but she was assured that it was the best: charcoals, pencils, pastels, paints… He could draw to his heart’s content. She just hoped it was personal enough because knowing Steve, he was going to find a gift that was just sentimental enough to earn him a blowjob while he wore a Santa hat.

 

She was rethinking her gift for the thousandth time when Steve knocked twice and came into her office looking… stressed. “Hey,” he breathed, moving to stand on the other side of her desk with his hands spread out on the smooth wood surface. “Hey. Um. I need a favor. A professional favor.”

Natasha sat up and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ve got a newborn with ASD,” he explained, slowly taking a seat on the edge of a chair. “We knew there was a chance of some kind of congenital heart issue, so we did an echo as soon as we could and it’s really bad.” Steve let out a slow breath. “I mean, I think surgery is a risk we’re going to have to take.”

He looked shaken up and she knew how hard it was for him to lose a patient, but pediatric heart surgery wasn’t something she’d done in a while. She had experience, but she avoided it because of the implications of what might happen. The death of a child just seemed far more devastating than the loss of an adult. In her mind, it didn’t seem to matter that she had experience because there was always the chance that something went wrong and in a high risk patient, that chance was much, much higher.

“As much as I feel for the parents, what do you expect me to do? I’m not a pediatric surgeon.”

“The parents have heard of you. Apparently they know someone you operated on and they want you to review the file and tell them what to do.”

Shit. “And you told them what?”

“That I know you,” he said. “And that I’d ask. If you can’t do it, then that’s what I’ll tell them. But you could meet them first…”

Natasha shook her head. No, that wasn’t necessary. “Is the baby alright otherwise?” She asked. “What’s the name?” Turning to her computer, she pulled up the patient’s file and reviewed it as thoroughly as she could, especially considering the circumstances. “No other risk factors, other than age… Family history is a little iffy.” 

“Nat, I know you don’t really work with kids, but they asked for you. By name.” He shook his head a little bit. “The mom is really broken up and I think she’d be put at ease if you just talked to her. Please. Just a consult.”

Natasha gave him a look. “Guilt isn’t helping,” she mumbled. She’d already seen the results of the echo they performed on the child and he definitely needed the surgery; the defect he was dealing with was pretty severe and she didn’t think there was any benefit to waiting if only because he was so young. “You know my bedside manner needs work.”

“I’ll be right next to you,” he promised. “I’d really appreciate this, Natasha.” He looked like he was asking for the whole world and in a way, she supposed that might have been what it felt like to him. Steve really loved his patients; he cared for every single baby who came through the maternity ward in a way that was very different from the way Natasha took care of her patients.

And she owed him. She could do this for him, at the very, very least. “Okay,” she agreed. “I’ll examine the baby first, and then we’ll talk to the parents. But I hope you know that I can’t perform the surgery. Who’s the surgeon on call?”

“Banner,” he reported. “I know he’s good and I told them that, but they wanted your opinion first.”

Natasha stood up and straightened out her coat. “Well, I guess I have someone to see, then.”

They made their way to the maternity ward together and Natasha entered the NICU to find two worried parents gathered around one of the little beds. “Hello, I’m Dr. Romanoff,” she said to introduce herself. “I wish we were meeting under better circumstances.”

The woman immediately took her hand for a frantic shake and tears crested under her eyes. “Oh, thank you! Thank you for coming, we just couldn’t move forward until we had the opinion of a surgeon we trust and Steve said you were the best! No wonder my friend spoke so highly of you.”

Natasha felt like she was entirely out of her league, but she wasn’t actually given time to screw things up already because the man spoke up as well. “Can you help us?” He asked. “Steve said that Dr. Banner was a good surgeon, but is it even necessary? I had a heart murmur as a kid, but it just went away on its own…”

“Well, ASD is a little different from a heart murmur,” Natasha explained. “A murmur can be caused by ASD, but that kind of defect often makes surgery absolutely necessary.” She clocked their panic and stepped forward as confidently as she could. “One step at a time. I’m going to examine him myself first, I’d like to observe the echo in real time, and then I’ll let you know what I think. Is that alright?”

They agreed and Natasha approached the little bed so she could begin her examination. The baby was healthy in size and weight, thankfully, and she gurgled with interest when Natasha peered down at her. “Hello, little girl,” she murmured.

“Poppy,” her mother interjected. “Like the flower.”

Natasha smiled down at the baby. “Poppy. It’s a pleasure.” She snapped gloves on and made sure there were no physical signs; cyanosis, poor circulation, etc. Thankfully, there was no blue tint to her skin and she looked like she was breathing without difficulty, although her breaths were more frequent than they should have been. Slipping her stethoscope on, she listened to Poppy’s heartbeat with her eyes closed and-- yeah. There was something there, no doubt about it. It sounded pretty solidly abnormal and Natasha knew that even if they were able to do a lesser procedure,  _ something _ had to be done. Poppy couldn’t go home with a defect of that size, especially if it was confirmed on the echo to be what she thought it might be.

“She’s lively,” Natasha told them. “That’s a good sign. But I do hear an abnormality in her heartbeat and I’d like to sit in on that echo like I said.”

In the end, she was right. The defect was too large to ignore and too large to assume that it would close on its own. With that in mind, Natasha thought that Poppy was stable enough and strong enough for a procedure that wouldn’t involve actually opening up her heart; they would insert a wire through the groin and close the hole in her heart that way, meaning it would be minimally invasive. True, it wasn’t a procedure that was readily available just everywhere, but Banner was talented and she would see what he had to say about it.

After a short consultation with Bruce, Natasha and Steve sat down with the parents in her office and thankfully gave them a hopeful outlook. “Dr. Banner and I agree that the best thing we can do is perform a minimally invasive procedure that would insert ‘clamshell’ devices to close the hole in Poppy’s heart. We would go in via a blood vessel in the groin; no open heart surgery. Obviously there is still a risk and you need to be aware of that risk, but it’s a significantly lesser risk than the alternative.”

“And this Dr. Banner,” the husband said. “You trust him?”

Natasha nodded. “Absolutely. He has a fantastic success rate. One of the most talented surgeons I’ve met. In fact, he should be joining us in a moment.”

The woman let out a long sigh. “I wish you could do the surgery,” she admitted. “I feel very comfortable with you.”

Really? “I’m… As flattering as that is, you want someone with a lot more experience in the pediatric field than me. Dr. Banner is the way to go. Believe me, if someone else was on call in this particular situation, I would recommend Dr. Banner anyway.”

She nodded along. “I trust you,” she said quietly. “One of my closest friends nearly lost her father last year. He’s a good man; army vet, widowed too early, always there for her... You were the one who saved his life.” She sniffed a little and leaned into her husband. “So when they told us that Poppy needed surgery, your name just came out.”

“I’m just glad I could help,” she answered honestly.

Bruce joined them a few minutes later and his kind eyes and soft voice put the couple at ease. They scheduled the surgery for just a few days later and promised to let Natasha know how things went, but she knew she would be checking in on Poppy herself. She also knew she wouldn’t be telling Steve about it because that would mean this meant more to her than she was letting on. Based on the look they exchanged as he walked the couple out of her office, Steve already had an inkling that this had hit her a little harder than she’d expected.

“You did great,” he told her as he landed in one of her chairs again. “They really connected with you. Thanks for doing that, Tasha. I know it’s not really your thing.”

She hummed in acknowledgement.

“It's gotta be a thousand times harder for them as it is for me, you know? Imagine bringing a life into the world and then seeing that life put at risk…” He shook his head. “Even though having kids is like one of the most rewarding things a person can do, it's still fucking terrifying.”

 

Having a child was one of the most rewarding things a person could do.

 

Why hadn’t she thought about this more seriously? Of course Steve wanted children. He loved them so much and he was only working with them for a short period; the idea that he’d be okay going his whole life without them seemed stupid and naïve when she thought about it now. Of course, the idea that Natasha could give him everything he wanted also seemed childish, really. Foolish.

“It’s a good thing you’ve got boundless energy,” she commented. “I don’t think I could handle dealing with parents like that every day.”

“Thankfully it’s not every day.” Steve offered her a warm smile. “Most of the babies are totally fine.”

Natasha felt like hiding. Kids should have been something she thought about a long time ago, way back when she was mindlessly agreeing to be Steve’s girlfriend. Natasha hadn’t even considered that he might want a family! And who was she to—to take that away from him? Not that anything had been confirmed, but there was always the understanding, after a very embarrassing visit to an OB/GYN when she was thirteen and noticed she wasn’t getting her periods like everyone else, that she might not be able to have children. And if she couldn’t, then maybe he had the right to know that before they got any more serious. Maybe it was her responsibility to make sure he knew what he was getting into.

That day, they got dinner together and skipped sex for the evening. Steve wrapped his arm around her in bed as usual and Natasha had difficulty falling asleep considering she was all too preoccupied with the thought that Steve might leave her (in the most gentlemanly way) once she told him that kids might not be in the cards for her and even if they were physically possible, she wasn’t sure she wanted to be a mother. She wasn’t sure she knew how, especially given she hadn’t had any solid parental figure in her life. Sue her for being unsure, right?

When the news came several days later that little Poppy had pulled through the surgery and was expected to make a full recovery, Natasha felt genuinely relieved. It wasn’t very often that she had to be worried about a child, so it had weighed on her mind since she’d given the parents her best advice on the matter. 

When Steve invited her to come and see Poppy and her parents afterwards, she had no choice but to agree and follow along while they made their visit. Of course, Poppy was still recovering, but her eyes were bright and open and her parents looked impossibly relieved.

“Thank you again for being so helpful,” her mother said. “Dr. Banner is a good man; we’re glad we went with him on your advice.”

Natasha smiled. “I’m just happy everything worked out for you,” she said warmly. “For both of you, and Poppy, of course.”

To her utter surprise, the mother pulled her into a tight embrace right there in the NICU. Natasha hesitated for a moment before returning the hug and patting her lightly on the back while she gave Steve a nearly panicked look from over the other woman’s shoulder. It wasn’t like she’d never had a patient be grateful to her before, but this just felt different. This was a woman who had been fighting for someone else’s life; that is, she was trying to get the best care to save the life of someone who couldn’t speak for themselves or defend themselves or make their own decisions. It was just different with a child.

 

Three days after that, Natasha paid Sarah a visit on her own. She used the pretense of wanting to follow up about her Coumadin therapy and went to her instead of having Sarah come to the hospital because it had snowed at last and the weather was still very, very cold. When she showed up at Sarah’s house, Natasha was welcomed with hot chocolate and freshly baked cookies; it was the kind of thing a mother did, she supposed. Whatever the case may be, they only talked about Coumadin for fifteen minutes or so before Sarah expertly changed the subject entirely.

Natasha was glad for it if only because she was hoping to find an opening to ask about whether or not Steve had always dreamt of a big family, but none such opening came up organically. She supposed she’d have to just ask and hope that Sarah didn’t immediately go and tell Steve what they’d talked about.

“Has Steve ever talked to you about wanting children?”

Maybe that was a little blunt and a little out of nowhere, but Natasha just ducked her head a little bit and swallowed harshly. She had to know. It would be cruel of her to keep this going when they couldn’t possibly work together. At the very least, Steve had to be told.

“Not directly,” Sarah answered. “But he’s always been very fond of them. Unfortunately, our family is rather small, but Bucky has younger sisters and Steve was always there for them, always helping take care of them when he could.” She gave Natasha a warm smile. “I believe he wants them, yes.”

The silence that followed was so thick and so unpleasant that Natasha had to sit back and physically distance herself from the hot chocolate she’d been working on.

“I know there’s something on your mind,” Sarah said. “You might as well tell me.”

Natasha let out a shaky breath. “I just don’t know if I can have a family with him.”

Sarah nodded slowly and reached out to cover Natasha’s hand with her own. “Is that… because you can’t imagine having a family with him, or because you can’t imagine having a family?”

“I don’t know if I can have children,” she blurted out. “When I was a kid, a doctor told me that the condition I have might affect fertility…” She shrugged. “I was only thirteen; I didn’t care all that much. And what am I doing even thinking about kids? I don’t know how to be a mother.”

“I know some people say that they were born to be parents, but let me just tell you something right now.” She leaned forward a little bit. “When you come home with your new baby and you don’t have any nurses or doctors telling you what to do? When that baby decides that he’s just gonna start screaming in the middle of the night and won’t go down no matter what you do? Believe me, no matter how many books you’ve read or how many babies you’ve babysat in the past, you have no idea what you’re doing. It’s a learning curve, so if that’s what’s making you nervous, honey, you’re just like everyone else.”

Sarah was wise. Her little reassurances made Natasha smile a little bit despite the circumstances. “But… what if I can’t have them?” She wondered aloud. “What if this keeps going and it turns out that I  _ can’t _ ?”

“There are other options,” Sarah told her. “You know that.”

“It’s not the same. It’s not always the same.” She shook her head. “And I’m already in my thirties…”

“Natasha, you and I both know that Steve isn’t the type to look an obstacle in the face and run in the other direction,” she soothed. “Talk to him about it.” 

She wished it was that easy. “I know I should,” she mumbled. 

More silence. Sarah moved to the chair that was closer to Natasha and took her hand properly. “Whatever you decide, I’m here if you need to talk,” she said warmly. “And no matter what happens between you. I’m in your life now; you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

They ended the visit with a hug that went on a little longer than Natasha realized she needed and she went home thinking about what she was supposed to do now. One thing was certain: there was no way in hell she was going to confront such a delicate, emotional issue  _ during _ the holidays. That conversation would have to wait until after New Year’s. 

 

On Christmas Eve, the foursome gathered at Natasha’s place for Chinese food and an exchange of gifts. Now that Bucky was seeing Wanda on a steady basis even though they were still ‘casually’ dating as far as he was concerned, she was an integral part of their group. Steve had helped Natasha put up a tree just a few nights ago and it twinkled in front of the large windows in the living room. There was a fire to warm them, plenty of wine to go around, and a few little tea candles lit around the room to really set the scene. Natasha was quite proud of the ambiance she’d created and since she’d never actually hosted Christmas like this before, she was even more excited. Covertly, of course. 

After dinner, they gathered in the living room to exchange gifts and Natasha eagerly watched as Steve unwrapped his brand new art set. Would he like it? Would he just  _ say _ that he liked it? Would he hate it outright? Only time would tell. Wanda had already unwrapped the gorgeous boots Bucky had bought for her-- apparently they’d seen them somewhere and she’d neglected to spend so much on herself. Natasha knew that Bucky didn’t have much, but the look on his face when Wanda threw her arms around his neck?

Worth it.

“What? No, Nat, this is too much,” Steve said as he looked over all the different aspects and things that came with the set. Finally, he lifted his gaze to Natasha and gave her a wide-eyed stare. “This is--” He shook his head a little.

“Do you really like it?” Natasha lowered her glass of wine and smiled widely.

“Like it?” Steve carefully set the whole thing aside and leaned over so he could give Natasha a kiss. “I love it! Thank you so much.”

With that settled and a genuinely good reaction from Steve where his present was concerned, it was officially someone else’s turn. Wanda shyly handed Natasha a box that ultimately contained a set of massage oils scented for various things like relaxation and whatnot. Natasha thanked her politely and gave Bucky a glare when he whistled and wondered aloud what they might use those for.

Steve’s gift to Bucky was actually a first edition of one of his favorite books from childhood; Natasha knew that Steve had found it somewhere and gotten it for a steal, but that didn’t make the exchange between them any less sweet. Beyond that, gifts were exchanged quite quickly; Wanda gave Bucky a sweater, Bucky handed Natasha a box that contained all sorts of Russian candies and desserts, Natasha gave Bucky a brand new shaving kit that included a razor that would allow him to keep a little shadow, and Wanda handed Steve a containing a travel mug with ‘nurse’ emblazoned on it like it was a dictionary entry. Under that word, it said, ‘a superhero who wears scrubs and a stethoscope’ and Steve  _ loved _ it.

Finally, they came to Steve’s gift to Natasha. She would readily admit that she was a little worried about what it might be, but why shouldn’t she trust him? Steve was one of the most dependable people she’d ever met; that wasn’t going to change now. With a warm smile, he handed her two boxes; one was a flat rectangle the size of her hand and the other was a big, square box that she was instructed to open first.

In the larger box, she found a neatly knitted scarf with a little note attached: ‘Now you're part of the family no matter what. Keep warm! With love, Sarah’. It was beautiful and soft and Natasha immediately held it up to her cheek to feel the material that way.

“This is beautiful,” she murmured. “But why now? We’re seeing her tomorrow, so why…?”

Steve chuckled and shrugged a little. “She was hoping you’d wear it,” he admitted.

“Oh, I definitely will,” Natasha laughed. She tucked the card back into the box along with the scarf and smiled to herself because hey, she had a family and a mother who knitted her lovely scarves. What more could she ask for? She couldn’t possibly be selfish enough to demand anything more from Steve or his mother or even Bucky, not when they’d accepted her so willingly into their little circle.

And yet, she had another box to open.

Steve leaned forward a little bit as she untied the delicate ribbon around it and Natasha found her heart kind of pounding with anticipation. What could it be? Jewelry? A gift card? Why did he look like he was just aching to see her reaction to whatever was inside that box?

When she finally got the cover off and stared down at what was inside, she understood. That was why he was so anxious to see her reaction; Steve had given her something she’d never expected him to think of and that was why it was so very special. He must have remembered the two or three times she’d mentioned it and decided that it was the perfect gift.

Two tickets to the Russian ballet performing right there in the city right in the middle of January.

“You told me how much it meant to you to see the show when you were a kid,” he said. “And I know you’re just not the type to buy tickets on your own so…”

He was right. Natasha loved the ballet and loved dancing herself, but she had neglected to buy tickets because she never had anyone to go with and because she felt like it was just one of those things she’d put off and put off and put off until it was hardly an idea anymore.

Natasha lifted her gaze to him and licked her lips. “You’ll come with me, right?”

“Well, of course,” he laughed. “Not gonna lie, I’d be pretty disappointed if you wanted to go with someone else.”

She leaned over to give him a lingering kiss. “I love this,” she murmured. This. Him. Same difference.

“Merry Christmas, Nat,” he said back, his voice going all warm and soft and—

“And that’s our cue to go,” Bucky announced as he stood up. “Thanks for dinner and the wine, Nat, everything was really great.” He gave them a look. “Merry Christmas, you two. Don’t get into too much trouble.”

Natasha let her head rest on Steve’s shoulder and she smiled at both of her guests. “Thanks for coming,” she said easily. “There’s a tray for both of you in the fridge to take home; I always get a lot of cookies this time of year and I can’t eat them all on my own.”

Bucky and Wanda grabbed their trays and left, meaning that Natasha could set her gifts aside and straddle Steve’s lap, idly raking her nails through his hair. “I have something else for you,” she said. “Ready?”

Steve looked like he was already calculating how much time it would take him to remove her jeans and sweater, but he nodded and dragged his eyes up to give her a smile. “Oh, I’m ready.”

Natasha smiled and leaned over to the end table, where she extracted a Santa hat and immediately put it on Steve’s head. “There we go,” she announced. “Now we’re getting into the spirit of things.” Giving him a suggestive grin, she leaned in for another kiss that swiftly incensed him to take control and put her on her back on the couch beside him. Maybe there was just something about taking something innocent and putting it in a completely twisted situation--- or maybe it was just that Steve was really good at what he was doing, but Natasha thought having a Santa hat between her legs was equal parts arousing and hysterical.

In fact, it was so amusing that when she finished and he lifted his head up, Natasha started to laugh no matter how short of breath she was at the moment. She covered her face with both hands and pulled her legs up as she laughed and eventually rolled over to continue with more of the same.

“Was it the hat?” Steve asked, clearly amused. “Because you’re the one who brought the hat.”

Natasha turned over and buried her face in a pillow in the hopes that she might be able to get control of herself. No such luck, but she did sober a little bit when Steve’s hand slid over her ass and squeezed. “You’re giving me a lot of time to think, Romanoff,” he warned teasingly. “Might wanna turn back over.”

He pinched her and Natasha laughed again as she turned over and basically tackled him to the floor, where she took a comfortable seat astride his hips. “It’s definitely the hat,” she told him, leaning down to seal their lips together. He transferred the hat to her head once she’d tugged his pants off and Steve would later admit that it was one of the most confusingly arousing situations he’d ever been involved in.

Afterwards, once he’d carried her into the bedroom in a show of strength that only made her laugh, Natasha sprawled out on top of his chest and smiled. “You realize that going to the ballet means getting all dressed up, right?” She wondered aloud. “And if I remember correctly, the last time we got all dressed up, the night ended  _ very _ pleasurably on my end.” Sure, it had ended up being the night before she’d heard him say that he might love her, but… the sex had been fantastic.

Besides, she was way less prone to panic now… or at least she hoped that was the case.

“Oh, I remember,” he said easily. “Maybe that’s my real goal, to get you all done up again.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her and grinned widely. “You’ve fallen right into my trap and now I have you  _ exactly _ where I want you.”

Natasha laughed and leaned up to give him a kiss for that. “I guess you do,” she answered. “I’m going to have to live with that.”

Steve couldn’t have looked happier. He rolled them over and gave her another kiss before carefully arranging himself on top of her and resting his head on her chest where he felt most comfortable. It was in that moment that Natasha began to realize how hard it must have been for Steve to hold back his emotions under the presumption that she would panic should he make them known. It was difficult to imagine actually hearing those words out loud, but Natasha did feel bad for making him keep the sentiment to himself.

It straddled the line between cruel and taking care of her own needs, as far as she was concerned. She just hoped that he understood her because if he didn’t, she probably just seemed like a bitch. 

 

There was some consideration that went into what they were doing on New Year’s Eve, but eventually they decided that in lieu of actually going to Times Square, which was something Natasha had never done, they would attend the party Thor was having instead. It was being held at a rooftop bar where they would be able to see the fireworks above them, but the music would mostly drown them out. That part was more important for them than others; Bucky still wasn’t so happy about sudden, loud noises.

Wanda wore a shiny red dress with tights and boots, and Natasha chose black jeans and a shimmering silver top that left her back bare enough for Steve to keep his hand right there on the curve of her lower back while they wandered into the party together, their jackets tossed onto a large bed in another room. They greeted Thor and Loki and danced for a while even though Steve’s hips didn’t quite move the way they were supposed to no matter how hard he tried, and even though Bucky kept glancing around like focusing on Wanda too much might put him at some kind of tactical disadvantage.

When the ball finally dropped, Steve had his arm around her and his lips on hers in the space of a single second and Natasha happily allowed him to dip her and kiss her until someone cleared their throat next to them. It was Bucky, of course, and even though his cheeks were still a little pink from the kiss Wanda had graciously bestowed on him just a few moments earlier, he still managed to judge.

“You think you two can keep your clothes on until you get home, or what?”

They made it. Barely.

Suffice it to say that their New Year’s celebrations were as explosive as the fireworks, no matter how cliche that might sound. Natasha came twice and laughed as Steve rolled back on top of her to playfully pin her hands down and kiss her again.

“Happy New Year, Nat,” he said warmly. “It’s gonna be a good one, I know it.”

Natasha smiled widely and lightly struggled in his hold until he leaned down to give her another kiss, then another, and a third as well. Yeah. He was right. It  _ was _ going to be a good one. They were still together, they were  _ happy _ , and this might just be the year that Natasha finally said those three little words.


	14. Chapter 14

Things had been  _ crazy _ at the hospital. It was like the new year started and everyone decided to throw caution to the wind and wind up in the hospital for one reason or another. The ER was so packed and so unable to cope with the influx of patients that Natasha and Steve both picked up shifts there at one point or another, just to assist in the clinic if nothing else. There were days when they hardly saw each other and hardly got to speak at all, not to mention three very memorable days wherein they left together and collapsed at whichever apartment they happened to get to first. It was one of those times when Natasha questioned for how long she’d be able to keep up with all of this-- and at the same time never felt more effective at her job. 

With all that happening around them, Natasha nearly forgot their date for the ballet. The night before, they’d gone home separately and Natasha found herself missing Steve beside her, strange as that might seem. It was just that she’d gotten used to his arms around her and waking up to him nuzzling into her neck or the smell of pancakes from her rarely used kitchen. Steve had really carved himself a space in her life no matter how difficult it was to do so and now… Now Natasha loved him. That was  _ all _ his fault.

They were slated to meet at the restaurant Steve had picked out at exactly six o’clock. Natasha searched high and low for a dress that was brand new and appropriate to wear to the ballet, but also looked nice enough on her that she would have Steve’s undivided attention the entire night. God, she didn’t even know why it meant so much to her; maybe it was just because he’d gone out of his way to take an interest in something that he knew she loved even though he didn’t particularly love it himself. Maybe it was just because she loved him to the point where every little thing had her trying to tame the butterflies in her stomach.

The dress she’d chosen was actually pretty simple, all things considered. It was all black, with a simple little slip underneath that was held up by thin spaghetti straps and fell to a few inches above her knees. The overlay was black lace with a neckline that swooped down low enough to show off her collarbones before tapering all the way down to her wrists. It wouldn’t really protect her against the cold, but it was better than something completely without sleeves. She’d picked out a pair of black pumps to complete the look and chose silver earrings that offset the silver bracelet she was wearing. It was a good look, she thought as she admired herself in the mirror.

With her hair down and blown out into smooth waves, she fixed up her makeup (just a classic swipe of red lipstick and simple, dark eye makeup), grabbed her purse, and headed out. She took a cab to the restaurant and found Steve already waiting there on the sidewalk for her. He cleaned up really nicely, she had to admit; it felt like every suit he wore was just fitted to him in the best possible way. But that had nothing on the fact that he was holding a short stemmed red rose that he handed over to her as soon as they’d kissed hello.

“You look beautiful.” Steve offered her his arm and they walked into the restaurant together so he could give his name for the reservation.

Natasha grinned. “You don’t look half bad yourself,” she teased lightly. “You really do clean up very nicely.”

They were given a table somewhere in the middle of the restaurant and Steve made a show of pulling the chair out for her before taking his own seat. The waitress was on them in a moment and happily taking their drink orders; it was wine for Natasha and whiskey on the rocks for Steve. For the first time, Natasha wondered if this was supposed to mean something other than just a wonderful Christmas gift sent her way from her seemingly perfect boyfriend. The restaurant was as romantic as that first time they’d had dinner, back when Steve was pretending to make her crack and Natasha was trying too hard under the misapprehension that he wanted overdone romance like she’d seen in the movies.

But they were different, she reminded herself. They’d come a long way since then.

“You’re going to love the ballet,” she informed him once they ordered their food. “I know you’ve never seen one before or anything, but it’s beautiful no matter how much you know about it.”

Steve smiled. “I’m sure it will be,” he answered. “But as long as you’re there, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it no matter what.”

Natasha rolled her eyes at him. “Cheesy,” she accused lightly. “So cheesy.”

“I think you love it,” he teased. “Go on, tell me you don’t.”

He was unbelievable sometimes, honestly. “Shut up,” she said instead, making up for the fact that she couldn’t deny him by taking another sip of her drink. “You know, dancing the black swan coda is much more difficult than they’re going to make it look. It might not be the most difficult in all of ballet, but it’s challenging. I attempted a few times, but I was young. I remember how strenuous it was just to get three quarters of the way there.”

“Oh, thank God.” Steve looked more relieved than interested, which earned a weird look from his companion. “Not that I’m not-- riveted by the thought of you actually dancing, but I was so worried that I’d picked the wrong ballet. The Russian ballet was doing Swan Lake, but the NYC ballet was doing the Nutcracker and I didn’t know, so I went with the Russian one…”

Natasha laughed at his rambling and shook her head. “You’ve been worried about this the whole time?” Unbelievable. He got her this amazing gift that she’d been so touched by, and he was still worried about it. “Steve, I would have loved either one, but I’ll be honest with you? You made the right choice with the Russian ballet. I couldn’t be more excited.”

Steve grinned widely. “Well, I’m glad I got something right. I wanted tonight to be special.”

Natasha thought it was very special that he’d been so diligent about her gift and she didn’t even feel overwhelmed at the romantic restaurant because they were still just acting like they always did. There was no pressure, no reason to feel insecure or uncertain, and none of that awfully overdone nonsense she’d had to deal with last time. But the way he said ‘special’ did make her wonder exactly what he had planned. What did he mean by ‘special’?

“It is special,” she answered as their appetizers came. “I think I can even guarantee you a very special end to the night.” She winked at him and Steve shook his head at her as they turned their attention to their first course; lobster bisque for Natasha, scallops for Steve.

Every bite of their dinner was even more delicious than Natasha had imagined. They even split dessert because they were both so full, although this time Steve only joked about feeding Natasha off his spoon. By the time Steve paid the bill and took her hand on their way out, Natasha was actually quite excited about the show. They were right on time and settled into their seats while others filed in around them. Natasha felt very much like a little kid on Christmas all over again and as Steve laced their fingers together between them, she realized that he knew it. He knew she was excited and probably vibrating a little too much, and he didn’t care.

Steve was kind of amazing.

When the lights finally went down, Natasha straightened up and it was quite like she remembered it. The first swell of music filled her whole being with this  _ thrill _ that worked its way right down her spine and settled deep in her core as the lights on stage rose up. The show itself was fantastic; more than fantastic, it reminded her of everything good from her childhood. All those afternoons walking home from school humming the music from her favorite ballets came rushing back to her. There was just something magical about watching a performance like this one, something about how the dancers moved and how they didn’t have to say a word to get their point across. Natasha liked to think that in another life, she might have been a ballerina herself.

As the final bit of music made its grand crescendo and faded beautifully, Natasha sprang to her feet with the rest of the audience and applauded with tears in her eyes. It had been perfect; every moment that had passed over the course of the show was  _ perfect _ .

That high had her floating on a cloud all the way out of the building and onto the street, Steve’s big hand still clasped around her own. “That was amazing,” she gushed. “They were wonderful! It just makes me want to start dancing again.”

“Why don’t you?”

“Oh, I’m too old for that,” she laughed. “But maybe I’ll look for a class for older people.”

Steve gave her a look. “Oh, yeah. You’re ancient alright. I mean, you’re practically robbing the cradle with me.”

Natasha elbowed him a little bit and found herself in the oh-so-comfortable position where she had his arm around her shoulders and her arm around his waist. For a while, they just walked along and chatted about how much they’d enjoyed the show; Steve hadn’t been quite as emotional about it as Natasha, but he thought the dancing was beautiful and wondered aloud just what Natasha would look like all done up in one of those tutus. With the Christmas lights still up in the windows as they passed and a bit of snow still on the ground, it was a nice walk and quite romantic, were one to take a moment to think about it. She supposed they looked quite like a couple from the outside; very much in love, that is.

 

“You know,” he said suddenly, just about the time that they were wandering past the tree at Rockefeller Center. “I liked the ballet a lot more than I thought I would, but maybe that was just because you were there.” 

“Charmer,” she accused. “It was an amazing show no matter who you saw it with.”

“Maybe.” Steve stopped them near the ice skating rink and Natasha leaned against the railing to face him. “Maybe not.” He had this smile she couldn’t quite describe; it was almost like he was hiding something. And that was the first moment that Natasha realized he very well might be because her guard was down and he knew it, and he’d totally used that against her.

_ Bastard _ .

“What are you up to?” Natasha narrowed her eyes at him rather accusingly. “I know you’re up to something, Rogers. What is it?”

Steve laughed-- he  _ laughed _ , the asshole! --and reached out to brush her hair back behind her ear. “If I told you at the beginning what I was up to, then it would ruin the whole surprise.”

Natasha didn’t like surprises. On the whole, she thought surprises were a really good way to find herself in an awkward situation wherein she disappointed someone looking for a particular reaction. Of course, it made sense that Steve would like them; he probably thought he was being romantic and ‘spontaneous’ in a way, and the thought was sweet, she supposed.

“Look, I just thought I should tell you that it’s been fucking magical, okay?”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “You did  _ not _ just use the word ‘magical’ out loud.” 

“Oh, yes. I did.” Steve’s look was somewhere between determined and downright ballsy; it made Natasha just a little nervous, more likely because she didn’t know what was coming next. “You make me happy, alright? You really do. And I’ve been putting off saying what I’m gonna say now because I was trying to wait for the right time. But there is no right time, is there?”

God, her heart was just pounding. What was he going to say? ...And if he was going to say  _ that _ , was he going to expect her to say it back? Would she be able to? What if she couldn’t?

To Natasha’s utter horror, Steve stepped back a little bit  _ and got down on one knee _ . 

“Oh my God, what are you doing.”

Steve smiled as he took her hand. “I love you,” he said earnestly. “And I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m ready to wake up next to you every single morning even though you’re really grumpy before coffee.” He grinned in that lopsided way that made her stomach flutter and paused just long enough to make Natasha give him a  _ look _ that dared him to just stop there. 

Chuckling softly, he pulled a small box from his pocket and opened it up to reveal-- a pendant. Shaped like a small heart, it featured a lovely silver finish around the edges and a slightly darker piece in the middle. Natasha thought it was lovely, but she didn’t quite understand.

“I don’t need you to say it back if you’re not ready,” he said. “But I know it’s gonna work out for us, Nat. I know it.” He gave her a sheepish smile. “I was gonna go and give you my dog tags, but I figured they’d look a little silly while you’re in surgery, so… I had them melted down. That’s one of them right there in the middle.” He touched the pendant to indicate the darker spot in the middle. “Also, if you could go ahead and not kill me for making you panic, that’d be great.” 

Natasha stared at him. “To be clear, you’re  _ not _ asking me to marry you.”

Steve stood up and smiled widely. “I’m pretty sure that if I’d said those words, you’d be halfway across the city by now,” he teased. “I don’t need a ring and vows, you know? I love you, I want to be with you. I just wanted to… make a gesture.”

Well, how about that?

It took Natasha a few quiet moments to just accept the fact that not only did Steve love her, but he also knew her very well. He knew that she wasn’t ready to get married and he knew that she would have panicked if he’d actually asked; as it was, her heart was already slowing down now that she knew he wasn’t proposing. Steve knew her. This person had made the effort of getting to know her to the point where he almost knew her better than herself because…

 

This felt right. It felt like he was going out of his way to tell her that he was sticking with this even though she wasn’t the easiest person to get along with. He was staying because he loved her, and he was making  _ concessions _ because he valued her comfort over his own desires. 

“Nat?” She looked up at him and he smiled a little sheepishly. “Sorry, you just haven’t said anything and we’re going on like five minutes now.”

Oh. Natasha smiled and let out a short laugh as she shook her head and stepped up to him. Sliding her hands over his shoulders, she tipped her head back and leaned up to give him a slow kiss that he immediately responded to. With his arms around her waist, Natasha felt like she’d always have someone to catch her. He’d always be there. Maybe… that was just the kind of reassurance and trust that she needed to move forward.

When their lips parted, her hands slid down to cup his cheeks and she smiled widely. “I love you too,” she said. The words came out like warm honey; smooth and sweet and pouring relentlessly out of her so that she couldn’t even stop it if she wanted to. “And I accept your non-proposal. You’re an exceptionally perfect man, Steve Rogers.”

He looked so happy in that moment that he nearly glowed. “I’m not perfect at all,” he laughed. “I think you know that better than anyone. ‘Cept maybe Bucky.”

Natasha shrugged. “I know what I said, Nurse Charming,” she countered. “And I meant it.”


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Just wanted to say thank you so much for all the love and support on this fic. These last two chapters were a trial for me (writer's block issues), but I hope they delivered. As always, I appreciate all the comments and enthusiasm from you guys! <3

“The words ‘Hey, you know what we should do?’ will never leave your mouth again, I swear to God.” 

Steve huffed from where he was currently squeezed into a tiny airline seat beside her. A ‘spontaneous’ flight had turned into a three hour delay at the airport and another hour on the runway. Now that they were both sweating and irritable, Steve’s little idea didn't seem so wonderful anymore.

“Do you think they’d just let us leave?” He mumbled, wiping sweat from his brow. “The doors are already closed…”

“Did you want to fake a panic attack or something?” Natasha gave him a look. “They don’t usually just open the doors for you once they’re shut.”

Steve let his head hit the back of the seat again. “We’ll be in the air soon,” he said almost to himself, like saying it enough times might make it the truth. “And everything’s gonna be fine.”

Natasha patted his knee. “You keep telling yourself that.”

Despite her inclination otherwise, the plane did take off within the next twenty minutes and they were on their way with air conditioning finally making their flight a little easier. Complimentary snacks were distributed and Natasha finally relaxed enough to rest her head on Steve’s shoulder while he munched on some kind of granola from the cart.

“Do you think they’ll be mad?”

Steve paused and she could feel him frowning. “Who?”

“Bucky, your mom… Maybe even my dad.”

Shifting a little, Steve put his arm around Natasha’s shoulders and squeezed lightly. “I don’t think so,” he answered. “I mean, maybe a little, but I think they’ll just be excited.”

Natasha hoped he was right. It wasn’t like they’d planned this, but a short twelve hours or so after he’d first suggested it while they were basking in the afterglow of a very good round of sex, they were seeing it through to the very end. In Vegas, at a nondescript chapel on the strip, Natasha promised to love and cherish Steve for the rest of her life. After three years of dating and a year of officially living together, she took the plunge and made it official. Steve looked like he’d won the lottery; Natasha was amused.

 

The only thing that threw her off was the fact that Steve pulled a goddamn ring from his pocket and slid it right onto her finger there at the altar like it was perfectly normal. She didn’t protest during the ceremony, but when they were hitched and wandering down the street to find somewhere to eat she knew she had to bring it up no matter what the answer turned out to be.

“How long have you had this ring?”

Steve smiled widely. “I was wondering how long it was going to take you to ask. You should have seen the look on your face when I pulled it out before.”

Natasha pouted and nudged his side a little bit. “Come on, how long?”

Again, he ducked the question by squeezing her shoulders and laughing softly. “Look at you asking all these questions,” he teased. “Hey, you wanna do a buffet? We might as well, right? Since we’re here…”

“Sure, but can you answer the question first?”

She wanted to know, okay? They’d been dating for almost three years now and if he had a ring in his pocket, that must mean that he’d been thinking about asking her to marry him, which might mean that the suggestion he’d made in bed was actually something entirely planned and not spontaneous at all!

Steve huffed out another breath as he steered them into one of the big hotels so they could partake of the buffet before they headed back to their hotel room for another kind of celebration.

“I bought it like… right after we took that trip with Bucky and Wanda.”

Natasha froze there in the lobby and stared at his back as he took two steps forward before stopping as well. He’d—After that trip? They’d gone up to Vermont with Bucky and Wanda to stay in a nice little cabin and ski… but that was almost a year and a half ago!

“That was ages ago!” She protested as he put his arm around her again to urge her forward. “Are you telling me you’ve been waiting to ask me for a year and a half?”

Steve sighed. “No, I just—wanted to get one. Just in case you ever sort of said yes.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “You’re unbelievable. I can’t believe I’m married to such a dork.”

“But you are,” he grinned, leaning down to kiss her hair. “You are.  _ Forever _ .”

She pushed at him, but he just laughed as they headed into the buffet and took their seats. The whole Vegas-style buffet deal definitely lived up to any expectations they had and by the end of their meal, after the crab legs and the steak and the crepes and the rolls and the potatoes and the dessert, both Steve and Natasha were so full that they hailed a cab to get back to the hotel rather than just walking there. Their hotel room came with a big, wonderful bed where they collapsed together and fell asleep without even getting undressed. They’d celebrate in the morning.

 

Natasha woke up to something tickling her thigh and it was with some sleepy satisfaction that she realized it was Steve’s five o’clock shadow nuzzling against her. Smiling lazily, she let him spread her legs a bit more and laughed as he pushed her dress up and slid her panties down. 

“Good morning to you too,” she murmured, helpfully lifting her hips for him.

Steve grunted in response as he kissed up the length of her inner thigh and eventually brought his mouth down on her. Natasha’s lips parted in a soft moan and she arched her back a little bit, stretching out on the bed as he made sure that she started the day on the best note she could possibly imagine. He was always so eager to see to her this way; she’d teased him more than once for having some kind of oral fixation and he’d yet to actually deny it.

“Steve…” Her breath came in ragged pants as he flicked his tongue and pressed two fingers into her, curling them up in just the way she liked. “ _ God _ \--”

Natasha’s fingers slid into his hair right near the end, just as she started to rock her hips down against his mouth. When she came, her whole body shivered and she gripped his hair as she came down from it all with a shuddering moan. Biting her lip, she smiled deliriously and pulled him up for a few lazy kisses that only continued as she rolled them over and took a seat astride his hips.

Sliding down onto him was as exciting and fulfilling this time as it was the very first time they’d slept together. Natasha shivered as she rocked her hips, planting her hands right on his chest for leverage while her efforts increased bit by bit. As always, she welcomed Steve’s big hands on her hips and covered them with her own as she arched her back and continued bouncing tightly on top of him-- on top of her  _ husband _ .

For some reason unbeknownst to her, the reminder that they were married only spurred her on a little more. She started to roll her hips a little bit and Steve’s grip tightened enough to urge a moan from deep inside her just before he flipped her over and renewed their same frantic rhythm. Their cries of pleasure turned into moans as they came and finally finished in ecstatic laughter even as he pulled out of her and landed on his back. This was one of her favorite things about their relationship; no matter how scary it seemed at first, Natasha knew instinctively that the fact that they were able to  _ laugh _ in bed together was something very special indeed.

 

 

“Wait, you  _ what _ ?”

Bucky was taking the news of their shotgun wedding extraordinarily well considering they’d sprung it on him when they got back from Vegas in the middle of the day with no explanation whatsoever… after dodging several texts and phone calls over the course of the weekend.

“It was a spur of the moment type thing,” Steve protested. “Literally I asked her to go and we went. There was no time to explain!”

“No time to—the flight is like five hours long!” Bucky threw his arm in the air and gave Steve a disbelieving look. “I didn’t get to throw you a bachelor party! We could have met you there or something!”

Steve raised his eyebrows. “I don’t even wanna know what would go into a bachelor party,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “And yeah, I guess, but you would have been late and we would have been waiting around…”

Bucky pressed his lips together for a moment before lighting up with a realization. “Oh, your mother’s gonna kill you,” he said. “She’s gonna kill you dead.”

Natasha sighed from where she was currently sorting through their bags to throw the laundry into the hamper and tuck the clean stuff back into their drawers. “She’s not going to kill anyone,” she interrupted. “She’ll be happy for us.”

“What, and I’m not?” Bucky huffed a little bit. “Of course I’m happy for you! I just wished I’d been there.” Wanda put her hand on his shoulder and Bucky relaxed for the time being.

“Aw, I know, Buck,” Steve said easily. “But you’re here now, right?”

Bucky rolled his eyes and punched Steve’s arm before he was pulled into a tight hug whether he wanted one or not. They stayed that way for several moments until Bucky spoke again, his voice muffled by Steve’s shoulder. “I woulda been your best man, right?”

Steve chuckled. “Yeah, Buck. You’re still my best man.”

Bucky had been doing a lot better recently, thanks in part to Wanda’s presence in his life. He took better care of himself; though the long hair remained, he was shaving regularly now and ultimately left the house at least twice as much as he used to. He was even sleeping a little easier, and she’d managed to talk him into seeing a therapist about his nightmares and PTSD. When Steve had moved in with Natasha, they’d worried about Bucky being all alone where he was, but Wanda seamlessly filled that empty space and moved in with him. They kept separate rooms, but Natasha knew very well that most of the time shared one bed.

 

 

As it turned out, Sarah’s reaction was pretty much the exact opposite of Bucky’s in temperament. She was up and wrapping them both in a big, group hug before they even knew the news had really sunk in.

“Oh, I’m so happy!” She exclaimed. “That’s fantastic!”

Soon she was hugging Steve around the neck and throwing herself into Natasha for a hug that was just as tight. “Welcome to the family, sweetheart,” she said brightly. “Now you  _ have _ to call me ‘Mama’.”

She’d told Natasha a million times that she didn’t have to keep calling her ‘Sarah’ or ‘Mrs. Rogers’, but Natasha just hadn’t felt like it was appropriate until now. She laughed and nodded as she was let go. “Yes, Mama,” she said warmly. “Definitely.”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you both,” she gushed, reaching up to touch Natasha’s cheeks. “My daughter.”

Now that Sarah’s a-fib was under control, she was stronger and more active than ever. She’d enrolled in a fitness class for seniors and went on regular walks during the day, but she still came to see Natasha every three months to check up on her Coumadin levels. They’d developed quite the bond over the last few years, but it wasn’t until those words left Sarah’s mouth that Natasha really felt the love the older woman had for her. This was how it felt to have a mother and it was such a foreign feeling to her that Natasha was blinking away tears a moment later. Of course, that was enough for Sarah to pull her into another hug and kiss her temple as she stroked her hair to calm her down.

 

It was strange, having a real family. Natasha had become used to living with Steve and having Bucky and Wanda over, but to actually, legally be part of another family was just wonderful. She wasn’t going to let it go to waste either. No, she was going to take advantage of every single moment. When they got home that evening, Natasha was more than happy to crawl into bed beside her husband and plaster herself against his side while he read a book.

“I think… I’m going to tell my father,” she said quietly.

Steve lowered his book. “Are you sure you want to?”

Natasha wasn’t sure of anything where her father was concerned, but she felt as though she would be making a mistake if she didn’t tell him. “No, but I have to,” she reasoned. “I need to tell him.”

“I’ll come with you,” he said right away. “We can go tomorrow, before we go back to work…”

Natasha shook her head a little. “I’m going to see him alone,” she decided, peering up at Steve. “It’s not that I don’t want you there, but I need to do this alone. I have to look him in the eye and tell him that this is his last chance.”

It was with some hesitation that Steve acquiesced and said that he would stand aside while she went to visit her father. It wasn’t entirely up to him, of course, but Natasha appreciated that there wasn’t a fight or any kind of disagreement between them. She loved that he trusted her enough to step aside when she asked him to do so.

The next day, Natasha showed up at her father’s house just after lunchtime. She’d prepared herself to the best of her ability and tucked her beautiful ring into the pocket of her jeans for the time being, just until she told him her news. Obviously when he opened the door, the last thing he was expecting was to find Natasha there, but he invited her in and sat them both down at the table with tea and a few little cakes. He was even older than she remembered; Natasha lamented the attitude that kept them apart, but that was on him. She’d tried her best.

“Papa, I have something to tell you,” she said after a while. “You remember Steve?”

Alex grunted.

“We got married, Papa.” Natasha fished the ring out of her pocket and slipped it onto her finger so she could show him. “Just recently. We didn’t have a big wedding, just a little ceremony…”

She could see the surprise on his face and frowned as he got up and began muttering under his breath in thick, annoyed Russian. Several moments passed before he gripped the back of his chair and spoke to her again.

“How could you marry the fool?”

Natasha took a deep breath. “I love him, Papa.”

“He is an American,” he said derisively. “An American!”

“Papa, I don’t care what he is!” Natasha raised her voice when necessary and right now? It was necessary. “I love him! Я  _ люблю _ его. He makes me happy, Papa. Can’t you see that?”

Alex frowned and shook his head. “Happiness is not forever,” he said bitterly.

Natasha slammed her hands on the table and stood up. “No, it’s not,” she countered. “Happiness may not be forever, but I’m going to be happy while I can. You never-- You never  _ tried _ to be happy after Mama died. You never thought we could be happy together, but you were wrong! We could have been.”

There were tears in her eyes again and Natasha angrily wiped at them as she stood up straight. “This was a mistake,” she mumbled. “I shouldn’t have come here.” She gave him a hurt look. “Every time I think-- I think there  _ might _ be a prayer for us, you ruin it. I have a family now, Papa. I have a husband who loves me, and friends.” She took a deep breath. “I have a mother in law who loves me too, so fine. If you don’t want to be a part of my life, then I’ll stop trying.”

She was out of the house and slamming the door behind her before he could say anything in return. That was it. No more chances. From now on, she had no father to speak of.

 

 

Three weeks later, things had returned to normal. Steve and Natasha had already planned a short honeymoon in a few months, but for now they were both more than happy to return to their duties at the hospital. Natasha had taken on three vital cases on the cardiac floor and had a full workload, but Steve still did his best to meet her for lunch every day. His own work in the maternity ward kept him busy until quite late on some days; though Steve loved his job very, very much, he also sometimes ached from the long hours spent in labor rooms and the like. 

Married life suited them so far. God knows their sex life hadn’t suffered the way people said it might; Steve was still incorrigible and Natasha enjoyed the benefits of having such an attentive husband nearly every day, if they could manage it. Even if they didn’t quite have the energy to really have sex, they managed to get each other off one way or another. With that said, there was a very memorable occasion wherein Steve fell asleep on her belly while he was heading down in that general direction and another time where Natasha fell asleep in bed while he was getting undressed. On both occasions, the partner who was still awake found themselves relieved and fell asleep themselves not long afterwards; they were just easy like that, and usually mutually exhausted. Besides, as far as Steve and Natasha were concerned, sleeping curled around one another was just as rewarding as anything else they did together.

But it was in the middle of a very busy day that Natasha was confronted with just about the last thing she expected: her father. There in the middle of a busy hallway, right at the nurse’s station, was Alex. He was carrying a small bouquet of flowers and looking lost, which just added to the whole image for Natasha, who stopped in her tracks and frowned before marching right up to him.

“Papa? What are you doing here?”

Alex had the good sense to look cautiously apologetic as he offered her the flowers. “I come to talk to you,” he said. “Please.”

Natasha blinked and asked him to wait for a moment. She handed off her charts and a few instructions to the nurses before escorting Alex to her office and closing the door. There were several long moments of silence before he actually spoke to her again; Natasha was starting to think that he might regret his decision and leave.

“This man,” he started. “Steve. He makes you happy, yes?”

Natasha nodded and offered him a little smile. “Yes, Papa. He makes me very happy.”

Alex nodded slowly. “Then he is good man,” he decided, looking up at her. “You bring him for dinner again.” There was a pause and he frowned; she could see this was hard for him. “I’m proud of you, возлюбленная.” 

That was probably as close to an apology as she was ever going to get. Natasha couldn’t say how much she appreciated him even coming here to make this much of an effort; she’d always wanted him to be more involved and there he was. Stepping forward and ignoring whatever cold traditions had gripped them before, she wrapped her arms around his neck for a tight hug. Alex still smelled like the cigars he preferred and she buried her face in his shoulder to just take comfort in that for a moment. 

It was a few seconds later that her door opened and Steve poked his head in as usual. “Hey, Nat, I was thinking---” He stopped there and raised his eyebrows as she gestured for him to come in and shut the door. “Sorry for intruding, I didn’t know…”

Alex pulled away from Natasha and gave Steve a hard look, but held his hand out for a shake that Steve gladly gave him. To everyone’s surprise, the older man pulled Steve in for a brief, one armed hug with their hands still clasped together between them. “Son,” he grunted. “Welcome.”

 

 

After an entire year of marriage, Natasha’s most dreaded conversation finally happened. They were enjoying dinner at the kitchen table when Steve dropped a bomb on her and she just-- well, she didn’t know how to answer it. She didn’t know how she was supposed to remain calm about all of this and yet, she managed not to immediately leave the table and refuse to come back unless he promised not to talk about it again. The thing was that it was her fault he didn’t know why she was so hesitant about all of this. The fear that Steve wouldn’t want her if she was defective, for lack of a better word, had taken a backseat to their careers and the whirlwind of being in love. In short, she’d never really told him and that was completely on her.

“Kids,” she breathed uneasily, taking a big gulp of her wine. “All of a sudden?”

Steve gave her a little smile. “Well, we’ve been married a year now, together for a few more than that… I figured we should start talking about it.”

Natasha was going to be sick. If she said alright and they started ‘trying’, there was a big chance that they’d never actually conceive and it would be stressful and awful and she would know why the whole time. She’d be lying to him the  _ whole time _ . Or.. she could just tell him the truth.

“Steve, there’s something I have to tell you,” she blurted out. “I… might not be able to do this. Have children. It’s not something I’ve thought about often, but I have a condition that affects fertility. It might be a waste of time to try.” He didn’t respond right away and Natasha could feel her cheeks warm. She lowered her gaze and frowned to herself just because she felt so… so broken in that moment. It wasn’t her fault, she didn’t purposely cause her condition. But she could have told him earlier. “I’m sorry.”

She heard the chair scrape across the floor and worried that he might just leave, but Steve was pulling her up and into his arms a moment later. Natasha returned the embrace without hesitation and hid her face in his chest for the time being as she was afraid she might not get too many chances in the future. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s not the end of the world,” he murmured into her hair. “It’s not. I know it probably feels like it, but I swear… it’s not.” Steve kissed the top of her head. “I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

Natasha huffed out a frustrated sigh and held onto him a little tighter. “But you want kids, don’t you?” Her voice was muffled, but she knew he could hear her well enough. “I know you do.”

Steve didn’t answer for a moment and Natasha closed her eyes as she braced herself. “Do you?” He asked quietly. “Generally. I mean, do you want… to raise a child?”

That was something she’d asked herself several times over the years and honestly? Natasha hadn’t really accepted that she wanted it until she’d found herself in this relationship with Steve. All of a sudden, it just made sense. “I do,” she admitted. “With you.” 

“Then there’s no reason we can’t do that,” he answered. “I think you’d be an amazing mother, Tasha. Really.” 

Natasha tipped her head back to look up at him. “You mean--”

Steve smiled and reached up to brush her hair back, wiping a tear from her cheek at the same time. “I mean that we can give some kid out there a really great home,” he said warmly. “And in the meantime… maybe a pet?” 

Tears rolled down Natasha’s cheeks again as she hopped up to hug him around the neck and hold on tight. And to think that she might have known exactly what Steve’s position on all this was if she’d told him ages ago! If there was ever something that would solve forever the question of whether or not he could be trusted with her heart, this was it. He wasn’t leaving her; he was just as happy to adopt as he was to have a child that was his own and  _ of course _ he was. She should have known that before. She should have trusted that he wouldn’t leave her for it.

 

Even with their busy schedules, Natasha and Steve were able to venture to a shelter one weekend and adopt a mutt with a sordid past who seemed to take to them right away. They named him ‘James’ after Bucky and he quickly made himself at home. As he was a little older and very timid, they felt more than comfortable leaving him at home while they went to work, though they traded off checking in on him during the first two weeks or so. All in all, Natasha thought it was going very well for the two of them. They’d painstakingly filled out an application to adopt a child as well, but there was no guarantee that it would happen anytime soon. 

As time went on, Natasha began to wonder if they’d ever get that chance Steve spoke about. There had to be so many children out there who needed a good home; weren’t they good candidates? Did the people reviewing their application get a bad feeling? Had the people who’d done the home inspection sense something was off? How could they fix that?

But almost seven months after they’d been accepted as applicants, Natasha got a frantic call from Steve on her day off and almost dropped the phone.

“She’s here right now,” he explained. “I’ve been seeing her for the past six months for checkups at the clinic and when she found out we were trying to adopt, she just went for it. I didn’t even know-- I didn’t know she was giving the baby up.”

She didn’t answer right away and it felt kind of like she couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be real.

“Nat? Baby, you’ve gotta breathe. She wants to meet you.”

Maggie was the kind of woman Natasha didn’t entirely understand. She had fallen unexpectedly pregnant and while she was happy to carry the child inside her, she knew that she could not raise it. Steve had access to all her medical records given before the subject of adoption had even come up, so he knew very well that she was healthy and had a decent family history.

The first thing Natasha noticed as she entered her office was Maggie’s hair; it was blonde and very long, but she’d twisted it into a messy braid that fell over her shoulder. When she looked up, she had big, blue eyes and a delicate face that brightened up in a way Natasha hadn’t expected.

“You must be Natasha,” she said brightly. As she got up, the soft maxi dress she wore shifted and the pendants around her neck tinkled against one another. “It’s so nice to meet you. Steve’s told me all about you, but you’re much prettier than I imagined.”

Natasha smiled. “Thank you,” she offered. “You’re very pretty too.”

“Oh, please, I’m a planet,” she laughed easily, one hand unconsciously touching her rounded belly. “But thank you for your kind words.”

Steve suggested they both sit down and talk for a while. As it turned out, Maggie already had two other children that were grown and healthy, and she simply couldn’t care for another. Her finances weren’t well enough considering she read palms for a living and did some odd jobs from home, plus she felt very much like she could give a couple with fertility issues a chance at the happiness she’d felt bringing up her own children. Having spent so much time with Steve already, she had a good feeling about them.

“His aura is wonderfully bright,” she gushed as she looked to Steve and gave him a smile. “And you complement each other so well.” Maggie only had a few questions for them. They talked about their decision to adopt and about Natasha’s childhood, as well as how close they were to Steve’s mother and the disposition of their dog. All in all, she seemed ultimately pleased.

“I just have this feeling about you two.” Maggie reached out for both of their hands and smiled as she gave them a squeeze. “Like I was just meant to find you. I’d like to come and see where you live, if that’s alright. And then we can sign the papers.”

“Yes, that’s-- of course,” Natasha said quickly. “We can have you over for dinner in a few days, if that’s okay. And… should you really want to go through with this…” Because Natasha couldn’t get their hopes up only for them to be crushed. “We’d like to pay for any medical expenses.”

Maggie smiled. “That’s very sweet of you,” she said warmly. “And I’d love to come for dinner.”

 

As it turned out, Maggie was a vegetarian. Natasha prepared a salad and Steve made salmon for all of them when she came for dinner. Upon announcing that their ‘space’ had a warm and encouraging ‘energy’, she also decided by the end of the night that yes, this was the right thing to do. A week later, they met with a lawyer and got everything in order and Natasha felt like there was almost no time at all until Maggie was calling them with the good news that she was going into labor. 

Sixteen grueling hours later, Natasha held Maggie’s hand as she gave that final push and brought another life into the world. She was a wriggling, crying, gooey mess, but she was beautiful all the same. Natasha thanked Maggie again and smiled as she was told to go greet her new baby girl.

Now, Natasha wasn’t one to insist upon the nuclear family unit. She was hardly a traditionalist, but when Steve finally came into the nursery to meet their daughter and took her into his arms, she teared up. It felt like they were complete, like things couldn’t possibly get better. 

“She’s beautiful,” he whispered. “Perfect.”

Natasha smiled. “She is. We need to think of a name.”

As the sex of the baby had been kept a surprise, they’d thought of quite a few for either circumstance, but hadn’t settled on one alone. It seemed impossible to pick something as beautiful as she was, but they would try. She supposed every parent tried the same thing.

“I really like Olivia,” Steve said after a moment. “Olivia Rose.”

Natasha nodded. “Olivia Rose,” she repeated. “Beautiful.”

They were a family. Bringing Olivia home was chaos in the very best way; they hardly got any sleep and Natasha took maternity leave that she desperately needed in order to establish some kind of schedule and bond with the baby. Of course, she was Steve’s pride and joy. Every evening, every weekend, every single moment he got to spend with her was a beautiful thing.

Watching her grow was unlike anything Natasha ever could have imagined. It was like each little thing she accomplished was cause for celebration of some kind or another. Outings as a family were all wonderful, though it was quite possibly the sweetest thing on Earth leaving her on Bucky’s lap while he fretted about not being able to hold her properly with one arm. Sarah was, of course, smitten the moment she met Olivia and had been since then. Even Alex had visited them to meet his granddaughter and spoke pretty words to her in Russian while she blinked up at him.

Everything else aside, it would seem that the lonely girl from Russia had done very well for herself. It wasn’t her relationship that defined her, but she would readily say that her family was of the utmost importance in her life. Now, at the end of a long day saving lives, she had smiling faces to come home to and someone who loved her to hold her at night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


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